Except of course, now we get, “I hated physics at school”. And “Can you name the next star/planet/galaxy/whatever you find after me?”
There are so many morons that work in my current field it’s hard to pick just one thing. I’m a hydraulic seals salesperson. My customers are generally hydraulic machinsts or mechanics with little to no idea about the types of seals they need to make their machines work. Comforting thought, no?
Customer calls in at 4:35PM as the UPS man is backing up to the door. "I need to get something out today! Do you still have time?’
Me: “Sure, we can manage it, what do you need?”
Customer: “Let me find my ruler.” (this means the customer has no idea what he needs yet and hasn’t even tried to figure that part out)
“I need a hydraulic seal for my cylinder.”
Me: “Ok…”
“Can you have it here tomorrow?”
Me: “I don’t know…what type of seal?”
“It’s black.”
Me: :smack: “Do you have measurements?”
“I don’t have the part here, my customer has it. Can’t you just tell me which seal I need?”
Me: “Sure, I’ll just pick one of the seals we have on the shelf. We only stock about $90,000 in parts at this location. Surely the one I pick, regardless of size, application, or material, will be the one you need.”
“Hey sweetheart, let me talk to one of those men there in the office. I need some help with a part.”
~said to my male coworker who knows exactly jack about hydraulic seals~ “She’s purty good at matching up them seals, ain’t she? I’ve never seen a woman who understands this stuff before.” ~obligatory crotch grab~
English professors get these all the time:
“English? That was my worst subject.” [And? P.E. was my worst. So what? I wouldn’t bother saying this to a P.E. teacher.]
To teachers in general: “Your work must be so rewarding.”
[Yeah. Too bad we can’t spend all those rewards. 
]
To college/university profs:
“It must be nice to get summers off.” [Huh?? Never heard of summer sessions? Or supplemental employment?]
The two big eye-rolls in veterinary medicine.
Potential job applicant/vet tech or veterinary student:
“I want to work here/be a vet tech/veterinarian because I love animals.”
This really needs to go without saying.
From a client or someone you just told what you do for a living.
“Oh, I love animals but I couldn’t handle dealing with sick animals/putting animals to sleep.”
Yep, those of us who work in the field don’t really like animals, we’re just in it for the big bucks. :rolleyes:
Ooh! Can you? 
–Cliffy
“You test printers? Good, because, I’m having a problem with my printer at home…”
Look, jackass. Testing printers (new printers in development where we check for defects in the code before release) and fixing (repairing) printers are two different things! :rolleyes:
A legitimate question. A friend of mine got into linguistics when he tried to learn German and found he had to learn english all over again. :eek:
What? Where do you work that doesn’t pay you over the holidays? Is this just for some category of teachers or all of them in your area?
My favorite, as one in the floodplain management business:
“What? I don’t need flood insurance. Why, I’ve never seen that creek lippin-full!”
Uh, how old are you? It’s not a matter of IF flooding occurs, it’s WHEN.
Or another one I like: “Look here, the City’s got to do something about this creek! I planted beds all along the bank, and this spring they got washed away!”
Here, let me whack you with this clue stick. Don’t plant shiite on the creek bank! It WILL overflow !!
:shakes head:
Many school systems don’t pay over the summer here in the US. I worked in a school that allowed you to choose to have your salary paid out either through the school year or in slightly smaller payments over the entire year. The only difference was timing, the pay was still the same.
::Gives Cliffy The Look::
I’m a cop. One of these days when I walk into a room and someone yells, “I didn’t do it!”, I’m going to run the battery down on my Taser! 
“You’re a librarian? I would love to be able to sit around and read all day. That must be great!”
Yeah, let me show you my schedule for this week and all the stuff I do that’s not sitting around and reading.
Or…
“You need a master’s degree to shelve books?”
Sure, because that and sit around and read is all I ever do. That’s why I was just about stumbling home yesterday after work, barely able to keep my eyes open. Sure.
Harp player.
(I’m not a professional, but it would be exactly the same)
“So you’ve got wings then, love.”
Argh!
I bartend, cook, and waitress at a sports bar/restaurant. Some of my favorites:
“One more, and I’m outta here.” Yep. Heard that 3 times already. In like, the past 45 minutes.
“Do you really have that many wing flavors?” Yeah. Otherwise it’s called false advertising.
“I won’t have to wait long for my food, will I?” Well, that depends on whether or not you want it cooked.
“Why don’t you grab me a beer young lady?” Sure. I’ll make sure I grab the nastiest brand we carry and dump it down your throat so that you’ll be sure to remember to specify what brand you would like next time. This is 2005, there is more than one type of beer. (I don’t direct this towards our regulars, because I know what they drink.)
When I card someone (especially women) who is obviously of age, but has a baby face, just to cover my ass:
“Man are you f’in serious? I’m 33 years old! I can’t believe this!” Give me your friggin’ ID, and take it as the friggin’ compliment it was intended as - you look young!
I’m not hearing a no…
–Cliffy
I’m guessing not a concert harp, in which case ‘Bet you wished you played the flute’ would be the answer. (I know one harpist who routinely answers “no I fucking don’t” to anyone who utters that sentence.)
“I hated Physics in school, I could never remember the equations”.
I must admit though, I sometimes like to ask geographers if they have to buy their own pencil crayons for the map coloring.
But nobody mentioned the best dumb question for famous actors/actresses:
“OK, so, who are you? What were you in?”
Chemical Engineer.
“Agh, you’re one of those people who clone stuff and do nasty things with seeds!” (No, dear, that’s Genetic Engineers, who are Biochemists)
“Oh, cool, so how do I clean off XYZ stain on ABC kind of fabric?” (sigh)
And you just gotta love how every lab on TV or a movie is full of bubbly, multi-colored stuff, and the machinery is either spanking clean or so rusty, it’s actually being held together by the rust itself. I have synthesized one colored substance in 20 years of putzing around the lab. Volumetries are about the only instance where you use colors, and those colored indicators are being replaced by electrodes. Fuchsia and cyan liquids look a lot better than a glass of clear, transparent liquid with a plastic thing in it that looks like a pencil with a wire, of course.
The other day in CSI this guy said something like “ok, so the arcsin indicates 30º” and he actually used some kind of fancy calculator to calculate it. Who the hell talks like that? Everybody I know who works trig regularly would say “That’s 30º” and know that .5 is 30º without any need for a machine.