Probably the most common eye-rolling phrase heard by Google Answers Researchers is something like “Whaddya mean, you don’t know the exact population of Idaho? You work for Google, don’t you?”
It is flattering that people assume that Google’s contractors have committed the entire contents of Google’s servers to memory, but it is frustrating to be expected to be a human encyclopedia.
But Alec broke a fiery untamable Arabian steed in The Black Stallion!
Precisely.
And it’s even worse if you go on to say that you plan to do most of your work on English (at least in the U.S. it is).
“You’re a children’s nurse? I couldn’t do that; it’d upset me too much, seeing all those sick little kiddies.”
Yep, you got me. I’m a heartless bitch and that’s why I work in Paeds.
Daphers, did you do your first degree at Oxford too. I spent a very pleasant year at Merton in the late 70s before going under the radar. After that far-sighted alumnus donated money to his college that had to be spent on the kitchens (back in the 60s/early 70s as I recall) and they hired the chef from Claridge’s, does Merton still have the best food on town?
Oh, and I was doing Lit. Hum. too! Still have a book of Aristophanes’s play that I need to return to the college library. Hope they are understanding when I finally get round to it.
Could you help a clueless straight guy out and explain this one please?
Which men? Talked how? What days?
“Psst, how do you beat a urine drug test?”
[don’t do the drugs in the first place, moron]
“I didn’t tamper with my urine sample.”
[then why does it smell like bleach?]
“Um, yeah, I’m starting a new job next week, and I need to know how long drugs stay in your body?”
[months, man, months. <evil grin>]
“Yeah, I’m going into the army, and they need to know my blood type. Can you do that for me real fast?”
[sure, just call 1-800-paternity]
“Where the hell are my test results?”
[I’d love to give them to you doc, but yer farging nurses never put the order into the computer to tell me I was supposed to run that test]
“Huh? I didn’t take (that drink, that pill)!”
[then why is your urine showing positive on my drug screen?]
“I swear to God I used a condom”
[then why do I see gram-neg diplococci on your urethral smear?]
“Can’t you just write in the diagnosis code for us?”
[I have no desire to go to jail or pay a fine, thankyouverymuch. Do your own damn job.]
“Hey! You’re the vampire, here to take my blood, ain’tcha?”
[I’ve heard that four times today already. Come up with something more orginal, ok?]
“I need the results on room 14, bed 1. Now.”
[There are eight 'bed 14’s in this hospital. How about something more specific, like maybe the patient’s FREAKING NAME AND MEDICAL RECORD NUMBER?"
“I need the CBC on the broken leg in room 5 right now!”
[OK, sure. What unit are you in… Ah, I see. Ok, what bed number? Ok, thanks, now what room number? … got it, and now the patients name? … thank you so much, and just one last question: the patient’s medical record number. Ah, here we are… you never sent us the sample. So sorry. Bye.]
Vlad/Igor, MT(ASCP)
"I just couldn’t believe that happened. I even checked his feedback! "
“I got an email from you guys asking for my ID and Password. Can you tell me if its real?”
(I actually don’t mind this one. If they ask it usually means they didn’t fall for it.)
I have this conversation at least six times a week.
But my favorite has to be this one:
“I need the panel results on my patient.”
Sure, what’s his name?
“Um, I don’t remember.”
Medical number? Room, bed number? Anything?
“He’s a green medicine patient.”
Oh, swell. That narrows it down to about two dozen possibilities.
dwyr M.T. (ASCP)
Whenever any statement from one man to another is brought up as evidence that he was attracted to him, no matter how overtly passionate it is, the response is invariably, “But that’s just how men TALKED in those days!”
So a dumb question I might post, if I worked for KBB, could be: “What’s my car worth?”
And my answer as a KBB staffer might be: “Sorry, despite the fact that the word ‘value’ appears all over our practically every page of our site, we do not actually intend our quotes to represent ‘value’”?
My question as a poor dumb civilian here is: “What the fcuk DOES a KBB quote represent if not an approximate current market value?”
“But it’s my money!” --When said by someone who has a loan with us. Look, if you were withdrawing from the annuity, we would not have called it a loan. We would have called it a withdrawal. Also, we would not have been sending you billing statements, providing you with a coupon book, or requiring you to choose a repayment period on the application.
“Can you get me the money by tonight?” No. An annuity is a long-term investment, and therefore we do not have mechanisms for immediate receipt of withdrawals. This is a retirement plan–not a bank account.
“But (insert other company here) doesn’t require me to withhold taxes on (insert retirement plan that requires tax withholding here.” If they do that, either you have a different kind of plan with them, or they are breaking IRS regulations. Do you honestly think we care about sending money to the IRS? If it weren’t required, we would be happy to waive it for you. We like making you happy; beats the hell out of making you cranky. We can’t, though, so deal.
“I’m not comfortable giving my (insert DOB/address/part of SSN/phone number).” Okay. You want me to release your personal financial information without verifying any IDing info first? Sure. Got it. Cause no one else in the ENTIRE world could POSSIBLY know your name! How smart you are to try to prevent identity theft by encouraging us to loosen our security measures! And, sure, I can look up your contract by your name; what is it? “John Smith”? Well, there can’t be more than a hundred of THESE in our system. . .
::/frustrated English major wishing her job had the first thing to do with her major::
Slight hijack – my astronomy prof said that, when asked about his profession, he thinks quickly about the amount of time he wants to spend talking to this person. If he’s feeling chatty, he’ll tell them he’s an astronomer; if not, he tells them he’s a physicist, and watches the other person clam up!
For geographers:
“So, you do stuff with maps?”
“So, where’s _____?” (Fill in with person’s favorite obscure location)
The rolleyes catch phrase in my group is (must be spoken with an Indian accent), “Oh, but my program has not been changed in many years.” Sorry then, it must have been my imagination that your program was looping so tight we had to bring down the system to get it out. And I’m sure you had a good reason for updating the same record 17 million times before the system crashed.
Oh, got it now. Thanks.
I’m wincing with the familiarity :eek:
My personal favorite:
“We need documentation for the new X”
“Who is the intended audience for the documentation?”
<blank stare>
“We just need documentation! That’s your job, isn’t it?”
LifeonWry, I understand yours too.
Every time a consignor brings in a load of clothing and says “Don’t worry, it’s all great, clean stuff,” I can be sure that every piece is either a)stained, b)hopelessly outdated (not vintage, but dated), or c)crawling with some sort of vermin. I may not roll my eyes, but I do shudder. Close enough?
I’m shocked that no teachers have posted. We hear…
“Wow, you have the whole summer off” (Um, no. For newer teachers, they need to work a full-time second job just to make ends meet–summers off also means no salary. For experienced teachers, summers mean accumulating the CEU’s that we need to stay licensed.)
“Wow, your day ends at 3:00” (Um, no. The teaching day starts before the kids get to school and lasts long after they leave.)
“Wow, it must be fun playing with kids all day.” (Um, no. Kids who cry, fight, throw up, fall asleep, pee their pants, etc., etc., etc.—and we STILL have to teach them.)
“Wow. I guess you didn’t do too well in college or you would’ve gotten a GOOD job.” (Um, mostly no. It is still sadly true that teaching doesn’t attract the brain trust candidates. But…see above.)
“You teach flying? Wow! Do you have a pilot’s licence?”*
[On gliding] “Oh, hang-gliding. I get it.”
[On gliders] “There’s no engine? What do you do if the wind stops?”
“There’s no engine? Isn’t that dangerous?”
“Aren’t you afraid about flying these days? Like, of being hijacked?”
(Yes. In my small airplane or glider. By an old lady with nail clippers. In a turban.)
Surprised no one’s mentioned the classic question you get whenever you tell someone you’re studying computer science: “So my computer’s not working, can you fix it?”
Also popular: “Is that like programming or something?”