Everyone, I’d imagine, has an idea of the “type” of person to whom they are attracted. Is your spouse/SO your type in this way, or are they different? Have most of the people you’ve dated been your type?
I have not dated very much. The people I have dated have conformed closely to my idealized type when I met them “on my own,” but when friends have set me up (which happened a lot in high school–I rather miss it), they have often not been my type. The person I dated who conformed most closely to my type drove me crazy, even though I was very fond of him.
My wife and I are a lot alike in our outlook and ideas and the rules by which we live, and we share many of the same interests. However, we are different enough to make it interesting. We don’t drive each other nuts. She was the first woman I wanted to marry, because we were so much in agreement on the issue of relationships and how to have a really good one, and a whole lot of other things. We were just about instantly compatible, and we knew a good thing when we saw it.
In the entirety of my life, I have met precisely one girl who was anything resembling my ideal “type”. In the middle of nowhere in rural (and I do mean “rural”) Arkansas, no less. Intellectual, introspective, conversationally-oriented, mildly cynical, similar sense of humor to mine, not-diametrically-opposed cultural tastes. Also, as I found out two days after the day I spent 8 hours on the phone with her discovering all of the above, hot. H-O-double-f’n-T. That, and she lived within easy walking distance of my grandmother’s, where I was staying.
In a classic example of the epitome of the universe’s interaction with my existence, she turned out to be my cousin. Nobody in my family bothered to mention this to either of us despite our hanging out together in front of them multiple times. I thought she was a friend of the family; I suppose she thought I was the same. Conversation eventually led to us realizing that her mother was my father’s sister.
We kept hanging out in a friendly manner, but man, talk about your weird intrapersonal dynamics. Made the rest of my two-week visit interesting, to say the least.
Sigh. Nope.
It took me a while to figure out that she wasn’t my type. And even though we were comfortable with each other, our interests were totally different.
So I called it off.
I guess I’m probably looking for someone closer to my type.
I’d have to say my boyfriend is not what I would have necessarily considered “my type.” However, I was attracted to him the second I met him. The more time we spent together, the more I realized he was my exact match. We have different personalities that complement each other. But, he’s honest, caring, and has been a great friend for the 7 years we’ve known each other.
That’s pretty much my experience with my husband. Before I met him, the typical kind of guy I was attracted to was blond hair, pale skin, blue eyes, very little facial/body hair, and slim with a medium to slim frame. In college, I met this guy who was large-framed, somewhat overweight, dark haired, green eyed, hirsute and prone to a one-o’clock shadow rather than five o’clock (if not earlier). He was also kind, sweet, funny as hell, with similar geeky interests, and obviously very attracted to me, and heck if I didn’t find him really attractive as well. We’ve been married for years now.
No, my goodness, he’s not my type. My type would have been an Indian guy, as I was always very much into my own culture even in a foreign country. I was the only girl in my area who could still speak the language, read/write it, went to temple and actually knew what it meant, danced to the music, listened to the music, etc., etc. I even took Brahmin vows. I was born in the old country, and still hold a lot of filial affeciton towards it. I always wanted a Hindu wedding.
My SO is one who is very much removed from his culture and very Americanized. He doesn’t speak his language, or I should say, he does, and it’s English, and he’s second-generation.
But we complement each other very well after 8 1/2 years.
I just recently took a look at some pictures of all my recent serious girlfriends, and realized they all looked very similar. And the girl I’m currently wooing also resembles the others. The girl before her, though, looked totally different than the rest, and although our personalities meshed pretty well, I wasn’t as physically attracted to her. So, as far as looks go, I’d say I know my type and go after it.
As far as personality types go, I guess I’m still trying to figure that one out. Once I find a girl that “fits,” I’ll guess I’ll know.
My husband is definitely my type. Except he’s not real big on “doing stuff”, you know, going to concerts (except classical) and just hanging out. But:
Intelligent? Check.
Passionate? Check.
Romantic? Check.
Sense of humor? Check.
Good hygeine? Check.
Nice, respectful person? Check.
Bookish/Nerdy? Check.
Confident? Check.
Desire for physical fitness & healthy eating? Check. (I don’t mean THIN or MUSCULAR neccesarily. I mean pursuit of sensible fitness goals.)
Dark Hair? Check
Domineering? Check. (not in a kinky sort of way :eek: )
Etcetera, etcetera. Most of the men I have been attracted to have dark hair. I love nerds, but they have to be confident, at least once in the relationship. I can handle making the first move, but after that, it’s got to be 50/50.
One guy I was with was really passive and it drove me nuts. Sometimes he was passive-agressive. I need a straight-talker, and I like someone that I can say to, “You can’t boss me around!” Is that sick? I guess I see someone trying to boss me around (in a non-abusive way) as a feeling of being cared for.
*Any incoherence or spelling errors in this post is caused by my being hopped up on Tylenol with Codeine. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it!
My Secret Doper Girlfriend is completely my type in personality and intelligence… she’s smart, sassy, argumentative, sweet, snuggly and fun. And physically, she’s definitely my type… shortish and thin, with long dark hair and glasses (although her hair would have to be straight to fit the mold absolutely perfectly).
But our interests are quite different. There’s quite a bit of overlap, fortunately, but she loves foreign countries and languages and travel, which I’m barely interested in at all. And, more generally, she always wants to try things that are new and different, whereas I like to find something I like doing, and then do it a lot.
I guess we’ll see how things work out…
I honestly don’t know what “my type” is. I’ve been attracted to some really (and I do mean really) different sorts of women, and I find I go through phases where I’m into one sort of look and style, and then suddenly I’m onto something else, with nothing perceptable driving the shift. I think it’s one of the biggest challenges of being married, quite frankly: A person doesn’t stay the same, so why should their “type”? The one you settle down with today may not be your ideal tomorrow.
I suppose not having a clear preference helps in this regard. If she’s not my type on Monday, perhaps by Friday; and sure enough, I always come around again. We’re still relatively young, and not falling apart in our inevitable decrepitude. But when we’re in our seventies, I bet I’ll still find a young woman’s body more beautiful than an old one; so won’t I be in trouble then if that’s my type? I don’t know. I don’t like to think about it. Hopefully we’ll get by somehow, and grow old and happy together all the same. I’ve seen it happen before, so my chances look good.
Oh, I definitely have a type. Think Bruce Springsteen, circa 1984. Dark hair, dark eyes, wiry but muscular, not too tall, blue collar all the way…Zowie! Add in a testosterone-driven swagger, and it’s swoonsville for me. I have such a strong affinity for this type that my best friend makes a sport out of picking out guys and informing me that I think they’re hot. She’s rarely wrong.
El hubbo, on the other hand, is way too tall, way too burly, has the wrong coloring, is bald, and in virtually all ways is completely opposite from my type. Oh well. My husband is very good looking, however, and his body type is one that most women desire. It’s ironic that I ended up with the holy grail–a 6’2" broad shouldered man with rugged good looks–and I don’t even appreciate it. Oh, I’m attracted to him and everything. I married him after all. But no, he’s not my type.
If you asked me, I would never have said I had a thing for “bad” boys. And thinking back on past relationships, there were one or two that were kinda dodgy, but no crooks, no major druggies, no drunks, no bikers, no freak show candidates. Not one that I wouldn’t have brought home to meet Mom. (OK, maybe ONE…)
Yet everyone seemed to be shocked when I married a nice, decent, responsible guy! Apparently, I was expected to run away with a rock band.
I have a physical ‘type’. My ‘type’ is tall, dark haired, solid build, dark brown or green eyes, glasses, medium-to-dark skin, and has a white collar job (preferably in an academic kind of field).
My husband is
tall (yay!),
mousy hair (complete with male pattern baldness which kicked in when he was still in his teens),
decidedly lean and lanky,
pale blueish-greenish eyes,
the kind of white skin you can only get on someone with an entirely caucasian set of genetics… compounded with permanent night shift work,
works in a factory.
And I have *never * met someone I liked so much on first meeting them.
His type, from what I can tell (he’s too polite to tell me when I ask, but I’ve noted the girls he says are attractive on TV) is tall, slim, athletic, blonde (long hair), and very feminine in presentation.
I am
tall (yay!)
about 240lbs (about twice what I should weigh, in other words)
decidedly un-sporty
mousy haired (usually dyed red)
and I’ve been mistaken for a lesbian because of my preference for utilitarian clothing, short-short haircut and lack of feminine tendencies.
And he has *never * met someone he liked so much on first meeting them.
We’ve been living together about 8 years, and married for 4, and absolutely adore each other. He’s my best friend and soul mate.
I don’t really have a specific physical type, but I do tend to like dark hair and eyes.
My sweetie has the sort of brown hair you end up with when you start off as a blond kid and your hair turns darker, and blueish-greenish eyes. Also somewhat nerdish (he prefers geekish, but I still think nerdish is more accurate) and bookish and not a raging extrovert, so we both understand the other’s introverted tendencies. We’re not antisocial by any means, but kind of slow to warm up, if you know what I mean.
He is absolutely adorable and treats me like a goddess. I am one lucky woman.
For the most part, I have dated “my type”. Exceptions being when I was set-up by friends, in clayton* relationships, and the person I dated most recently (who from an intellectual background was my type, but was quite the opposite in pretty much every other way.)
*“Clayton” is something I got from Aussie ex-pat Sniffs_Markers. Back in the day, there use to be a NON-alcoholic whiskey called Clayton’s. Their ad tagline was something like “It’s the drink you have when you can’t have a drink.” So “clayton” ended up being used locally as an adjective. So a “clayton relationship” would be the person you’re dating when you’re not really serious about dating. Like a fling over summer break.
It’s funny, I am 42 years old, and I’ve been attracted to girls/women with dark (brown or black) hair since as long as I can remember. My first crush, Margaret, in 1st/2nd grade, then again when we moved to DC in 3rd/4th grade (Joan had dark, brooding eyes, too, which were great, and not a little bit rare in a fourth grader). Ditto seventh grade when I fell madly in love with Christy, who also had olive skin and was slightly exotic looking (although I don’t think I really noticed it at the time). Didn’t really have any girlfriends in 8th grade (different school), but lusted after a couple the one dark haired cheerleader and then was in total heat over a Mexican-American girl who transferred in later.
Somehow, though, my first couple of girlfriends in high school were redheads or blondes. I think this was because either a) I was less intimidated by them or b) they pursued me as much or more than I pursued them. I did have a one night “fling” with a younger brunette named Susan, who I was intoxicated by, but some social pressures kept us apart. After my leggy blonde GF Kris threw me over for some college guy I flirted with dated some brunettes, was seriously involved with Teresa, who had dark hair and beautiful blue eyes. We split up after I left for college, and from that point there are too many to sort through, but I definitely preferred brunettes. Redheads and blondes can be gorgeous, too, of course, but my head is definitely turned by dark hair. It’s a weakness. Of course, if they’re not nice people or fun to be around then it’s irrelevant.
It probably all goes back to Maryanne over Ginger. Hands down.
