So, I didn’t have a heart attack.
I did fall down and nearly loose consciousness at work, though, and everyone there is pretty much convinced that I had a heart attack. Everyone at the emergency room, and the hospital, the next day were convinced I had a heart attack. But the medical evidence says, no, I did not have a heart attack. I don’t have an arrhythmia, or any other really grave symptoms. My blood pressure is really high, though.
So, what with visits from nurses, and lots of time on my hands, and stuff like that, I have been thinking about what I did have, that wasn’t a heart attack. What I have concluded is that I had a very bad reaction to internalized stress over recent world events. I have been posting for long hours, and reading news reports for even longer hours, and speaking passionately to my friends and neighbors, here, and elsewhere. I have also been frightened half to death. Apparently quite literally half to death.
I am fine, by the way. The doctor says monitor my blood pressure, take an aspirin a day, and walk faster on my way to work, from now on. Diet, exercise, you know, the usual drill for fat old out of shape guys in their fifties. I am doing that. But I am also doing something else. I am taking a break from the Internet, and pretty much from the way things are. I am going back to work, and to the ones I love, and let them love me a bit. I can’t sustain the level of emotional tension I have been keeping up since the Eleventh.
I feel almost cowardly to say it. But, I need to be alive, too. Thanks to all the Dopers in advance for the kindness that I know will come, and please accept this as my response, for I will not be posting for a few weeks, until I am sure I have the emotional strength to do so. To those who find my withdrawal lacking in ethical or moral strength, I offer no defense. I cannot continue, now.
Be well, my friends, and take good care of yourselves, and each other. Love is the answer, and I go now to seek it. I will return, I hope to open virtual arms.
Tris
P.S. (instead of the usual snappy quote)
I guess this should go in MPSIMS, but could someone mention it in GD, where folks actually know me? Tris
