Hi. I have been pondering the ways in which love and devotion are expressed through actions in marriage/long term relationships, apart from sex (which isnt always a good indication of love in a relationship). What little or big things do you do or does your partner do for you that affirm to you that there is genuine love between you, and not other less enduring motivating factors for being together?
My grandmother, at the end of her life now, with time slipping away has been fondly expressing how wonderful her life with my grandfather was. She talks of how great the love was between them. But she also tells me, he was never a man to buy gifts or cards or flowers. He was not a verbally expressive man. He was not really physically expressive either. Definitely not a romantic guy. I remember him as being a very strong and solid presence in my life, but not as someone I knew closely or intimately. They seemed to have had mutual goals and were able to create a life that was balanced for both of them. I know they had times when they didnt speak at all so its not about an “ideal” relationship. But I guess I am questioning these things as I look at my own life and marraige, and ponder some of my disappointments and expectations. And I am wondering if just the fact of staying with someone for 64 yrs is the basis of the powerful love my grandmother waxes poetic over in her final days of this life. So, all you peeps out there who are in committed, cohabitating relationships (*not necessarily legal marraige these days), if you care to share the ways you demonstrate you love to your SO I would deeply appreciate the broadening of my perspective. Thanks
I think it’s all about being attentive. If you are in love, it just comes naturally. You strive to make your mate happy. You listen, even when they are not talking.
My wife and I have been married for 6 years in May. We’ve both seen far too many other people in just awful marriages and relationships, and we made it our mission early on not to be like those people. We don’t fight, because there are other ways to express yourself without resorting to shouting and saying hurtful things. Above everything, we consider ourselves to be friends.
We are polite to each other. We are always saying “thank you” for something - making supper, cleaning up the house, mowing the lawn, you name it. We initially got together because of all the things we had in common, but we are very different people and have different hobbies that don’t overlap. She’s in the living room working on hers, I’m here in my computer/music room working on mine. We each stop frequently to visit the other and get hugs and kisses and to say “I love you” (because we mean it). I do things for her that I know she’ll like, she does the same for me.
We never have to wonder if the other one really loves us, because we’re still here with each other. I think she loves me an extra measure because I’m not the kind of guy who does things that are going to get me in trouble, or embarrass her. I’m not a whiner, I don’t hang out in the living room in my undies watching TV and getting drunk. I have all kinds of faults, but they’re not so severe that I know it would make her wonder what she’s staying with me for. I think we both try to be the kind of spouse that is worth staying married to.
After all, I left my country and everyone I know behind to come here and be her husband. She’d better be worth it! (She is.)
I have been married to the same woman for 26 years, and have had a standing order of fresh flowers delivered to her each week since the week after the wedding. Among other things…
A great read on how a woman can show a man that she loves him is, “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”. Showing a man he is appreciated, giving affection and approval for all that he does for the family will get you a man that would walk barefooted over burning embers to bring her a glass of water.
In general, showing respect and always being considerate of what effect your words and actions might have on him/her. Not thinking of yourself all the time. Putting yourself in their shoes.
I personally do not think it is the giving of roses on Valentines or always dining by candlelight. Hugs and kisses everyday, listening to them, maybe running her a hot bath, lighting a candle, and bringing her a glass of wine when she comes home from work and has had a particularly difficult day. Running an errand for her without being asked. Doing things without having to be asked. You know, stuff like that.
This is kind of the opposite of what you asked, but;
MrPict (for the past 28 years) does the what I think is the nicest thing for me when I’m feeling down. He washes my hair. It’s just an unbelivably touching thing.
40 years married here. I think making sure that my wife’s desires and needs are taken care of as well as mine are. Listening to her is important. Also, cutting her some slack when she is down…just as she does for me. Letting her have her own interests outside of mine. Taking care of her when she needs it, which isn’t often.
Then, ever once in a while, do something outrageously unexpected and obviously romantic…or cooking without being asked…or always desiring her (even if I don’t
)…making her laugh. Going on walks together, and movies, and friends houses without doing my all-too-natural symbolic griping.
Remembering to tell her I love her…especially at unexpected times.
Thunking her lightly on the leg while I’m driving…and giving her a glance.
I guess I don’t have any great ideas. I just keep trying to make personal connections.
I show my love for my husband by encouraging him to do the things that make him happy. He knows best what makes him happy and what he wants to do with his time. Neither of us minds solitude. So we just give each other a lot of time and space. Yet we still enjoy our time together and make great travelling buddies.
Besides being VERY attentive to her sexual needs… I show my baby love by encouraging her in everything she takes on. My sweetie likes poker, and she has a REAL talent at it, but she has a confidence problem. I do my best to puff her up, to convince her that she is better than all those other players.
In general, I accept and encourage ANYTHING that she wants to do, because I KNOW she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to. She has skills she doesn’t even realize.
Well I’m a Harley rider that works in a bakery. So I give MY girl Hogs and quiches to show her my affection.
stole that joke from somewhere; can’t remember where though…
Thanks
where did that H sneek in on the title line? soz. 
I show my baby love by encouraging her in everything she takes on. My sweetie likes poker, and she has a REAL talent at it, but she has a confidence problem. I do my best to puff her up, to convince her that she is better than all those other players.