I’m very close to the Canadian border, and one of my former employer’s main competitors (in the U.S.) is right up in Vancouver. I’ve nothing to lose by applying for a position there, so I will. Will you Dopers, especially HR-types, please review my cover letter? Thanks.
I have a ton of experience reviewing resumes and hiring for a top management consulting firm - with that as my cred, here are my $.02:
This letter is way too long. Assuming you are including a resume with this letter, the letter should be more along the lines of:
Hello,
I am writing because I could be a great fit for a position at your company. As you will see on my attached resume, I have a deep set of appropriate skills and extensive experience in the industry.
I would love a chance to talk further about opportunities at your company, and what I can bring to them. Please feel free to contact me via email or phone at the information listed below. I will follow up in a few days to see when we can talk further.
Thank you,
Johnny L.A.
phone number - just one (keep it simple - they will not call more than one; trust me)
email
That’s it. Before sending it, you obviously will have called the company to identify who you should be sending it to, including their address, so you can send it to the right person and be able to follow up in a few days. Just sending it generally to the company with an “attention: HR” on it will ensure that it will get lost in the mailroom for about a year.
They might also prefer you to send something in via the web - check their website out; most have a “career opportunities” section where you can enter some cover text and attach a resume. MAKE SURE your resume is in the format they specify - it is a big pain, but many companies electronically process web-submitted resumes, so all of your info needs to be in the right place in the file…
Hope this helps and best of luck.
After a quick re-read of my post, I would make one addition:
after:
As you will see on my attached resume, I have a deep set of appropriate skills and extensive experience in the industry.
you might add one other sentence:
Specifically, I could be a great fit for <describe the type of position you would be a fit for, either specifically or generally, but in 3-5 words or less total>.
I had a long post written, but on preview it’s simple. Trust WordMan!
Greeting.
Why writing.
Why so great for job.
Closing.
Contacts.
Don’t forget to put a postscript at the bottom letting them know that you are the brother of the recently deposed leader of Liberia and wish to solicit a business transaction for the sum of $15,000,000 (15 MILLION) of missapropriated construction funds.
Best of luck. I’d go for a slightly more informal opening sentence myself, but I’m no real expert on these things.
Thanks, WordMan.
This is what they say on their Employment Opportunities page:
I went to the Contact Us page, and they do not have a link to HR. They have Consumer Information Centre, Inquiries for Commercial and Consumer membership information, Decision Solutions, Technology Solutions, E-commerce Solutions, and Members Requiring Assistance.
What, you don’t want to come west and work for TransUnion?
What, you don’t want to come EAST and work for TransUnion? I could give you a reference and we could burn some bandwith together.
Just my $.05… I suggest that the first paragraph of your cover letter get right to the point in Wordman’s second post. Open with stating why you would be a good fit for a specific position, and how that will benefit the company.
I remember from a style manual that starting a letter with “I am writing this letter to…” is redundant, as it’s obviously a letter, it’s obviously written, and it most likely was written by the sender. So jump right to the benefit to the reader.
Sorry, no cite, as I don’t remember which style manual this was from.
Sounds like fun, but I love the PNW so!
Now if I could really go east – like to London – that would be cool. 
Okay, I guess it’s no secret that I used to work for Experian. I’ve mentioned it in other posts. No point in being secretive. Does TransUnion like to employ the Opposition?
Yeah, we’d employ the opposition. Some good jobs are posted in Chicago (I’m outside Philly).
I can appreciate your desire to stay in a certain area. I wouldn’t leave the NE.
Good luck, **JLA. ** I wish I could help you out somehow.
Hey - thanks!
Johnny L.A. - glad to help. Glad you checked the website; if it doesn’t say anything more about using their website to input your resume, then definitely call the company and ask reception who to talk with about recruiting or job opportunities. While you will almost certainly be connected to someone in HR, you may not, so be clear about what you need.
When you get to someone, ask them very specifically about how to get your information to them and how you can follow up. Be thoughtful, nice but very persistent. They may just say “send it to HQ” but if you can get a specific person or department you will greatly increase the likelihood that you can track the progress of your candidacy. If they are firmly resistant, follow their orders - don’t piss 'em off, y’know?
And, by the way, Scuba_Ben is right in terms of proper form - I dont think my letter is a major grammar infraction, but his approach is preferred…
Several thngs could use a touch up:
As others have noted - open by saying you are looking for a job, aand why you are approaching thim.
In nearly two decades in the field, I have repeatedly proven my superior anaylytical and problem solving skills in data manipulation, in both scientific and vusiness establishments.
Would it matter that you worked with "accounts receivable data? How about “financial data” or “accounting records”?
I have worked with large volumes of time-critical data involving accounts with millions of records . Much of my work involved working in MS-Windows, Office, Excel, and Access.
The references provided on my résumé can attest to my ability to discern mathematical and other issues missed by others, and to create and implement procedures to resolve them/
I sm an expert at Easytrieve Plus, a programming language often used for creating financial reports.
I am an expert on systems designed for several plat forms. including …
Give them one number and make sure it has voice mail. This sounds a little too anxious.
I feel that my experience in the credit information field would make me an asset to your company. (Say nothing at all about how hiring you might somehow create some problems for them.)
Thanks for the advice! 
Ya know I think the rules are set up by school guidance councelors. To me these rules only say please don’t notice that I am pathetically underqualified.
Why shouldn’t the applicant be proud of his accomplishments???
Why shouldn’t he be more than anxious to talk about what he has been doing for the past several years???
Why would you really want something less???
Sure the HR person doesn’t want to do more work than he has to.Not many people do but getting the right info to the right person generally means being wordy.
The “right info” is on your resume, which you’ve attached. The cover letter says “I’m available, I’m interested, I’m qualified.” The HR person doesn’t want to wade through long cover letters extolling the applicants. Cover letters are just that – letters that “cover” the resume; the resume is the point. JOHNNY, IMO WORDMAN is 100% correct. I also would make the call to find our which live human to send your materials to. That’s the person you call in a week or so to bug. Even if they’re not hiring at the moment, you can pick his or her brain briefly for when they might be, or what they’d like to see from an applicant. Though that would be a heck of a commute for you, wouldn’t it?
You’ve gotten some good criticism. I hope this doesn’t sound petty, but I’ve never been a fan of phrases like “over nine years”. I like the phrase “more than nine years”. For me, the former is a span of time meaning exactly nine years, and sounds awkward in this context. The latter is a quantity of time, which I think is what you meant — nine years and then some.