working in chimp mode: doing a repetitive task on auto-pilot
Drive-in Lobster Theater
Drive-in Lobster Theater: An ambitious business concept that sounds like it could earn millions but is totally unfeasible.
“Did you hear about that IPO proposal? It’s about renting big-ticket toys to wealthy kids for a monthly fee.”
“Oh, man. That’s so ‘Drive-in Lobster Theater.’”
Feeling the silken fountain pen.
Feeling the silken fountain pen: being reamed by unscrupulous lawyers.
Have you heard about Jimmy’s divorce proceedings?
Oh yeah, he’s feeling the silken fountain pen alright.
Walking through the spiderweb.
“working in chimp mode” - taking on a mundane, repetitive task for low pay, because you need the food.
decking the halls with holly
Ooops, Doh!
“Walking through the spiderweb” - a project getting caught up in irritating, inconvenient details
The rocket was tested and ready to launch but we kept running into QA issues, it was like walking through the spiderweb.
decking the halls with holly
Doing something cosmetically pleasing but potentially quite harmful.
“Did you see those guys with the body paint for the football game?”
“Yeah, but it’s gonna be -5° today, that’s decking the halls with holly, man.”
Stealing auntie’s lunch.
Doing something illegal to someone because you know they can’t do anything about it.
“Yesh, my boss is stealing auntie’s lunch by making me work overtime with no overtime pay. But if I complain, I’ll lose my job.”
Acting like an OJ
Letting your emotions get away from you, causing you to do something utterly stupid.
Priming the spackle
Priming the spackle: heating up massage oil in the microwave in preparation for sexy times.
yellow snow slurpee
Doing something people find gross because you think your friends will find it funny but in reality… well, that’s not the case.
“Did you see Lars eat that yellow snow slurpee yesterday?”
“Yeah, I can’t believe he chugged a whole gallon of ketchup!”
“What a loser!”
Miming a dead badger
Miming a dead badger: lying quietly under the covers when your husband comes to bed, pretending to be both dead asleep and physically untouchable, so he won’t try to have sex with you.
Monster mash
Pretending to work by rearranging things into a pattern unrelated to their purpose.
The phrase originated with the time-honored tradition of sculpting monster faces out of mashed potatoes one does not wish to eat, and was perpetuated by later association with the wageslaves’ zombie-like shuffling around the office.
“I guess he’s sorting that spreadsheet by text color to make it more readable…”
“Nah, he’s just monster mashing.”
Painting the cobbles
Painting the cobbles: Doing something extremely time-consuming even though no one will notice it.
“These big catering jobs suck. The boss had me put exactly three dots of gold on each of those 800 chocolates. Now that’s painting the cobbles!”
Primping the wombat.
Primping the wombat: getting all dressed up, then staying home.
“John called to cancel our date just as I was getting ready to leave the house. Bastard left me primping the wombat again!”
Humpty Dumpty fart
One of those gaseous moments that you think will just be brief and business as usual, but by the time it is finished the proverbial dam has been broken and an exit to the restroom is needed, post haste.
Fuzzy pickles
Fuzzy pickles: nonstandard name for boys beginning to display secondary sex characteristics.
Romancing the stone
Hey, “Romancing the stone” is already a slang phrase! But I’ll come up with a new one…
Romancing the stone: Doing everything you can to win over someone, but being doomed to failure from the outset.
“I laughed at all of my boss’s jokes, always picked up the tab at lunch, worked overtime whenever he asked, but I STILL didn’t get that raise. Asshole. I was romancing the stone all along.”
Parsing the lemon.
For use when ‘peeling the onion’ doesn’t apply due to the object being considered having only a single sour/painful layer.
Chasing your elbow
Going to a lot of effort when you really don’t need to.
“I thought Judy would never go out with me, and I worried about it and lost sleep and struggled to find just the right way to ask, but she said yes right away! Guess I was really chasing my elbow.”
Betting on the Yankees.
“Betting on the Yankees” it may be the best bet to put where all the money is, but feeling dirty about it even if you win.
Yeah, I voted for Bubya in 2004, but it was like betting on the Yankees.
Waltzing Matilda