I am lucky enough to have recently married the man of my dreams. We’ve been together for ~3 years now and have part-time custody of his young son.
This is our first year of marriage but my second year of living with them. Everything is going great but I’m afraid we’re starting to settle into a “boring” phase… you know… where he walks around without his pants on and I leave my retainers sitting out in the bathroom.
He works all day, and I work part-time from the house. I run by his office all the time and I often stop and bring him cookies, etc.
I want to know more little romantic things I can do to keep our relationship surprising and new, and for him to feel super-loved on a regular basis.
Can the long-married (or even creative singles!) offer some of their best ideas for cute romantic gestures? What do you do to make your partner feel special?
IMHO, becoming comfortable with each other and not hiding your farts is not the same as losing romance. Out-of-my-ass-estimate: less than 5% should be romantic gestures and such. The other 90% is just showing each other that you care, not bitching if they need a ride because they totaled their car, taking the time to be intimate, both sexually and in other ways involving fewer fluids.
But also, is romance becoming a problem, or are you just being proactive before any problems start? Because, again, things like leaving the retainer out just means that things are more realistic instead of hiding flaws.
If you want him to do (or not do) something ask him. Don’t hint around the subject. Don’t sulk as if he should already know what you want. Just straight up ask.
Say thank you when he does it and mean it.
you’ve already got all the blow job advice you’ll ever need.
I think the little things are just personal, not something you can really generalise. It’s when you know the other person has thought of you, made a small effort for you. My SO got me sweets today, to help me write my paper. I like to make him surprises, like rosemary & sea salt crackers, which he adores.
One thing I really love, is telling each other how you were bragging about the other person. I might say to him how I was bragging on the SDMB about how impressed I am with the research paper he is writing right now.* He tells me how he brags to his colleagues about stuff I do. They all think I am superwoman. It makes you feel valued.
*It’s really cool, and interesting and has his name right at the top! It’s about how children learn, and it’s totally going to change the world. I am ridiculously proud of him. He is awesome sauce. And sexy too.
I don’t see what’s wrong with blowjobs and cookies.
It’s not a phase. It’s called living with someone in a long-term relationship.
That said, it doesn’t mean you can’t have romance in your relationship. Have you guys gone on dates? Dates are fun. You can dress up a little, go out to eat somewhere nice or see a movie, come home and make sweet love. Do you cuddle? Cuddling is also nice. How often do you guys kiss? Sr. Olives and I got into a habit of hugging each other a lot such as when he would come home from work, but we didn’t kiss on the mouth much. We started making a habit of kissing again and it really cranked up the heat. I mean, how long has it been since you’ve made out with him, just for the sake of making out?
I’ve been with my guy for eleven years, married almost seven. I was just thinking we could use a little more romance - we’ve had very little time together lately due to his schooling. I remember a long time ago I got the advice to ‘‘show up naked and bring food.’’ So, one time, back in college, I showed up at his dorm with nothing but a robe and a bag of buffalo wings. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy.
I’m gonna piggyback off of all of the blowjob talk with this bit of advice…
Now, I am not assuming that you’re doing this now, but seriously, it needs to said: no matter what happens, don’t ever get into the habit of withholding sex from your husband.
You want your man to feel loved and appreciated? Then have sex with him frequently. Pulling numbers out of my ass, I’d say that 99.999999% of guys feel the most cherished and desired when their women are having sex with them.
I’ll take it back to the BJ thing. If ya’ don’t like giving BJs then don’t give them. I’ve had BJs from ladies who genuinely like them and some that don’t particularly like them. I can always tell and it makes me want to crawl out of my skin when she’s just doing it as a 'favor".
BJs aren’t that important to me. I just want both parties to have fun. (I guess all this translates to regular ol’ sex as well.)
Since the blowjobs have been well-covered, I’ll offer something different - don’t be afraid to tell him what you’d like for him to make you feel special, and don’t be afraid to ask him what he’d like, either. I know everyone always talks about communication being so incredibly important in long-term relationships, but that’s because it is. Talk to each other; make it a daily ritual, that you sit down and re-connect with each other and stay in touch with what’s going on with each other.
Tell him when he did something good; tell him when he did something you liked; tell him when he impressed you or made you proud of him.
Get a copy of “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, figure out what his language is (besides Blowjobese) and speak it to him often. (The 5 languages are acts of service, gifts, touch, words of affirmation and quality time.) MrPanda is all about QT, he’s happy if we just hang out and misses me if I’m working a lot of overtime. My language is acts of service – I feel most loved if someone DOES something for me, even if it’s something little. For example, MrPanda usually starts the car for me in the mornings so it’ll be nice and warm when I leave for work. Stuff like that.
FWIW, what you’re going through is normal. Not a phase, just like olives said. “Falling in love” gets us to the altar. Commitment is what makes us stay after the warm squishy feelings die down a bit.
