Wayne’s World According to Garp -
Dana Carvey and Mike Myers teach a New England granite mining town the real meaning of “rock” after a midget’s moving sacrifice converts them to Christianity.
Throw Big Momma from the Money Trainspotting -
Danny DeVito and Billy Crystal agree to help Renton (Ewan MacGregor) kick his heroin habit, and all he has to do is help Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson with one last score… but Big Momma (Martin Lawrence) has got other plans!
Dude! Where’s my Carmen? -
Don Jesse (Ashton Kutcher) and Don Chester Zuniga (Sean William Scott) are a sergeant and a lieutenant from Navarre. After a wild night on the town, they’re left trying to remember which of them helped the beautiful Carmen escape prison, and which of them wants to torture her to reveal the details of the revolution. Can Carmen (Jennifer Garner) evade capture by the Nerds and the girls in leather catsuits? Can she stay true to her revolutionary ideals and convince Don Jesse and Don Chester to give her the Continuum Transfunctioner, or will she eventually die like a bull, stabbed to death in front of the crowd? Not even Bizet can see the wacky twists this comic tale takes!
The Usual Hobbits Lt. Gandalf is left trying to figure things out in the aftermath of a huge explosion that destroys much of Mordor. A single hobbit is left standing to tell the tale. He calls himself “Smeagol” but is that his real name? And who is the mysterious and never-seen figure of “Sauron” who everyone fears so much? Has the One Ring really been destroyed?
Or try this version:
The Usual Commandments Lt. Ramses is left trying to figure things out in the aftermath of the disappearance of all the Jews in Egypt. Apparently, they all left via a mysterious parting in the Red Sea. But how? Why? The only Jew left is the cripple, Moses. And oh, man, does Moses have a story to tell! But just who is this mysterious and all-powerful “Yahweh” who seems to be directing all the events?
Priscilla, Queen of the Damned- three garishly attired cross dressing 5,000 year old members of the undead travel cross country in a sequined bus to kill Lestat for revealing their secrets in his music. Highlight is when they feed on a tribe of aborigones while the soundtrack blares disco standards. (Actually, that’s not that far off from Rice’s novel.)
Exit to East of Eden- two maternally abandoned sons must vie for their father’s affections on an island where people enact their sexual fantasies with James Dean clones.
Change of Hobbit- Mary Tyler Moore is a nun who must choose between a life devoted to God and the rock-singing short hairy footed doctor who, through a spell cast by Gandalf, is automatically accompanied by unseen backup musicians whenever he starts playing his guitar.