Everyone had certain notions of what their ideal or probable spouse would be like, but how closely did your actual spouse match what you had envisioned your future spouse would be like?
Quite similar in personality, appearance, occupation, ethnicity, etc.?
Very different?
(Sorry, that was a rather jumbled way of phrasing the question.)
First one was pretty much exactly as I expected because we started dating before either of us ever even thought about marriage (we were 15).
As that marriage was crumbling I began to put together in my head who I wished I was with. Found her within a month of filing the divorce, and she’s better than I had in mind. Weird how it all worked out.
I feel like I’m cheating on this one…i found my husband through Match.com. I only searched for guys that were italian, had blond buzz cuts, lived locally, were my religion or close and were smokers. Yes, kind of a shallow pool that I created. Obviously, I’m over simplifying this, but my past experience indicated that these things were important. Outward traits are no indication as to the person within, but at least I had some eye candy while figuring it out…And i didn’t have to quit smoking and become quite irascible in the process.
Shallow… But hey, four years later, I still like all those superficial things and love the man he is inside. A cute package does not hurt one bit. Nope.
My Beloved, who both reads and posts on this message board, matches to a “t” everything I ever wanted in a lifelong companion.
Matched perfectly and 27 years later, fits my real needs better than I ever dreamed.
I am afraid to ask her the same question. I still don’t know what she saw in me.
So what’s you real answer to the OP? 
Watching your Ps and Qs, I see. 
I pretty much got the woman I wanted. I couldn’t imagine anyone else.
My mother got very much what she wanted, a gentleman. Super mega bonus points for looking like her biggest celebrity crush, James Stewart. Apparently most of Dad’s “bad points” also derived from his being a gentleman; often when she brings them up she ends up answering herself with “well, but I did want to marry a gentleman and a gentleman is what I got, I have no right to complain!”
In answer to your question - I don’t think I ever had any notions of what my future spouse would be like. I’ve been married twice. I was with my first husband for almost 8 years. From age 21 to 29. In that decade I changed a lot. He may have been what I wanted and needed for a while, but as the years passed I knew without a doubt that I would leave him. I was with my second husband for almost 17 years. Again, I changed, he changed, and we grew apart. I’m not just talking about insignificant changes. I’m referring to monumental ones - in world views, opinions, interests, types of music, friends…the list goes on. That, and various other reasons became too much, and our marriage became unhealthy. We divorced four years ago.
I think that even if I had had a clear notion of what a future spouse would be like, it may have not made any difference in the long run, because what I may have been attracted to then, was surely going to change. Perhaps that is why IMO, relationships between mature/older couples are more successful. You are who you are, at some point in your life. No surprises. I gave it a hell of a run on my second - almost two decades, and I have no regrets. I couldn’t be happier these days.
I can’t really recall ever having a picture in my mind what “she” would be like when I found her.
My intention from childhood was to gradually and very very slowly transition into an old crazy catlady. An old crazy SINGLE catlady.
So yeah, the spouse I ended up with is…very different…than I visualized.
Same here (including the years!).
Like some others have already responded my notions were vague themes at best and ignored entire areas that some seem to have as preconceived notions about a mate. My ex was a very good match in many ways… except it didn’t last long. In the 20 years since we separated I’d say my notions are even less solid. Of course I’ve never come close to remarrying and don’t consider marriage necessary or sufficient for a meaningful and rewarding life. Maybe I’ve gotten my perfect match by being single for most of my adult life.
I don’t recall ever having a specific mental image of my future beloved, except for the brief period in junior high when I was certain I could win Micky Dolenz’ heart… 
At one point, I declared I could never marry someone of another religion, never marry a man with a beard, never marry a divorced man. So much for that trifecta of nevers - our 31st anniversary is next week.
And from things I’ve read, I guess I’m in a teensy minority of females who didn’t have a “dream wedding” in mind from the time I could toddle. In fact, a wedding was a nebulous concept in my mind - I’d been to many weddings, even serving as junior bridesmaid for one cousin, but I’d never envisioned myself floating down the aisle in a foofy gown and a gossamer veil. Which is good, since we exchanged our vows in front of a notary in a bookkeeping office during lunch one day. I’d never envisioned elopement either, but it worked for us.
After having “connected” with thousands of men, I finally found the one who was exactly whom I was looking for all along. The only thing wrong with him is that he has to travel a lot for work. Having been together for 27 years, I’m still not sure what he sees in me . . . but you didn’t ask that.
Totally… :dubious:
Wait, why on earth would I answer this thread again?