Christmas is the biggest example but by far not the only one. So here I am sputtering along waiting to die and have the suckfest which is life end. Well, can’t I be left alone for a day or two? Is it not possible to watch TV or listen to the radio for one goddamn day without being reminded that some holiday is coming up? Christmas is less than 30 days away and the damn stores are packed with idiots out buying useless crap which the person they give it to will forget about in 3 days.
Is that enough? No, not nearly, not even close. Soon it will be Valentine’s day. A great, please, stick the red-hot poker up my ass instead. This day always ends in disaster. Oh, I’m sorry, I got you a gift but no flowers, well fuck! What, the spree of holiday’s has not ended? What the fuck do you mean about having to buy people more gifts for Easter? Have I not given them enough useless shit already? Goddamn, Mother’s day? Well, Moms been real nice so I figure she deserves a day. Father’s day too? Well, fuck that alcoholic bastard. I hope he dies and rots in hell!
Let it end, let there be some end in sight. The 4th of July passes will relatively little pressure to buy anyone anything but then WHAM, Halloween! Yes yes, I know, if the kids don’t have some ultra deluxe stupid shit costume their parents will look like shit. The Christians get pissed off about everyone worshiping Satan and demons while the parent groups get pissed off about the beer advertisements.
Oh dear deity, there is some day coming up having to do with Turkeys but that means the cycle is about to repeat. Can’t every holiday be like Arbor Day? Nothing special, just go plant a fucking tree. Stop buying useless shit no one will use and go plant a fucking tree. Every holiday, go plant a goddamn tree. If Jesus were here, he would probably say the same thing, “go plant some trees you sad bastards!”
Oh shit, it’s your goddamn birthday too. Well hell, let me go get my $3.50 I have left out the bank and buy you some garbage. What’s that? Diamonds are forever and show the person that you love them? Well, if someone equates diamonds to love, I hope a monkey ass rapes them.
I’m proud I drive an SUV. While everyone is rambling on about saving the planet, I am doing everything I can to drive this motherfucker into the ground. The sooner it happens, the sooner the human race will stop producing things like an automatic cheese grater. It’s a goddamn automatic cheese grater. Are you too goddamn lazy to grate your own cheese? I guess people are going to expect this shit for Christmas. Well, they can go fuck themselves. Go grate your own cheese you lazy bastards!
