Pick a comic-book city to live in.

Cafe Society
1

So you wake up one morning to automatic weapons fire, screams of agony, and the buzzing of billions and billions of bees, swarming so thickly as to blacken the sky. Every tv station, radio channel, and web page is transmitting the same message: “All nations will surrender to Fabulous Creature or be destroyed!” so you decide to go back to bed until things calm down, muttering to your SO “I knew we should have assassinated that sick bastard when we had the chance. Why does no one listen to me!?”

But you don’t get to sleep for long, as the usual howler monkeys roust you and all other Dopers out of bed and take you to FC’s headquarters. His Evilitude announces that members of the Straight Dope are too dangerous to be allowed to live under his regime. But, for old times’ sake, he’s foregoing executions in favor of exile. Specifically, using a stolen Burroughs-Carter continua device, he is shipping out Dopers to the comic-book city of their choice, there to live out their meaningless lives while he ravishes this Earth of all its resources. Some smart-alec says, “I don’t believe you! That’s not a portal to another universe! It’s a killing machine!” whereupon FC replies, “No, if I were going to kill you, I’d just shoot you, like this.”

As they drag the bullet-ridden corpse away, you decide to take your chances with the new universe. Where do you go?

2

Gotham is out too. Too dark.

Astro City is a possibility. But they go through a few too many cataclysms just to make a point.

Neopolis and Tranquility are out. A population full of superheroes is just asking for trouble.

Fawcett City would be like living in Utah.

Definitely not New Port City. In the words of Darnell Turner, “That bitch is crazy.”

Places like Coast City, Midway City, Star City, etc are out. I don’t want to live in a generic city protected by some second-rater.

I’ll assume any Marvel city is out because they’re based on real cities.

So I’m going with Metropolis. You got a good city to live in and there’s Superman watching out for you.

3

Opal City. Definitely.

4

What city did Little Annie Fanny live in?

5

The Spirit’s Central City looked fun, in a noir way, full of goofy-looking people and extravagant shadows.

6

As much as I’m disinclined for it- Metropolis would by my choice I guess.
Gotham- there’s just too much crime.
Metropolis- I got nothing to worry about really if I’m myself and on the side of good. Except for the REAL Crazies when they come around…

7

Riverdale :slight_smile:

8

Keep in mind, wherever you choose it could be worse: You could be in Gotham. Unless you chose Gotham, in which case, you’re insane.

I’d choose the never-canonically-named home of the Martian Manhunter.

9

Metroville, home of The Incredibles (they had a comics adaptation of the film, so it counts).

Cool architecture, & the economy looks good.

BTW–Godzilla has had several comics incarnations.

So yeah, there is a worse choice than Gotham. Tokyo. :eek:

10

Neal Gaiman’s Bagdad-in-a-bottle from “Ramadan.”

11

Riverdale… the Marvel Comics version. It’s just north of NYC, nice commute in. Could still do gaming at the Forbidden Planet. Tidily out of the way of X-mishaps, which my RL home is right about in the area of, and in case someone tries to lift Manhattan into the sky, I got no worries.

What, you never read Archie vs the Punisher?

(And yes, Riverdale is that town.)

12

Does Zenn-La have a capital city? Everybody always claimed that the Silver Surfer’s home planet was about as close as one could get to utopia.

13

My first thought was Riverdale, because nothing really bad ever happens there. OTOH, nobody ever seems to get laid there, either. So I’ll go with Silver Age Kandor. So we’re in a bottle. It’s safe, there’s always a way out, and Supes is our protector.

14

I wonder if Central City would really look like Infantino’s drawings.

But I think I’ve read enough comics to not want to live as crossover fodder in a corporate-owned/work-for-hire city. Even Marvel’s NYC is heading toward the brink of destruction. Astro City might be OK.

15

All good:
Astro City
Ivy Town*
Metropolis
Opal City
Riverdale
Springfield (Simpsons)
The City (The Tick)
The City (Transmetropolitan)*
Tokyo (Various manga)*

Not so good:
Gotham
Neo-Tokyo
New York (Marvel Universe)

Are you freakin’ nuts?:
Bludhaven
Springfield (GI Joe)
New Port City

  • OK, some crazy shit happens there, but nothing I wouldn’t just sit back and enjoy the view. Granted, I’d stay well away from Tokyo Tower, Ivy University, and strange tattooed bald men, but other than that…
16

Have they done the Hobbit or LOTR in comic-book format? If so, I’ll choose Rivendell. Failing that, can I choose a small, never named, Gaullish village?

17

Duckburg.

18

What city is the Legion currently in? I want to live there, 31st Century. Or maybe Ylum.

19

Metropolis. Which may be like the pre-ZH version, and cover most of the East coast of the US (and a good chunk of south-eastern Canada, no doubt).

20

or failing that, Tra La La.