I’ve been delivering pizzas in the evening as a third job for about six months now, in order to help along my process of saving for the enormous television that I absolutely need.
I can’t recall anything super-strange. But there are are the odd regular customers as a fallback:
The guy who gets ansty and sends you back with a complaint if you are early with his order. (Yes, early, not late).
Angry/crazy woman and her kids. Their most common problem is they frequently lock themselves in the house and lose their keys. Causing the delivery driver to wait (often upwards of 20 minutes - if they don’t give up and leave) while the mother searches accompanied by loud and frenzied swearing. The kids meanwhile chatter constantly at you through the flyscreen windows. They are not too bright and I think possibly mentally handicapped. They repeat the same few obvious questions over and over until their mother finds the keys. Are you from (Pizza Place)? Are you going back to (Pizza Place) afer this? Is that your car? Do you have our pizza? (Answers: Yes, yes, yes and yes.)
My favourite regulars are a Pakistani couple who always insist that I ‘come and play Playstaion!’ with them for ‘just a while’ when I arrive with their pizzas. They always ask that their driver bring lots of the current coupons with the delivery but they never use coupons on their orders. Or come into the shop to use them on a carryout order. But they must have the coupons.(Seriously, guys: What the hell are you doing with those things?)
And the ubiquitous naked customer. I think every delivery area has at least one regular nude-at-the-door delivery customer. Mine is very friendly, totally carefree. He couldn’t care less about the whole thing. Just as casual with the male drivers, too. (I’m female).
There was a guy last night, who, clearly drunk, answered the door holding a video camera and filmed the whole exchange.
Him: Piiiiiizzaaaaa. Piiiiizzaaaa. (Slow, droning)
Me: Hi. You’re (name on order)?
Him: Dude, you’re in my film now!
Me: Great. You’re (name)?
Him: Oooooh, ummmm, is that my pizza?
Me: I’m guessing yes. (I begin handing over boxes).
Him: Piiiiizzzzaaaa. Hey, say something cool for my film.
Me: Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time. (Hey, I couldn’t think of anything, plus the word ‘wasted’ came to me watching him trip over himself trying to hold the camera and the pizza and maintain balance).
Me: That’ll be $21.90 (or whatever).
Him: Hey! What happens if I don’t pay you?
Me: We won’t deliver here ever again.
Him: How much?
<he pays, I walk away>
Him: Hey! Where’s my drink?
Me: You didn’t order a drink, sir.
Him: (yelling to someone behind him) Damn, she caught me! She’s good, Daniel, she’s good!
Annoyingly, I can’t recall any really good stories right now, I’ll try and remember and post later. I know there are some.