The same sort of guy I saw the other day, the one in the riced-out late-model forest green Chrysler convertible.
Ender_Will, it would be hilarious if you went to a sign company and had them make you a sticker of Uncle Ben.
There is a 2000 Hyundai Accent that parks near me. It started out as a nice little honest economy car. Then, one by one, the accessories began appearing. One week it had tinted windows. Then chrome license plate frames and a big exhaust tip. A few weeks later, 17" white alloy wheels. Next came the spoiler, and yesterday it had clear taillights. I don’t even want to know what’s next. I liked it better stock.
By the way, I drive a Pontiac Parisienne, which is known as a “poor man’s Cadillac” and popular with the bling-bling set. Mine is totally stock though. I happen to LIKE the original equipment whitewalls and 15" wheel covers 
-Andrew L
That’s hilarious. Only problem is, for the parody to be really complete, the car should be slow, too. (The Si is actually a good car.) Make sure you poke a hole in the muffler so you can get that obnoxious sound without actually adding any horsepower.
Yeah, I think cars like that are ugly, too.
But I’m not gonna make fun of people for them. As long as the person driving the car likes it, it’s not really anyone else’s business.
Roadkiller, driver of a 1994 Dodge Intrepid.
…aaaaaand this would probably be a great time to offer up this hilarious link (assuming it hasn’t already been linked in another thread) – only slightly off the subject of the OP. Read it & laugh. The PERFECT way to fix up those “cooler than U” ricers for the drag strip:
How to get your Econobox into the 14’s
Note, there’s a lot of pictures to download as part of that page/thread - very slow for dial-up conn’s - but wait it out, it’s worth it.
Ironically, I found this car (in the “before” pictures that is) to be one of the least unappealing of that breed I’ve seen in recent times. And I would add that looking at the final/end result, I’d be scared sh!tless to drive that thing at speed (wearing a helmet would be the least of my concerns).
Ender_Will, please post some pic’s of your Si fixup job to a web site & send us a link, when you’re done! It would be great to see the -ahem- “completed” car, and I have some generally anti-Ricer friends who’d enjoy seeing it too.
pZott, That was one of the best and funniest articles Ive read in a long time. Now I know what to do the next time I take my Dads Mitsubishi 3000 to the race track.
Don’t think the Rice stops with cars. Oh no, that would be too easy. I swear I saw a pickup that should’ve have a banner on it that says ‘The San Francisco Treat’.
Lets see, he had…
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A lift kit, so the truck was four inches taller than it should’ve been, with huge cavernous wheelwells since he didn’t go for(or couldn’t afford) larger tires.
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rims that stuck waaaay out from the sides of the truck. with street tires(or rubber bands) on them
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A bodypainted tonneau cover over the bed with a huge spoiler on it.
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A vent visor over the back window that seemed to extend halfway down the window. hell, there were vent visors on each window that looked like awnings.
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a scoop over the windshield that made the truck look like it was wearing a baseball cap.
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a nonfunctional, glued/taped on hood scoop that was still the dull black plastic finish that it came in.
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front bull bar(chromed and rusty)
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blue blinking lights behind the front grille, and in the turn signal lights both front and back
9 . strobing rear upper brake light
- and the garnish on this mighty desert of Rice-o-Roni, a license plate that read OBNXIUS
I recently had an interesting experience while hanging out at a friend’s birthday party. In attendance at the party was her younger sister and some of her friends, who fell into two categories - ricers and the girlfriends of ricers. Because of that experience, I now have a better understanding of what the guys with the wings and clear taillights are trying to do.
They’re trying to get laid.
The truly tragic thing is that it works just often enough to keep them adding more chrome and more blacklights and more spoilers. That’s because, and I was horrified to discover this twisted bit of humanity’s dark inner heart, there is a subculture of young women who find guys with decked out cars attractive. The girls know nothing of horsepower, gear ratios, or downforce, they just want to ride around in cars that look “cool”[1]. “Cool” in this case is very different what many others would consider cool, but there’s no accounting for taste. They don’t seem to determine what goes on the car directly, they just instinctively decide that the carbon fiber hood indicates a superior mate, or not, and go from there. That leaves the males with the task of attaching every aftermarket accessory their budget can afford in the hopes that one more tachometer or bright yellow windshield wiper holders will trigger some sort of hormonal response and get them that which they quest after - nookie.
[1] Actually, they had a different word for it, and though I found it very funny that night to refer to everything as “-----”, when I woke up the next day I couldn’t for the life of me rember what that word was. I surmised it translated roughly to the word cool, which is why I’m using “cool” in quotes.
Today I saw a Ford Taurus with a double-decker spoiler.
A Taurus.
Just wait till you guys see what I do with my hail-damaged hunter green 2000 Ford Focus.
First off, fuck spoilers. Spoilers are going the way of the dodo, friends. FINS, baby, all the way. I’m gonna put big-ass fins on the rear fenders and have some nice bright orange flames on the side to contrast nicely with the hunter green.
After the fins, I’m gonna get a new engine. Something with a big fuckin’ blower sticking out of the top of my hood. A blower so big I have to hang my head out the window to see.
Then I’m getting a skirt that’ll only hover about 2 cm from thr road, cuz I’m not happy unless I can hear the scraping of car against pavement everytime I go over a bump or dip.
Then we go to work on the interior, starting with the steering wheel. I think one of those little chain-looking steering wheels will go perfect. Then the fake white tiger fur seat covers. And maybe an 8-ball for my stick shift, a chrome skull would be cool too.
Then, when all the superfluous body work is done, I’m getting the rims. Ooooooh yeah…
It’ll be the coolest hail-damaged 2000 Ford Focus EVER!
buckgully’s on to it - as laughable as it seems to automobile afficiandos, what the ricers do works for the game they’re actually playing. Otherwise, they wouldn’t do it, right?
Back when I was a Senior in high school and it was time to start decorating the cars for graduation I took the shoe polish and across the front made my own banner that said “Chryslerfide”. This was on a 91 New Yorker. Got a few looks from the Honda crowd (and the Nissan crowd, or any other dumbshit trying to make their ricer look cool) but I honestly think they all thought I was just trying to fit in and not rip on them. Oh well, I just figure I’ll have the last laugh when they can’t sell their cars for shit down the road.
Phat?
Dope?
Pimpin?
Rad?
Fly?
Ill?
Tight!!
It`s either Phat or Tight.
We still talking about cars?
No, actually, it wasn’t any of those (I would’ve remembered something like tight). It’s apparently a Japanese word, and according to them, it’s sometimes one of the bigass Japanese characters you see on cars like that.
I keep wanting to say it’s pronounced “shi’hua” or something like that, but I’m probably way far off. I think it’s one of those subculture things that has yet to be wrung for all it’s worth by marketers. Either it will dissappear forever or you’ll be sick of it three days after it gets big, much like “all your base are belong to us”.
Mods,
Please ban roadrunner70 and Who_me? for life for even just mentioning the Vega and the Monza, two of the worst whale turds ever crapped out of Detroit…
Let’s see if I can make tarfu’s head explode by mentioning the AMC Gremlin and Pacer 