How do people form their “type”? I’m perhaps clearer than most on what my type is: my whole life, I’ve been powerfully drawn to exceptionally slender brunettes with straight hair, aquiline noses, high cheekbones with some other odd features tossed in occasionally, such as an overbite, small breasts, shapely calves, thick eyebrows, and a few more. I married one such woman, and have made a fool of myself for dozens of others, though I’ve often dated blondes, or pug-nosed beauties, or the eyebrowless, albeit always with misgivings. Anyway, in reflecting on my current (kinda) GF here
whom I first laid eyes on during the Eisenhower administration, when I was 7 years old, I wonder if I was first beginning to form this generic attraction (she pretty much qualifies across the board) or if I already had it by age 7. Was I born with it? Do some guys just pop out of the womb thinking, “I want me a chubby blonde, whatever the hell that is” or is it formed at a much later date and only in retrospect do we realize that most of our partners have fit that pattern? Is it an outgrowth of some early turn-on that molds your preferences for life, or is are you attracted to that early turn-on because you’ve had this pattern on your tastes in a sort of pre-ordained way?
In trying to explain my pre-adolescent feelings to my current (kinda) GF, I explained that I thought she was pretty before my sexuality had even formed—IOW, my 7-year-old self admired her (she was 9 and ½) , thought she was a cool kid, but I wasn’t close to forming a sexual identity as yet. When I was growing up, I found Audrey Hepburn lovely, and was entranced by Jackie Kennedy, and Mary Tyler Moore (“Oh, Rob!!”) so some of this type must have existed in my dumb little head by the early 1960s, and most of the girls I had crushes on in grade school (1958- 1965) shared these features. So the questions are:
Do you have a “type”? What is it? How far back (at what age) do you remember preferring your type? Has your “type” changed over the years? Have you abandoned your “type” as an immature and superficial way of selecting partners? Have you stuck to that type through thick and thin? Do you have an “anti-type” (that is, are there physical characteristics that you will never be able to get your head around?)? Are you glad you have a “type” or is it mainly a nuisance? (Lately I’ve come to think of it as a nuisance, in that I’m willing to cut yards of extra slack to a woman who fits my type, and am irritably stingy with slack to women who are not, which suits neither them nor me.)
Geez, I’m 48 years old and I’m still refining/discovering my type.
I’ve recently come to realize just how important height is to me. About a foot shorter than me is ideal. Also slender, small breasts, and straight hair. I’ve recently gone on a couple of dates with someone who fits all but one of those criteria. (She’s got some major hooters.)
Personality wise, someone who is more of a feeler than a thinker and more outgoing than introverted. While I can’t bring myself to believe in woo woo concepts like astrology, tarot cards, and good luck charms, a woman who does is exactly my type.
Except for one of the above things, I wouldn’t have dreamed of any of those things being important to me even a couple of years ago.
After dating all different types of girls, from gothed out girls with tons of makeup and long, dark hair to hipster girls with shorter, blonde hair, I’ve come to realize my type is simple: attractive. I’m attracted to attractive women.
Smart, introspective, abstractly analytical…and that’s about it, really.
That’s not to say that looks aren’t important; it’s just that my tastes range all over the spectrum. I’ve dated — and been highly attracted to — girls from a 4’11" waif to a 6’3", 200lb kickboxer (there’s something kinda sexy about being with a girl who could kick your ass in a straight-up fight :D). I gave up long ago trying to put a pin on the physical aspect…it’s the mentality that I find attractive; all I ask beyond that is that I find her pleasant enough to look at, and good things come in all shapes and sizes.
Clearly tdn and I should wing for each other, because the Venn diagrams of our types cross only insofar as the plumbing.
My type is best described as Jessica Rabbit or Lauren Bacall; tall, shapely, with a deep but sultry and feminine voice, dry and slightly sardonic sense of humor, who knows that she is appealing but doesn’t need to parade her sexuality, and isn’t snappish or backbiting but doesn’t put up with a lot of nonsense, either. Flaky behavior, superstitious beliefs, and a “feel rather than think” approach to life are right out; I just don’t have time or patience for the kind of nonsensical drama that entails.
I’ve been counselled by many that I should expand my horizons and “open myself up” to different types, but that has never worked out well. There is a certain amount of illogical behaviors and ideas I can cope with without criticizing, but a constant stream of ill-considered, thoughtless comments is just unbearable.
I’m right with you on the flaky behavior bit, and I certainly don’t want nonsensical drama.
But I’m playing with this idea when it comes to thinking/feeling and introvert/extrovert, we do best when we seek our opposites, because we end up with someone who balances our energy. Thinking back on the women I loved the most over the past few decades, that has really tended to be true for me. And I’ve noticed lately that if I meet a woman who’s an introvert thinker, like me, she bores me almost to the point of irritation.
On the other hand, someone who is so unlike me that we can’t connect on any level is not an option at all.
I think my taste in women - both physical and intangible - was formed when my parents allowed me to watch Twin Peaks as a child. Bad parenting on their part, but also a highly formative experience.
You can’t really help if you have a “type”. I myself (23 and female, if that helps put things into perspective) find it impossible to define my “type”. If I look at the guys I have dated, I can’t really find a thing in common between them all, at least not physically. When asked my type, I usually just relate it to my ex-husband, the “computer geek”, but before him I had never dated anyone like him.
So, I envy those of you that can clearly define your “type”. At least you know what you’re looking for! If I had to define my “type”, it would be someone who liked to argue or banter back and forth (without taking it too seriously), and someone who found my quirks (both geeky and artsy) to be endearing rather than “strange”. Not an easy thing to figure out within the first few minutes of meeting someone.
I think I am wired to seek out genetic diversity. As an adult exposed to all sorts of women I find myself strongly preferring black and hispanic women with asian women in 3rd place. I’ve met comparatively few indian or middle eastern women but find them very attractive too. On the other hand I’ve always lived in majority white areas so I’ve dated many white women and even then I’ve preferred mediterranean women with darker features to pale women with dark hair, who are still better than boring old blondes.
It’s a 100% physical thing, for what it’s worth. I’ve always worried about being associated with creepy people who expect women to behave differently based on their looks or ethnic background.
I like my wine like I like my women: white and sweet and grown in Missouri!
Joking aside: traditionally “hot” women like Angelina Jolie do very little for me. I prefer the more plain-jane, “cute” type, like Ellen Page. Preferably with a little meat on their bones. And smart, too. I loves me some nerd.
So, to summarize: cute, pudgy and nerdy. Mrs. Homie!!!
Lately I’ve been classifying attractive women into four categories: Cute, adorable, beautiful, and stunning. I suppose there’s a fifth type, pretty. I’ve come to the conclusion that my favorite type is adorable. And it has as much to do with personality as it does looks.
Ellen Page is somewhere between cute and adorable.
Tall, like 6 feet. Slim, and lithe. I admire muscle men, but I’m not really into them. Flat belly. Amused, smiling eyes, and a quick wit, and exceptionally good-looking, almost, but not quite pretty - but must-must-must be clearly masculine. For example, a sharp jaw or a face just slightly out of proportion to “mar” the prettiness.
Surprisingly, my man fits almost all of the criteria. I say surprisingly because how often do you get what you really want? But I wonder if my tastes haven’t changed over the years - when I was a teen I liked (some) facial hair, and darker, more manly men. Now I don’t want them effeminate, but a softer look is better.
Physically, my ‘type’ are big guys- the muscular, not squishy variety (so, think big shoulders and chest, defined waist). Taller (5’10’’ +). And I seem to be most attracted to men that at least look mixed- so half black and half hispanic, creole, whatever.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve certainly dated other guys and am not locked into that “type”, but I can tell you that I am heads and tails most attracted to what I just described. While my blonde haired, blue eyed boyfriends are cute, they never elicit the same “I need to jump you RIGHT NOW” feeling that the “type” do.
Personality wise, I tend to like guys who are intelligent and a bit cocky.
My type hasn’t really changed, though I’ve finally started to realize it more. Why would I abandon it? It’s what I like! I don’t know if I’m glad or not to have a type because, well, it’s just a standard thing- we’re all attracted to something.
My wife is hard-working, free with an opinion, willing to call me an idiot, well read and independent. She’s more likely to laugh at something or mock it than get mad at it. If something happened to me today I have no doubt she could survive and be just as good without me as she is with me. She’s been like that since I met her and its done us well for 34 years. So that’s basically my type.
Before I met her and maybe if she dies first? Females with a pulse will become “my type”.
Nerdy, feminist guys who think I’m funny. Aside from that, not much. I guess there’s a vaguely hipster-ish style I’m attracted to (more clothes than physical appearance), but it’s got a lot to do with what I don’t like. I don’t have a physical type that I’m attracted to, but I do have quite a few things that turn me off (ugly tatts, overly styled hair, sports team-related clothing, bad teenage mustaches, small vocabularies, etc.), so it’s a process of elimination.
