Ok, have I got a story for you.
Once we went to see the show Esther’s Follies in Austin. (Recommended by a Doper, IIRC.)
We had been drinking a bit, and in a moment of silliness, I volunteered to go up in stage when the comedian asked for volunteers. (Normally I would be a bit too shy.)
On the stage floor were placed various objects. A bowl of water, a towel, a big knife, a head of lettuce, a loaf of bread, a package of bologna…
The comedian was seated in a chair, and I sat next to him.
He proceeded to wash his feet, using soap and the bowl of water. He dried them off with the towel. He then began making a sandwich, asking me whether I wanted mustard or mayo. He used the knife to spread the mustard on the bread, and placed lunchmeat and lettuce on the sandwich. He cut the sandwich in half on a plate. He handed it to me.
But I should say, he *footed * it to me, because he did all this with his feet!!! He made a freakin sandwich with his feet! All the while with a hilarious patter that kept everybody laughing.
My part of the routine, of course, was to take a bite of the sandwich. He then wrapped it up in waxed paper, and placed it in a brown paper bag. With his feet.
If you ever get the chance, go see Esther’s Follies. So many talented performers!
(I gave the sandwich to a homeless guy on the street. He seemed grateful. :))