Dolly and Scoutie were my dogs when I was growing up. They were a brother and sister pair of mini Schnauzers, and they could not have been more different. And they both had their fair share of weird eccentricities.
Scoutie was as big as Dolly was small. Actually, at one point, he outweighed her 3 to 1. Dolly weighed 11 pounds, Scout was 33. Scoutie went on a diet after that little “reveal”, but he was still always a big guy compared to his sister.
Dolly was hyper and constantly running around, Scout was lazy and only motivated by food or companionship with his humans. Dolly absolutely abhored the “pool sweep” vacuum, and would chase it tirelessly when she was outside. Rain, sun, snow, she didn’t care. She’d chase that old pool monster, and try to bite at any splashes it made.
Scout was a solid black schnauzer, and if you’ve ever seen a schnauzer, you know that they have these little “beard” that grows under their chin. Scout’s beard and eyebrows went snow white as he got older, giving him a very distinguished look of an old gentleman. Scout decided, after awhile, that he no longer wanted to do his “business” in the backyard. So instead, he’d whimper and pester my stepdad to take him out the front door so he could go in the front yard instead. Apparently the back yard was just not fit to shit in.
Dolly had a fetish for dirty underwear. She just adored them, and would carry them around to lick, lovingly, in full view of anyone, with absolutely no shame. Talk about an embarrassing habit for a dog. She’d dig through the dirty laundry bin to find any underwear that appealed to her. Eventually we had to start locking all the laundry in a closet, but she’d still find some occasionally.
Scout had a love for the one thing that dogs should never eat. Chocolate. Someone once gave me one of those 2lb Whitman Sampler boxes for a Christmas gift. Scout managed to access the kitchen counter, retrieve the chocolates, opened the box, and devoured every last piece (except for the 2 or 3 that were wrapped in foil). You’d think that much chocolate would be enough to kill a 25 lb dog, and it did seem to make him feel sick, but he was okay the next day after a major bout of diarrhea. Probably would have done it again without a second thought. Maybe not one of nature’s smarter dogs.
A couple of years later, my stepdad received a Christmas gift of 50 of those little foil-wrapped chocolate liqueurs, of which he’d eaten just a handful. Remembering the Whitman’s Sampler debacle, Stepdad wisely stowed the liqueurs on a high shelf, in a closed closet, in a room that was inaccessible to the dog (blocked off with a baby gate). How did the dog get in there, find the liqueurs, and eat every last one of them, foil and all? Nobody really knows.
What we DO know is that Scout got really shitfaced drunk. When we got home that night, Scout came to greet us, stumbling and waddling, bleary-eyed. He barked at the wall for a minute, and then belatedly realized that his humans were home, and that he was probably in big trouble. He made a rather pathetic show of tucking his (stub) tail between his legs and looking guilty. Then he passed out cold on the kitchen floor. (thud…snore) It seemed pretty clear that Dolly had helped him knock over the baby gate, but apparently did not partake. Maybe she was just the designated driver.
Believe it or not, he was okay. Gave us a big scare, but he was apparently none the worse for wear. After that, we pretty much had a chocolate ban - no large amounts of Scout’s drug of choice were permitted in the house.