Play Dates, What are they?

Given my past work with kids, I have occasionally picked up and leafed through parenting magazines, usually hoping for a lead on new children’s books. However, I have read just enough of them to come across the term “play dates” but not to really understand them.

What are they? I assume it’s a scheduled time period for kids to socialize, but…do parents invite the kids over and let them do their own thing, or do they schedule activities like art projects? Do kids usually have play dates with several different kids, or just one? Are they random strangers, or the children of their parents’ friends? What if the kids don’t like each other, do the play dates continue, or is a new playmate set up? Is this something that just upper-class people do, or is it universal?

And why are there such a thing? I don’t know anyone young enough to have ever had a play date. Everyone I’ve talked about their childhood made their own friends, or didn’t, without their parents influences. Are there just less kids around than there were 10, 15 or 20 years ago, or are parents trying to be more controlling of their kids social contacts? (I suppose the answer could be both, actually) Or is it merely an issue of safety, and the ability of parents to closely watch their children at play if they know exactly when their kids will be with which kid, and what sort of conflicts to expect because they’re used to seeing their child interact with the same kid? Like if you know little Johnny tends to kick the other toddlers, you watch out more for that behavior during his visit. Besides socialization, what other benefits do kids or parents get from play dates?

I think that the play date arose because children no longer are at home for extended periods during the day, and thus don’t have the opportunity to play with neighborhood children in a casual setting. Instead, kids are in daycare and school most of the time, and if parents want the kids to have a chance to play with others, they arrange times to meet with them, usually at the home of one or the other, and sometimes on an excursion to a park or other entertainment venue. Play dates can either be individual or group.

My children have had play dates with children of friends and with children they met at school or daycare. I don’t think it is as much a fuction of economic status as it is of the time constraints of two-career or single-parent families.

For us, play dates are anything that requires planning…

Like my 5 yr old has classmates that live nearby, but not walking distance, so I call the other moms, and one of us drives one of them to the other one’s house, and then they play with supervision, till its time to go home ( a pre arranged time). It works great! Much better than tossing them in the yard and saying “go play”.

My 10 year old calls his own friends to arrange meetings, and can go farther on his own without supervision - we dont call his stuff ‘play dates’.