“You’re a psychologist? What am I thinking now?”
Me: “That you don’t know the difference between a psychic and a psychologist”
“I bet you have me diagnosed already.”
Me: “Yep, you’re a jerk.”
“Oh, good. You can fix me.”
Me: “Not enough money in the world.”
“You’re a psychologist? I had better shut up before I say something you can interpret.”
Me: “Sounds good to me.”
Ok, so I don’t really say that. I want to, though.
Hey, there’s a lot of money to be made in that sort of business. 
Yer KIDDING! Really? I love you and want to bear your children.
(What sex are you? Not that it matters.)
CPS Investigator chiming in:
Me: “Do you use any drugs?”
Client: “No.”
Me: “I’ll need you to take a UA, okay?”
Client: “Okay.”
Me: “You have 24 hours from now.”
Client: “Okay.” The form is then completed, signed, and witnessed, and a copy is given to the person.
Fast forward to two or more days later:
Client: “Hi, um, I just needed to let you know that I couldn’t take my UA because (insert excuse here). I know how it looks, but I swear I’m clean!”
(For the record, if you refuse or delay taking a UA, we consider that it’s dirty.)
The other one that frequently gets the mental eyeroll is when someone says “Why are you investigating me? Why aren’t you taking care of the really bad cases? I see 6-year-olds in my neighborhood out by themselves at 11 at night!”
(and you haven’t reported it because? and you don’t think it’s a problem that your two-year-old was toddling down a street behind an 18-wheeler?)
**Selkie ** and **The Devil’s Grandmother ** beat me to tech writing, but I’ll add my own $0.02.
“All the information you need is in the bug.” :rolleyes: