Non-physical may be the wrong term. Though I’m primarily interested in cases in which you were attracted by a woman’s great big brain or a man’s love of puppies, I don’t object to tales of finding voices sexy either (and, of course, voices are physical). In other words, tell us about times in which your romantic interest or sexual interest in someone was *sparked *by things other than a handsome face or shapely body.
The guys I’ve dated have hardly ever been the guys who would have turned my head walking down the street. Those ones, I don’t even talk to - they’re too intimidating.
It’s about intelligence, and wit, and confidence, and the ability to relate to me as a person, and the ability to make me laugh. Oh, and being single.
Lookswise, all I ask is not-hideous. Say, on a scale of 1-10, a 3 or more. So yeah, I’ve gone out with a lot of fellows who I didn’t find particularly attractive on a physical level, but because of who they are they become attractive to me.
You’re pretty much describing every person I’ve ever been attracted to in a serious way. Very few guys I’ve fallen for have been conventionally attractive.
For me, it starts with something smart or funny or compassionate they do and say. I knew my husband for a year, with no romantic inclinations whatsoever, before I fell head-over-heels in love with him. If the day we met, someone had walked up, pointed to him and said, ‘‘hey, that’s your future husband right there,’’ I would have been seriously ‘‘WTF?’’ Not because he’s unattractive (he’s a cutie-pie on a bad day and smokin’ hot on a good one), but because my mind just never went there. It didn’t go there until I got to know him.
I’m not saying I can’t feel attraction on a physical level, or have never had any ‘‘holy shit, that guy is hawt’’ moments, but if moronic or even just unimpressive shit starts coming out of the sexy man’s mouth, he ceases to be sexy. In order for my attraction to be sustained it must be backed up personality. For me, the brain is the single most important erogenous zone.
The first guy I had serious feelings for was so far from what I usually find physically attractive. He was stick thin, wheelchair bound, sometimes had pimples and his hair stuck up funny. He was also smart, funny as hell, friendly, easygoing, my kind of weird and one of the most interesting people I knew. After I fell for him, he quickly became beautiful to me. I started to notice his pretty blue eyes, the light freckles on his cheeks and his nicely shaped hands. I found his physical appearance attractive because it was his.
Weird attractions:
Girl 1. She subedited my written copy very harshly.
Girl 2. She told me she was a cartographer.
You know those SMS chat thingies on TV? I got to spend some time in a hospital (car accident)… the only thing I could get out of the TV at night was one of those, or home shopping network, and I wasn’t that desperate. There was this moderator on the chat… who sometimes commented on what people were texting in. I found her absolutely adorable. She was funny in an evil and sarcastic way, didn’t take herself too seriously…
… anyways, long story short, we were together for 3 years. I was attracted to her personality first. The fact she was actually a curvy little redhead (which happens to be my type in general) was an unexpected bonus.
I can’t remember when I was attracted to a woman because of her physical attributes. It’s always been their personality.
I am rarely attracted to someone purely for physical reasons. What’s most attractive to me is a good sense of humor, sense of adventure and fun, intelligence, openness. I think what attracts most people is the way the other person makes them feel, not how they look. By “feel,” I mean how special they make you feel–how kind they are to you, how interested they are in you and what makes you tick. Good looks don’t hurt, but I’m never attracted to someone romantically because of them.
With the exception of my current SO (who I really do believe is very handsome, though that’s not why I’m with him), I don’t think I’ve had an adult relationship with anybody who would be considered objectively attractive. They’re not all hideous, or whatever, but not one of them would turn heads. Average.
I’m also convinced I don’t have a physical “type”. There have been too many differences between men I’ve been attracted to (except that they were all jerks).
I don’t have a physical “type” either and almost every person I’ve been attracted to has had a silly streak. They were fun to hang around with and made me feel like they were really paying attention to me. That’s not exactly what I’m trying to say. They showed an interest in me, not how I looked.
I met my wife on a BBS before the Worldwide Web thing took off. She was smart and funny and non condescending. I was pleasantly surprised when I actually met her for the first time and she was good looking.
A couple of weekends ago, I was camping with our cub scout pack and met a new family that just joined. She’s no beauty pageant winner, but not hard on the eyes. I’m married and she’s married so I didn’t think too much about it. But as we got to talking around the campfire that evening, I realized that she is VERY funny. Like professional standup comedian funny with perfect timing. Like Betty White funny. Like Tina Fey and Amy Pohler on Weekend Update funny.
I wouldn’t ever cheat on my wife or do anything with a married woman, but I was surprised at how attracted I felt.
My husband. I was attracted to him because he’s a chef. I have a thing for chefs. He had a unibrow, long, scraggly hair and was kinda skinny.
But then I got to know him. And I noticed his beautiful blue eyes, and great smile. And that scraggly hair? I grew to love that, too. But the unibrow had to go.
Oh, I can really understand this.
I once had a first date with that amazing girl, a PhD in archeology. She readily invited me at her place, where I could see she had a library full of books about history, geography, and by my favorite humorist.
Really, I was so head over heels that, on that night, I half-jokingly asked her if she could marry me.
A few moments later in the bed… it fell down apart. She just stood on her back, her legs spread apart, not touching me, not motivated in any way. Like the most hardcore Christian you could imagine (and I dated a devout Christian who was quite active in bed).
It ended before it really began.
Yeah, that romantic attraction was really non-physical. For she behaved like a blow-up doll :(.
Almost every single guy I’ve ever been seriously attracted to has been someone that I initially met over the Internet, and in most cases I had no idea what they looked like prior to developing the attraction.
MrWhatsit, for example, lit my fire when I discovered that 1) we had certain deviant interests in common, and 2) he could routinely beat me at trivia games.
Of course, it turns out that MrWhatsit is smoking hot, but that’s just a nice little side bonus.
You sent him to the barber or was it a middle-of-the-night stealth waxing?
No, my feminine wiles and a little coaxing convinced him that he looks much better, more professional, what have you, without it. He takes care of it on his own now.
A particular co-worker of mine was very kind to me during the early stages of my separation from my ex-wife, and despite being almost the antithesis of my “type,” had me falling hard for her. Circumstances prevented our actually getting together, which worked out for the best for me as I’m now with the awesomest girlfriend ever, but we’re still great friends.
I used to work with an artist who did commercial art, but also what she called “real art.” While not unattractive, I would not have said she was pretty. But I would have dated her in heart beat. She was quirky and fun and made me laugh whenever we were together.
I suspect her quirks would have made me nuts pretty quickly, but I did have fun with her.
My current boyfriend’s a co-worker, and for years I just knew him as a name on funny but work-related emails. I knew what he looked like, but I never really checked him out. One day, for some reason, the conversation veered off work topics and anything remotely serious. The banter was incredibly fun and nerdy, full of puns, sarcasm, shy flirting, and old and new pop culture references. I can’t explain how, but it simultaneously was challenging to keep up and flowed easily. The email conversation lasted three days, and by the time it was done, we were definitely very interested in each other.
Now I look at him, and I see his lovely thick brown hair and warm brown eyes and smile. Angels sing, flowers bloom, and the universe is right. How was I immune to this before? I’ll never know.
My wife. When we were dating, I pretty much knew I wasn’t my type. We talked about marriage often, and I made an offhand comment once: I really want to marry someone with a sense of humor. Our next date, she told me the worst joke ever, and you could tell the embarrassment was killing her. She was blushing, stuttering, and totally making a fool of herself. I realized then that this was a woman who would stick with me through thick and thin and do anything in her power to make me happy.