“David Mamet: he’s got a feel for the way people talk… and think… and cheat… and love. And he’s got the Pulitzer Prize to prove it…”
Gosh, they don’t make movie trailers like that anymore…
Casper Van Dien is animated enough. He’s just a terrible actor
Oh absolutely. Everyone raved about her in Interview With the Vampire because she was a little girl tackling very adult subject matter, but she wasn’t stellar in that role, she just didn’t corpse it. Compare her “skills” in that role to Anna Paquin’s performance in The Piano and the inability is obvious, and if that doesn’t cork it, check out the horror which is the 1994 remake of Little Women with wooden Dunst, unable-to-convincingly-cry Claire Danes and one-expression Samantha Mathis, all horribly miscast against the sublime Susan Sarandon, Trini Alvarado and Winona Ryder. Even the unknown character actress cast as the family maid showed more convincing emotion than Dunst, Danes or Mathis, actually.
That said, how are we 60-odd posts in without a single mention of the biggest plank of wood to ever wooden his woody, splitery way through three of the highest grossing films in history? People, people, come on! Hayden Christensen!!
Oh yeah, and the Spider-Man movies have been blessed with not one but two of our most cellulose-like performers: Kirsten Dunst and James Franco
I have to respectfully disagree. I watch this show, and it goes on my list for wooden performances. It is something about the lack of inflection in his voice that makes him look like a piece of oak.
Serious acting? I give you my favorite quote from the Titanic.
“Titanic. I never got it.”
That’s great Bill.
As far as Big Love, he is the weakest of a strong cast. The show takes the viewer to jump many hurdles, (such as the fact that “Bill” never seems to be at work), but beyond that his line delivery is flat. Monotone and no inflection.
I am not going to defend my choice any longer. He is my choice. Although the rest of you have brought up a number of great options which I could possibly be convinced to replace Bill. But he’ll never leave my list.
Never! 
It would be a tossup between Charlie McCarthy and Howdy Doody, but one or the other definitely put in the most wooden performance since William Shatner took emoting lessons. 
Much as you’re one of my favorite posters, Samp, you’ve obviously not seen a lot of Melanie Griffith movies. Body Double? Something Wild? A couple of the least wooden performances by anyone, anywhere.
While I’m not gonna go out on a limb to defend Crouse, this preview doesn’t count. Note how “wooden” Joe Mantegna is too. That’s just Mamet.
Yeah, I guess you’re right, re-watching it I too was surprised just how flat everyone seemed. But Mantegna was emoting with his voice, face and body a least a little bit. As you say though, it might all be the Mamet effect, and if so, I wish he’d write more and direct less.
Just the way Crouse moves her head to ‘surreptitiously’ look across the street, instead of keeping her head still and moving her eyes only, like a normal person would do in that situation, has me now convinced that she is an android. 
Yes–and same for Pidgeon in Winslow Boy–though I don’t think anyone can make Jeremy Northam wooden. He is constitutionally resistant to Mametization of this kind.
How about [SIZE=2]Mary Lynn Rajskub (Chloe on 24)?
I imagine the scriptwriters having a macro for “Chloe pouts”.
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Jack didn’t do a romantic comedy, and there are a lot of actors who didn’t. That doesn’t mean he was wooden. Judging him by imagining him in a type of role he never played is an unfair form of assessing his talent. Actors have different abilities, and smart ones know to take roles that they know they can play. Jack was not into comedy or doing love scenes. He wasn’t comfortable with them. There is nothing wrong with that, and it doesn’t mean he’s less talented because of it.
Jack Lord did not make woodeness into some kind of “macho sublime.” If you actually watched him, and paid attention to his facial expressions, tone of voice, and his interactions with the other actors, you would see that he showed range and did not make the same face or speak in the same voice all the time.
As far as the Steve McGarrett character goes, he is a chief of a state police unit, who has to be on the job around the clock, with little time for himself. He’s responsible for protecting millions of people on seven islands, and running his organization. He’s also got a military background, which makes for a very serious person who is not going to be fun and games all the time. He’s going to be serious, suppress his emotions so they don’t get in the way of his work, and no-nonsense. He’s also going be veru grim and tough when dealing with criminals and in crisis situations. All those things Jack did convincingly.
He also showed fear when he or his men were in trouble, concern for them when they had problems, and compassion for victims. He was also hard-headed, stubborn, inert, and impatient in earlier seasons. In later seasons, he was calmer and more patient. He showed fear with the drop of his jaw and his eyes opening wide, sadness with his eyes turning larger. He even shed tears and certain occasions, and smiled as well. That’s a lot, coming from a so-called “wooden actor.” If you have fully-functioning eyes and ears, you’d see all that.
Lee Majors. Even as a kid I could tell he sucked. I’ll give him a little credit. He’s improved with age. He was in a recent episode of Grey’s Anatomy and not half bad.
I realize this is a zombie thread but I didn’t see this post before. Gregory Peck!? Seriously?! He’s not wooden, he’s just subtle.
Pistols at Dawn!
Actually, I work nights, let’s make it Noon.
No, 1 pm would be better as I need my coffee.
And I don’t have a pistol, can I borrow one?
That’s pretty much exactly what it means. An actor with less range than other actors is pretty much by definition less talented as an actor than the others.
Most zombies are pretty wooden.
No, they’re stiff.
Thanks you for this. Not only did it make me laugh but it put into words why I really disliked that show, though I loved every other Gerry Anderson production.
Kyle MacLachlan & Pia Zadora in Ent-Wife: A Love Story. The plot consists of the two staring at each other for 4 hours, which is how long it takes Mr. Ent (MacLachlan) to utter all 3 words of the script (“I love you”). Film critic I.P. Freleigh said MachLachlan is “a wonder to behold, in that no make-up, prosthetics or CGI was used at all to achieve this unflinching, unblinking portrayal.”
The sequel, Ent-Wife 2: Family Tree is a 5 hour movie consisting of one static medium shot where nobody does anything. This film is considered by critics to be Zadora’s finest role; Gene Shalit’s mustache wrote that “it takes full advantage of her natural range.”
I can’t believe this thread has gone on this long without a mention of Julia Roberts. She has one expression: smirk. Pair her with Costner and you have the most boring rom-com of all time.