DocCathode, I’m sure you’ve been told before you are a funny funny man. Your post on clown sex - you know what I’m talking about - brought tears to my eyes.
Anyway, thanks for the definition. Never seen Fiddler on the Roof, I’m afraid.
I think in the Victorian era it was more comfortable for men to hug and show genuine affection, was it not? Women were not really considered suitable companions for serious conversation anyway, so lots of men spent lots of time in the exclusive company of other men. I think.
Walloon I did not mean to say that Magiver does not love his father, nor that his father did not love him. A man who does not love another person, would naturally not express love. My confusion comes from the fact that your fathers did love you, but did not express though hugs etc. Obviously your father loved you. What reason did he have for not hugging? Clearly you were important to him. I honestly cannot understand this. I’m not trying to imply that my view is better, or anything else. I really cannot understand this.
:dubious: Many men never hug their sons. Ever. And they are proud of them, and love them, but still don’t hug.
Some men will hug as children but once they reach adulthood no more. Many of my cousins are like this with their fathers.
I believe it does in the instance of my husband and his best friend R. My husband would lend R money, couch space, anything that was needed for as long as it was needed but I can’t see R asking. I love how much R loves my husband. When he started his own business and bought a beautiful truck, R’s first question was " Are you happy?" I love R for this.
Are men aware of it?
They are aware of their love, esteem and respect of each other.
How does it manifest?
They will say “I love you to death, but…” At times, they grunt hello to each other on the phone and other times they talk on the phone like teenage girls, for hours, over nothing, giggling madly. I tease my husband constantly about this. “Your lover’s on the phone” They have an almost standing Sunday lunch, which I call their ‘brunch date’.
Do you always keep it hidden?
Not always, not to each other but I know they don’t advertise.
If you keep it hidden, have you ever regretted not showing it?
N/A as far as I can see.
If you don’t keep it hidden have you ever regretted showing it? And I’m not talking about a drunken “I love you man”.
N/A
If you show it, how do you show it? Gestures? Actions? Words?
See above, although I don’t think they hug much.
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I didn’t take it as such and wouldn’t bother me if that’s how you feel. A few of my friends fell into the hugging category and I can honestly say there was more love and affection between my father and I than any of them.
It’s a cultural affectation that doesn’t require a lot of analysis. I held my father’s hand when I was young and grew out of it. There are cultures where boys do this into their teen years among themselves. Definitely not part of my sphere of reality. Why do some people wail at funerals like their arm was ripped off and some don’t? The pain is still there, its just expressed differently.
I would also add that hugging is not the only tactile act of bonding. While I do occasionally hug my nephews I’m more apt to touch their back and shoulders and tussle their hair. Its a non-verbal way I use to communicate many things.