I’m a second-year associate at a big-ish law firm (~80 lawyers). I mostly go along, doing my work and going home at the end of the day. I don’t really have any interest in socializing after-hours with my co-workers. I do my job, bill my hours, and go home.
I’ve suffered from severe depression for the last year. My mentor, the head of the firm, the HR director, the head of the litigation department, the assignment coordinator…they all know about it. They’ve been pretty good about accommodating me. They go on and on (making the right lawyer noises to avoid an ADA lawsuit, but some of it sounds sincere) about wanting me to succeed here.
But I’ve sensed, especially in the last 6 months, that there are some of us associates (and even partners) who are among “the chosen,” and some who are not.
The favorites (primarily men, but a couple of women) are the ones who kill themselves to work however many hours they’re asked to, and who suck up to the right people.
The un-favorites are those of us who refuse work when we’re busy, insist on making time for a home life, and who are focused on doing our jobs well and going home. Of course, there are other reasons thrown in here, too. One woman is considered “too sexy.” I’m “not interested enough” (meaning, I’m quiet and focused and I have a life outside the office). The same is true for another woman associate.
The “too sexy” associate is hooked into office gossip (stuff I am oblivious to). I recently learned that at the partners’ meetings, they’ve actually gone so far as to look at lists of associates and pick out the ones who are “never gonna make it.” Based on the names I’ve heard, this is totally based on attitude and politics, not performance or skill. I am probably on this list. My mentor (also the hiring partner, and a mover and a shaker here) let it slip on Friday that she thinks it’s time to “have the talk” about “whether this is the right place for me.”
At another meeting, they chose which associates should be having lunches with the summer associates and candidates for associate jobs. Some of us go into the “no way” category. I suspect I am one of them, although it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I do a lot to get to know the summer associates, and I take them out and spend a lot of time talking to them on a one-on-one basis. I know that they’ve reported this as a good thing to the coordinators of the program…and yet I remain on the “no way” list. I am one of only a couple of associates who are “quarantined from contact” with possible hires…even though I apparently make a good impression and have only positive things to say about this place.
All of this has me really annoyed. Is it this way at all offices? Is this a trait peculiar to law firms? Am I really going to be unable to find a job where doing (by all accounts) excellent work, working a regular full-time schedule, and going home are enough to succeed? Or is it generally a requirement to get involved in “office politics”?
Because, frankly, I don’t care who sleeps with who. I don’t care that my “public image” with the partners is “boring.” I don’t care about being buddies with the “cool” lawyers, and I don’t care to know what “dorky” people are the subject of jokes around the firm. I look around at the people who are considered the “stars” and I know that I never, ever want to be like them. They’re primarily jerks and all are married to their jobs.
I want to do my job well, get paid, and go home to my real life. Which has nothing to do with my job.
Another thought on my mind: I’m not planning on staying more than another year. I know my “boring” image has been complained of by partners who feel this translates into being “uninterested in the work and the clients.”
I know that one of the guys who was identified as “never gonna make it” got fired last year (though they said he chose to leave). He got a severance package of $60,000. I know he was fired because he started mouthing off to partners. I also know they negotiated some kind of deal where the firm never told anyone he was fired, and that they gave him positive reviews. I have heard that they did this because he was black and were afraid of a lawsuit.
Now I’m sorely tempted to try for the same thing. I know they’re afraid I’ll sue them under the ADA, because I’ve got a lot of ammo saved up from various things that people with loose lips have said to me about accommodating my illness. I think I could get the same deal–maybe more, because there aren’t any deficiencies in my work, as there were with the other guy. $60K would come in handy. I’m deeply in debt, and I want to go back to school.
So I guess I have two questions:
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are all jobs like this?
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should I try to get fired?