Illegitimate
Self-service Open Heart Surgery - A new reality show LIVE - Tonight on Discovery Health
American Idol Disease Special
Contestants give it their all just like always but this set of people wasn’t chosen randomly. They have all taken a blood test and getting culled from the show also means that they are HIV positive. One lucky person makes it off with the adoration of fans everywhere and his immune system intact.
Blind Date: Social Indigestion Ed.
People with clashing eating disorders, lifestyles/diets and medical conditions are paired up on blind dates and often sent to restaurants that are particularly problematic for them. Ex: binge eaters paired with bulimics and anorexics; Crohn’s patients (allergic to wheat gluten) and Atkins/Zone dieters paired with militant vegans; peanut- and shellfish-allergy sufferers sent to Thai restaurants, etc.
The pilot episode would feature a pairing of a peanut-allergic man and a shellfish-allergic woman who send each other into anaphylactic shock when they kiss each other goodnight. Their date is extended for several hours as both are treated at the nearest hospital ER.
And wouldn’t you know it- it’s Sanjaya!
ENT Gripping stories of a dedicated but overworked staff at a big-city Ear, Nose and Throat clinic struggling to cope with the daily crush of strep throats, deviated septums, impacted earwax and occasional heart-warming moments of clearing cheerios from a four-year old’s nose.
Explicit XXX Celebrity Sex: For Kids!
Hardcore sex action with celebrities, laced with plenty of safe sex pointers.
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Jizz Man – a safe-sex superhero, who jacks off and has super-sticky, super-stretchy, super-strong spooge.
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Survivor: Chechnya – it’s time for Survivor to GET REAL!
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If I Did It: the TV series – no explanation needed.
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The Buggery Club – three male friends who were all raped by Catholic priests as children share an apartment and a sexy female psychotherapist. Hijinks ensue.
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NAMBLA Cadabra – advice to pedophiles on how to hide evidence of their crimes.
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Karl Rove’s def Comedy Jam.
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You Ain’t Shiite! – I’m sure I’m stealing this title from someone but I don’t know who.
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Ren and Stallone – a new cartoon.
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Limbo With Limbaugh – a dance program sprinkled with conservative commentary.
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Hotter and Coulter – not really sure what this would be about, but I like the name. Maybe every week a bunch of hotties… um… stand around looking better than Anne?
Dick, or No Dick? - Howie Mandel hosted game show where homophobic men try to pick their next hot date from a mixed gendered group of beauties.
Monty Python Quotes - Follows a group of 20 somethings thru their everday activities during each week, highlighting how often and how well they are able to intergrate their favorite MPFS quotes into their work and leisure conversatioins.
How Much For the Little Girl? - Game show. Precocious preadolescents compete for top dollar from Russian photographers for “modeling” gigs.
Drunken Family Feud! - Richard Dawson hosted game show. Same as before, but with lots of alcohol, meth, and general disfunction.
The A Team, The Next Generation - Four Iraq War vets, framed for a crime they didn’t commit, help the innocent while on the run from both their own military and radical terrorists. Filmed on site throughout the Middle East.
24 - Grass, Crack, Blow, Weed - A real time 24/7 showstopper for the hardcore gardening crowd. Filmed in my backyard and featuring the lawn growing, concrete edges succumbing to stress, the wind moving leaves around and unwanted plants taking root.
Bowl of Doom: Hungry pound critters are brought in to eat bowls of chow, one of which has secretly been laced with ipecac. Contestants are selected from the studio audience to bet on which pet will barf first! Harmless, fun and topical too.
Dangerous Pursuits: Untrained, poorly equipped amateurs attempt high-risk hobbies and sports (mountain-climbing, sky-diving, drag-racing etc.). First one to make it through the episode wins Mountain O’ Prizes, or can elect to defend his/her crown the following week for a bigger payout. One celebrity contestant joins the fun in every episode (Week One: Rosie O’Donnell dons deep-sea diving gear to reach previously unexplored portions of the wreck of the Andrea Doria).
We already have this one. It’s called C-SPAN.
Who Wants To Be A Mob Informant? 6 Mob bosses and 6 undercover Feds compete Survivor-style for cash and prizes.
Heads Or Not Heads. Comedian Carrot-top cracks wise with contestants from the studio audience as they wager cash on the flip of a coin.
The Penultimate Fighter - ordinary game show contesants pitted against one another in no-holds-barred cage fighting action.
Survivor: Lord of the Flies - Survivor for kids, with no adult supervision.
Who Wants to Marry a Televsion Executive? - pitchman’s desparate attempt to kill two birds with one stone by coming up with a hit show and simultaneously ending his long, lonely dry spell.
Memento: the Series - begins with poignant and tearful finale episode, works its way back to series premiere.
The Straight Dope Show: The Master (or, if he’s not available, Ed Zotti) hosts a talk show dedicated to in-depth discussion of things not one person in a million cares a rat’s ass about.
Each show would last for hours, and there’d have to be a 30-minute “Nitpick Session” while the Teeming Millions discuss whether there should be a dash in “in-depth” or not and why.
Oooh, I got one:
Survivor: Detroit
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20 people get dropped off in downtown Detroit at night with only the most basic of supplies.
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The first one to get to 8-Mile Road gets $1,000,000
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Only walking is allowed
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That’s it.
Homeland Insecurity: A Mad Show-style comedy troupe attempts to infiltrate a different top-security installation each week, using clever ploys and disguises.
Cadaver Dog: Heartwarming episodes in which Ollie the chocolate Labrador closes cold cases by unearthing decomposing bodies. Episode #1: Timmy’s In The Well.
The Write Stuff: Sexy plagiarist (played by Jessica Alba) bounces between newsrooms and publishing houses stealing and faking award-winning stories, vanishing just before exposure and surfacing in a new city.
Civil War: Best Two out of Three= Civil War reenactors fight classic Civil War battles over again in period clothing, period rifles… and live ammo. Let’s see who wins this time!
The best part: They don’t know it’s live ammo.
GENEALOGY: the SERIES- numerous elderly ladies are allowed to pour over microfilm tax and census records, newspapers, and all manner of other genealogical materials for days and weeks, at the end of which they are asked “What’d you find out that’s interesting?” as a camera with unlimited film rolls. Which will come first: the end of the story of how her father’s father’s mother’s brother’s stepson’s uncle sold Jefferson Davis’s brother the horse his first wife rode to the wedding, or the stroke? (The video playing of this series was ruled unlawful for use in interrogation of U.S. military detainees.)
I’d watch any show proposed in this thread if it had Jessica Alba in it. 