Someone is convinced that their “type” is a tall, athletic blond, or a dark, mysterious Latino/Latina…and that’s the only type of person they notice or date. Then they fall in love with the opposite- or at least a very different- physical type- even the complete opposite type.
How does that happen? How does the different type penetrate the screening device?
Has this happened to you?
I think it depends on what attracts you to the person in the first place. When someone is my physical ‘type’ I will find them attractive immediately just from looking at them. But if I happen to spend time around someone in non-date-variety situations, then I will get to know them and discover other characteristics that attract me to them beyond just looks, even if I didn’t go ‘phwoar’ when I first saw them.
I do tend to prefer a certain look in men - skinny, androgynous, dark-haired, tall - but one of my most recent crushes was on a man who is overweight, bearded, and average height (though he is dark-haired! :)). The reason I was attracted to him despite the lack of conformity to my ‘type’ was because he’s friendly and easygoing, funny and witty, confident and nigh impossible to embarrass - the kind of person who just makes you feel comfortable to be around.
Not only is my fiance not my physical “type”, he’s not even remotely in my “appropriate” age range. He’s 57, I’m 35. He’s a pretty old looking 57 at that, overweight* with grey hair and wrinkles and even missing teeth (bad genes and a Pepsi addiction).
At first, I didn’t consider him “datable” even after I knew he was interested in me. In fact, in the summer of '08, he hit on me and I turned him down flat. He was a nice guy, and I had a great time talking to him, but he was just not on my radar as a romantic possibility.
Last summer, he made it clear that he was still interested, and I pondered it for a long while. He’s funny, smart, has a lot of the same interests I do, but from a slightly different angle so he’s really fun to talk to (for example, he’s a paramedic and I’m a nursing student; I love to talk medicine with him, but emergency medicine is very different from nursing medicine). Basically, I really enjoyed spending time with him, I just couldn’t picture, y’know…being romantic with someone only a few years younger than my dad!
I decided I was being an ageist twit, and gave him a shot. Best decision I ever made. Turns out that age and experience can be quite sexy, and I find him very attractive now. I’m ridiculously in love, and we’re getting married next fall! 
*Well, he *was *overweight. We both dropped over 50 pounds without trying when we got together. New love is the best diet plan ever!
Maybe their preconceived “type” isn’t their type at all - hence having never fallen in love with of them.
The OP didn’t say that the hypothetical person had never fallen in love with someone of their type.
I’ve had a type since I was like 12, but as Electric Warrior said, it’s possible to let other outstanding characteristics fill in for the lack of typeness. I once worked with a man that was so far from my type I would have laughed out loud at the thought of dating him when we met, yet by the time I left there I was in love.
An appealing personality is pretty good at overriding a person’s type. I’m short, and I generally prefer guys 6’ or less, but my current crush is taller than that by a few inches, and he’s pretty thin too which is something else I don’t usually go for - but he’s also funny as hell, so that helps.
I was kind of thinking of the Charlotte character in Sex in the City who thought her type was the tall, preppie WASP type, but she fell in love with the bald, chubby Jewish lawyer.
I’ve also seen this in real life, too, and I was wondering how people give the non-type person a chance.
For example, I’m sure y’all know women who won’t even look at a guy if he’s shorter than they are. This makes NO sense to me at all. My good friend’s daughter is in her 30’s and dying to get married and start a family. There’s a lovely guy in her circle who is devoted to children, funny… he’s a widower only a couple of years older than she is. Maybe they wouldn’t be compatible, but she won’t even consider him because he’s shorter than she is! Dumb IMHO.
I like the stories that have been posted so far. Very sweet.
I don’t think I have a “type.” All the guys I’ve been interested in have been very different from each other. But they have to be smart and kind. And passionate about something.
It’s not dumb. The heart wants what it wants. What are you gonna do?
Well, what I did was ask myself, “Self, you’re pushing middle age and you’re fat. Obese, even. If there was some guy you were really crushing on who didn’t think you were his “type” because you’re fat, wouldn’t you be thrilled if he gave you a chance anyhow?” And I would. So I gave him the same chance I’d have wanted myself.
Yes, it was purely an intellectual exercise at first. The love came after.
It is good when people can come together in love despite one or both not being the other’s set “type”, yes, but it’s also not bad when someone can’t do that. You can’t fault someone for not being attracted to someone.
I have some types that I’m attracted to, but looking for someone I want to spend my life with goes far beyond attraction. I agree that attraction has to be there, but there has to be much more than just attraction. In my experience like others have said, finding someone you’re compatible with and enjoy being with can lead to an attraction growing.
I’ve always been attracted to the tall, skinny, lanky type, but my ex-boyfriend was pretty…rotund. He had a broad body, so the only part of him that seemed a little fat was his stomach. I never thought I could be into someone with his body type, but he was sort of cute, and incredibly sweet when we first met. After some time had passed, I started to love how much of him there was, because it meant he could give me enormous hugs! I guess his genuine kindness and warmth overrode my preconceived notions of what kind of body I wanted in a boyfriend, and I fell in love pretty quickly.
I agree with this 100%. Attraction is only part of the puzzle that is a successful relationship. It helps to launch relationships, but it can also be a piece that comes later, after other pieces have fallen into place and the relationship is coming together. I didn’t really notice my husband’s looks first thing when I met him. But I started to get to know him and quickly came to think he was the sexiest guy ever.
Whoa, ditto to all of this. I thought I really wanted tall, skinny, blue-eyed, blond-haired, pale-skinned guys. My guy is… tall! He was funny and sweet, and charmed me.
It helps if you’re not meeting people at a bar. Throughout high school and college, only one of my girlfriends was my ‘type’. I met them all through school (somehow - class, dorms, working on a play), which means I got to know them before asking them out. I’ve found that since graduating, I’m actually much more likely to end up with someone who’s my type, because I don’t get thrown together with people who aren’t me physical type, but ARE my type personality-wise.
I’m delighted with these stories and responses… AND they’re all from women. (Keep 'em coming.)
Does this mean SDMB women can look beyond the “type,” but SDMB men don’t/can’t? Or that the SDMB men are too shy to post their stories?
Gentlemen, have you fallen in love with a woman that wasn’t (what you thought was) your “type”?
I did. I married her, and we are now the parents of two children.
Though I should add that I met and talked to her online, at first, before we actually met.
Give it more than four hours. And no, i’m shallow I guess. She needs to be physically attractive to me first. 5’-5’7’’ 95-140 lbs. You get the idea.
I read somewhere just the other day that men are more likely to know right away if they would ever date the other person, and base the majority of that decision on her looks, and that women are more likely to fall for someone after getting to know them, based mostly on his personality.
I wasn’t inquiring so much about physical attractiveness as about “type.” For example, if you consider your type to be 5’7", 120 lbs, blond, athletic, long hair, tanned, jeans and tank top type, and you met a woman who was 5’7", 120 lbs short curly black hair, professional pianist, pale skin, hates the sun, fashion plate… would you even notice her? Or is your filter only set for your type?
