I love getting mail, don’t you?
Why just today I was invited to an “all teen fuck fest”. I mean, I don’t even know these people and they’re inviting me to some sort of party! I think that’s nice of them.
And what about all my credit card debt? I used to worry about it, and then cJhfj43254chh@debtfix.com let me know that he’s got a GUARANTEED system to rid me of it all.
Oh, and a letter from Kitten. I guess she’s a feeling a little “randy”. She wants to ‘cum all over my face’. I’ll have to tell her I’m married. I’m sure it will disappoint her.
What’s this? Improving my golf game? I really should respond to these people and let them know that I don’t even PLAY golf. Obviously this email went to the wrong person. I hope someone in South Carolina isn’t waiting for these tips!!
Apparently I can now accept credit cards! Fantastic! I mean, I’m not a retail business these days, and all I can sell is my love and good wishes Ha ha! ;), but I’m glad to hear that with a few easy steps, I’ll be able to accept credit cards from anywhere in the world.
And here’s Angie…she and her roommate have created a ‘naughty’ site that they want me to look at right away. I suppose it’s some sort of boy band fansite or a collection of poetry, so maybe I’ll check it out later.
Golly I love mail.
Did you get any?
jar
You got invited to an all teen fuckfest? Damn, I never get invited to anything like that. All my mail ever offers me is hotel discounts and the chance to win one of three fabulous prizes. I have to start hanging around with a different circle of friends.
I can boost my sales by 60%!!! Methinks this is a sign that I should have that yard sale I’ve been considering.
And someone wants to know if I want their pussy - hardcore porn without a credit card.
Lest I forget the alumni site - like I could forget my classmates from 1972!!
I coulda got some Viagra, but I accidentally deleted the message. Bummer.
Well, there’s a group of horny teenage lesbian sluts who want my cock. I can’t quite reconcile the “lesbian” with the “want cock,” but hey, if that’s what they go for, more power to 'em. Unfortunately I haven’t the proper equipment to oblige them.
I think someone out there senses my inability to score some pot because I keep getting emails about “legal alternatives to marijuana”.
I keep getting messages that ask if I’d like to enlarge my, er, member, alternating with ones that promise I can increase my breast size to Montgolfier proportions.
With all the gender confusion this has sparked in my tiny little mind, I can’t sleep at night any more.
Fortunately, it diesn’t matter, because I keep winning all these contests that I can never remember entering. I must be the luckiest guy/girl/whatever in the 'Net.