The girl I’m crushing on right now. She caught my attention because her name is almost the exact same as mine. Her last name is exactly the same and her first name is very close. I can have a lot of fun with that. She’s also smoking hot.
This is kind of physical, but has nothing to do with looks: how a guy moves. Good posture, an assertive stride, and a fast, fluid way of maneuvering. I work in restaurants, and I always have a work crush on someone who has a knack for darting around the place during a dinner rush gracefully. Especially if that person and I have an intuitive flow when working in close quarters that keeps collisions and the need to say ‘excuse me, I need to get by’ to a minimum. There’s something sexual about this kind of understanding of shared space. I think it’s why service industry folks are notorious for sleeping with their co-workers. Always a bad idea in the end. Sigh.
They all were, unless you would include “gee that total stranger walking towards me on the sidewalk looks sexyhot” in the broad category of “my romantic interest or sexual interest in someone”. In other words if you’re talking about a romantic/sexual interest that gets expressed, results in at least a fledgling relationship or a kiss-n-nibble or SOMETHING other than an ogle du jour, I’ve never had one where my interest was caused by the other person’s visual aspect.
I know that makes me sound like some ostentatiously proper jerk, like I’m carrying around an attitude of “You should ONLY care about the inner girl, cute torsos SHOULD NOT affect your decisions”, but that’s not really it. (I really should get involved with someone just from a starting-off point of wow-you’re-cute, I just don’t know how to get there from here).
But you wanted me to tell you about the others. Which is all of them. (What the hell do I constrast them with? Let’s see…) I started off early meeting prospective partners through personal ads. In the era before the internet or even BBS services, there was newsprint, and I placed an ad. We corresponded, then spoke on the phone. Her voice did make an impact, I have to say. But by and large the main reason was that she liked what I said in my ad and found it fascinating, and I found her interesting to correspond with and quickly realized we’d always have a lot to talk about.
In the internet era I met several people on emai lists and got to talking with them in private emails that turned to flirting (:: stops to count :
janet molly bandytoes at least three times; and on more specific dating / romancing sites or posting areas, the personal ad scenario was basically repeated ( ::stops to count:: ) jan, dottye, ninquan thee times also, all this in the era before online dating became photo-centric, so we didnt’ see what each other looked like until we’d been exchanging messages & flirting for quite some time. It’s the dialog, the interplay of ideas & stuff. That’s where the fit is rare, whereas most folk of the female sex come in pretty shapes, so it makes more sense to find the people where you can have mutual understanding and then eliminate any whose appearance is a dealbreaker, rather than pick for looks then have to disqualify nearly all of them because you’re incompatible, right? At least that’s how I looked at it then.
Exactly the sort of thing I was looking for, though.
Competence does it for me. If I see a woman who has her shit together and knows where her towel is, that’s very attractive. A woman who is looking harried, frustrated, slovenly, and desperately looking for that thing she needs for her next appointment while bemoaning how poorly the last one went, that’s a huge turnoff. The one I remember was a stage manager who nailed every cue, always had things set pre-show, and seemed to be everywhere during strike, always anticipating the problems someone was having and lending a hand when and where it was needed. V. sexy.
Enjoy,
Steven
The most intense attraction I’ve ever felt was on a guy who was average-looking at best and not someone I would have noticed when passing him on the street. But he had the sweetest sense of humor, almost like a child – not silly, but…guileless and full of joy. He also had this quality I can only describe as stillness, like an almost supernatural patience, that made me feel like I could tell him anything and he would listen to me. He was someone you could trust without reservation, but at the same time he was really fun to be around, always cheerful and up for an adventure…really good company. I’m pretty sure he liked me too (plus, the way he would look at me sometimes…whew). Unfortunately, our life circumstances precluded us having a relationship so we were never more than friends, I moved to another state, and we’ve since lost touch. I’ll never forget that guy. I don’t often find myself attracted to people (I have a sluggish love muscle or something :p) but he was something special. Not at all someone you would notice for his looks, but a really amazing person.
He also had beautiful wrists. That part in A.S. Byatt’s “Morpho Eugenia” (made into the movie “Angels and Insects”) when the main character tells the governess, “I have seen your wrists, Matilda. I dreamed about them now and then. You have–remarkable–wrists.”…I know just how that man felt.
Mostly touchy-feely people. Especially if they are always excited to see me. Ocasionally because of the way a woman moves. Oh, and once because this girl was incredibly smart–she was the first person I’d met smart enough to program her calculator so she could get her homework done a lot faster. Unfortunately, I learned she has something about her that made her totally off limits, despite the fact that she had started flirting with me.
And, no, I have never dated anyone for merely being physically attractive, but that doesn’t seem to be the main question.
I went with a guy for a while and he looked a lot like the movie version of Gimli the dwarf. Mostly I was attracted to his smarts and sense of humour. Except when he was skiing, then he moved like… Greased Lightening. I seriously got into watching his ass when he skiied.
Unfortunately he smelled like ferrets and there were a few other problems, so I ended it.
I only read the op!
One girlfriend repeatedly spontaneously spoke in full paragraphs. I thought that was great. She had really great lips though…
I seem to continually fall in love with Gay Men - explains why I can’t seem to get laid, huh?
I have been attracted to so many women (nearly all of whom I have never met). First off, female singers with a certain kind of voice: Carole Welsman (who is around fifty, but still gorgeous, but that’s not what I find attractive). There was a radio announcer, Danielle Charbonneau, that I and every other man who heard her voice wanted to get in bed with (later I saw a photo and she was also smashing). I heard a talk from a woman who looks were rather plain, but whose voice was mesmerizing.
Lest you think it is always the voice, I am reading the Lindsay Davis’s latest Falco novel and I am very attracted to her, although from her pictures, she is nothing to look at. Whenever I hear a woman mathematician, I fall in love.
Hmm OK now it’s physical too.
Which is nice.
Acerbic wit does it for me. The louder, snarkier, and funnier a woman is without edging over into judgmental asshole territory, the sexier I find her.
A therapist would have a field day with me, I think.
I was re-reading The Vampire Lestat, and I remember when I fell in love with Anne Rice on the beauty of her writing alone.
When I saw her picture, I changed my mind quick. I still love her writing, though.
:: checks Evil Overlord inventory, since it’s all sitting idle these days ::
Can I interest you in a 24-hour-de-gayifier?
I’m in love with the woman who sings background on The Waterboys “Whole of the Moon”. I’ve never even seen her.
Neat thread. Let’s see, in the past few years I’ve had the pleasure to date several grad students, a couple of women with master’s degrees, and one of NOAA’s PhD’s (who incidentally had the biggest boobies of the lot, but I digress). One was a social worker who, in retrospect, really wasn’t pretty. At all! But she worked with the poor, she was super zesty, she spoke fluent Spanish as a second language… I don’t know, I just liked her. At the time it was as others have said- suddenly she seemed sexy. She dumped me suddenly, and it made me sad. Later I realized she wasn’t pretty after all, but oh well, it never really mattered. Yes, I seem to be having good luck lately (though I doubt I have the mojo to score a date with Una).
Here’s a good one: I met a woman this Spring who was omg :eek: so Hot! that I had to give her a chance no matter what (no post-grad). It lasted about 3 weeks before she dropped me. I wasn’t sad. It would’ve lasted 3 1/2 weeks had she waited for me to drop her. She wasn’t evil or rotten, she just wasn’t very interesting (to me). Funny thing is, she was kind of obsessed with her looks, which caused her to take care of her looks and I suppose in a way be even better looking, but the mild obsession was actually an annoying turn-off. I’m pretty sure I was dating her for the psychological reason that she was the same physical type as an army sergeant I had dated years ago. Part of me will always be in love with sarge even though it was always doomed. This one was a polymath, a firebrand and dynamo, an artist and nutcase, and she went on to become a professional army historian. I am sure there are guys on the board who will agree they would give an army historian a chance regardless of looks (or even accuse me of lying :p). Well, she was totally hot too, but rough around the edges and only mildly obsessed with her looks half of the time 
That one lasted many years, on and off.
I’m female, always been hetero, and I can’t remember ever being attracted to a guy for purely physical reasons. Even in movies, tv, whatever, it’s an attitude, something personal that draws me.
What’s interesting is that I later become mildly attracted physically to men who physically resemble men I was drawn to in the past for non-physical reasons.
As I’ve ended up dating just about every physical type out there, as I grow older, more and more guys remind me, physically, of exes…
It’s kinda backwards, nah?
I’m safe, though, as the attraction’s blown the moment they begin speaking, typically. 