Playboy plans a club in orbit

[Sunspace]

Playboy plans a club in orbit. (Playboy is still around?) Nothing resembling a date (heh) in the article though.

Looks like we’ll finally have a definitive answer to the question the Master posed in this column.

Meanwhile, the jokes write themselves.

Playboy has teamed up with Virgin Galactic. No word on how long the galactic virginity will last…

(Sexist) piigs in spaaaaceee!

[Eve]

Eh–it just doesn’t have any atmosphere.

[ShibbOleth]

What happens to tits in a zero gravity environment?

[Odesio]

@ShibbOleth

What happens to tits in a zero gravity environment?

It’s magical.

[cmyk]

@ShibbOleth

What happens to tits in a zero gravity environment?

They explode.

[JRDelirious]

Heh… back when I used to think that when we took Pan Am to the Moon Hilton, there would be a Playboy Club with bunnies in aluminized outfits wearing bobbing antennae instead of bunny ears. Let us at least hope we get to see SOME part of the hep cool version of The Future…

@cmyk

They explode.

No, no, *that’s *in a vacuum… (but not really; it’s a joke, son). But in the case of the sort of tit Playboy has largely featured for the last couple of decades, it probably just becomes nearly spherical. Those already defy gravity

OTOH unless they use some heavy adhesives they will “explode” out of the bunny outfit. (how do you bunny-dip in freefall w/o setting yourself a-tumbling tail over ears?)

[cmyk]

News from the future:

@From the Future News

OCTOBER 20th, 2024

Playboy Club Orbiter, Space—In what will go down in the annals of history, the first ever act of coitus in space, turned tragic and might be a quick end to the multi-trilion dollar partnership between Playboy and Virgin Galactic.

An eye-witness and Playboy staff “Bunny” reported, “After we floated them to their suite, it went wrong almost as soon as we closed the hatch.” Talking about the first couple to enter their private $12 million dollar zero-G sex suite.

“There was thuds and knocking. A lot of screaming and swearing. At first, y’know, we all thought the muffled sounds we heard through the hull were all part of the, um, fun. But no, it was horrible. Just—I can’t…”

The bodies weren’t discovered until hours after they entered, but by then it was already too late. Emergency staff forced entry into the suite to find blood smeared and splattered all over the once luxurious draped pod. Plenty of bodily fluids were floating in the zero gravity, and had to be vacuumed from the air before any medical response could be deployed.

Forensic expert, Michael Hoff states, “The human body, physiologically, just isn’t designed to operate and function in zero-G as we’re used to in here on earth. Astronauts learn very quickly that ‘for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.’” Quoting Newton’s Third Law of Motion. “Unfortunately, I think the passengers paid an expensive price, both literally and figuratively, to learn that.”

The deceased, their names to remain undisclosed until due time, will be jettisoned into space along with their belongings where they’ll incinerate upon reentry.

An anonymous Virgin Galactic custodial staff adds, “One can only hope they’ll burn! And burn in hell, too, for the unholy mess they left for me to mop up. [Expletive omitted], ever try to clean up blood, piss, shit and [censored] in zero-G? Yeh, didn’t think so.”

In the aftermath, the stripper domes will be closed for the duration of the inaugural voyage. However the zero-G salad bar and complementary champagne spheres will remain available to passengers still on board.

[Sunspace]

They clearly didn’t pay attention to the safety lecture. (I understand that the demonstrations by the flight attendants are memorable.)

[Spoons]

@Sunspace

They clearly didn’t pay attention to the safety lecture. (I understand that the demonstrations by the flight attendants are memorable.)

Never mind that; all I can think of are the “Zero-Gravity Toilet” instructions from 2001: A Space Odyssey. After a few martinis, will club members in orbit be able to read those?

[CalMeacham]

Mad Magazine had a cover of itys predicted “Space Playboy” bck in the early 1960s. The covber featured a bunny in a contoured space suit. Cover articles included “Pluto’s Zohra Stark” with a completely outrageous bustline, and the zillionth installment of Hef’s “Playboy Philosophy”. Now Pluto isn’;t evena planet anymore, and most folks have never even heard of the notorious and seemingly interminable episodes of Hef’s philosophy.

[billfish678]

I think the universe already has enough places I could never get laid at and can’t afford to go to.

[Freddy_the_Pig]

I’ve always wanted to join the 238,000-mile-high club.

[Zebra]

I’ll go there for the articles.

[Eliot_Ness]

I never understood why the original key clubs disappeared.
There have always been similar successful places in each city they were in, why should they fail as a brand, unless the branding fees were too high.