Hey look! The SDMB logo is back! So that must mean the Boards are allll better. So I guess it’s time for a MMP. Since it is Moday and all. OK, here goes the first MMP on the New Board!
Harken my children.
If you find yourself in possession of an ancient map or a scroll or tablet of directions to the Cave of Wonders or the Grotto of Mysteries or even the Burrow of Grace and Light and you follow your map or scroll or tablet to whatever wonder is marked with the big X and before you is a Great Army or an Impenetrable Fortress or so much as a Legion of Undead, you still might be able to gather your treasure with an appropriate measure of stealth and guile.
BUT…
If that self-same treasure is guarded by just this guy, and not even an unusually large or well-armed guy, then give it up and go home and become a farmer or an innkeeper or some such and never look back. It will become a tale to tell your children and their children after them. There is no hope of success.
Unless you have a partner…
Now me, myself, I’m not big on partners per se. I figure the easiest way to divvy up the swag is to put it all in a big poke (the bigger the better) and leave with it. Sometimes you can even divvy it up this way if, technically, dividing by one isn’t necessarily the way everyone thinks it should be divided. If you’re fast. But sometimes needs must drive and you do what ya gotta do. Even if that means a smaller cut in the end, because a smaller cut of a big cake is much nicer than the whole glot of nuthin’.
When you go looking for a partner for yourself, there’s some thinkin’ you should do first. Make sure your strengths compliment each other. One of you should be the muscle and the other should be the brains. One should be handy with big sharp choppy things while the other should know his way around a thought bigger than “me go chop now”. By preference you want to be the smart one of the outfit. I mean after you spent all the time on the job being all muscley and choppy, you wouldn’t want to find out the other guy was being all sneaky and thinky and you wind up in the lurch with nothing to show for your efforts but a lot of pointy things pointing at your things and the faint clink clink sound of gold getting fainter by the second. You would, given the option, want to be the one with the clinky gold fast footing away from the pointy unpleasantness.
Now that we’ve worked out where in the organization you optimally want to be, lets look at the other end of the partnership. Strong and handy with cutlery. But not stupid, you don’t want stupid. Trusting? Yes. Honest? Of course. Stupid? That’s just asking for trouble. A stupid partner will do what you tell them, but only what you tell them. In the mix of the fray they’ll get lost and not know enough to improvise. Not that you want them to get all fancy on you after the fray, but during you want them to follow your lead. Your lead being: Get the loot and put it in my bag.
Your best bet is the galloot with the Enchanted Blade. See, this guy has everything. A chopper that doesn’t quit, more skill than you could shake a cat at and none of that pesky training that might, because of an exposure to unsavory persons of low character, lead to a sense of street smarts. “Street smarts” would be being smart enough to anticipate the final outcome of the glorious escapade and not let you carry your fair share of the loot. Like they don’t trust you or something. Which is the unkindest cut of all. Second unkindest cut. The unkindest cut would be the one that makes you not need a hat no more.
And don’t give out your real name.
And don’t be reminiscing about the good old times back home. At least not the real good old times in the real back home.
Now children, I just happen to have here in my own possession a scroll with a map on it. And wouldn’t you know it? The map has a big red X. Interesting, no? But, alas, I find myself a touch too incapacitated with discrepitude to embark on another outing full of excitement and adventure and undoubtedly profit galore. Poor, poor me. But lucky, lucky you. You have the priceless benefit of my advice, and the opportunity of a scroll with a map with an X all for yourself. Luckily for you, the scroll itself is not priceless. It’s price is so modest I can barely bring myself to mention it. Interested?
-Rue.
) but need to be fed properly. I come with a selection of collars : anti-flea, anti-wolves and the pink with green stars for formal receptions.