Please empty the entire two litre bottle of mayonaise onto my burger. Thankyou.

The BBQ Pit
41

My sister simply can’t order off the menu at a fast food place. Oh, she’s physically and mentally capable, she just won’t. She doesn’t like tomatoes, she wants heavy pickle, whatever. So, considering the combined mental capacities of the fast food workers where ever she goes, she often gets her order wrong. She always checks everything before she leaves the parking lot and when it’s wrong, she is not nice; she will go in and yell at the clerk, demand to see the manager, etc. Just generally raise a stink. She says she worked in fast food for four years; it’s simply not that difficult to get it right, and they are morons. (That’s pretty much a direct quote)

Taco Bell seems to be particularly bad, to the point that not only does she know the manager’s names, but they know hers.

I, on the other hand, order right off the menu. I rarely ask for anything special; just give it to me the way it comes. And they still get it wrong. :rolleyes:

42

I get a coffee every day from the same place. Every day the same thing. Medium coffee black. Couldn’t possibly place a more simple order. Invariably same girl fills the cup about two-thirds of the way with coffee. I ask can you fill it up I take it black. Blank look.

I wonder if she even understands why she doesn’t fill it up all the way. I think when she was first hired she noticed everyone else just filled it up two-thirds of the way and figured there must be some mystical reason for this.

I am making progress though. I now ask for medium coffee filled up, rather than black. That high water line is starting to move up. Hallelujah!

43

You know, I suspect–and I can’t say why, but I have this strong, moral conviction, that Lobsang has some form of–and I know this sounds odd- some form of, well…problem with his mayonnase.

Obviously time for an intervention.

Dear, dear Brother Lobsang, where’s the Love? The Love for Brother Mayo?

Bother Mayo is your friend.

He improves your salads.

He cheers up your sandwiches.

He adds variety to your marriage bed.

Brother Mayo loves you, Brother Lobsang!

Where’s the Love?

44

A fellow 'mater-hater! Hail, brother!

I love your phrase “Osama of the al-Qaeda salad network.” Classic!

45

I’m convinced Lobsang does this specifically because he enjoys the idea of me peeing my pants at work. Do you know how difficult it is to wash your pants in the sink here? Not to mention walking around all day with wet pants…:stuck_out_tongue:

46

Kindly report to the nearest Dutch embassy or consulate, where a big sign saying “MAY NOT ENTER THE KINGDOM OF THE NETHERLANDS” will be embedded in your passport.

Thank you.

47

This thread rawks.

Yesterday I was at the coffee shop. The sign in the window said, “Special: Lattes $3.00.” Ok, so I order the special latte, but I tell the d00d I want it iced. “Well, it’s not on sale if it’s iced, only the hot lattes are on sale.” It’s the same fucking drink whether it’s cold or hot, same ingredients, same level of effort.

Um, whatever.

48

It’s that popular over there?

<shudder> :wink:

49

Some things I could never figure out when I worked at Wendy’s in high school:

  • People who would drive up and order a “whopper”. Some ordered a “quarter-pounder”, but I could slightly understand that since the Wendy’s menus at the time had the size of the burgers rather prominently displayed (“Single - 1/4 pound”).

  • I’d ask (as I was forced to do) if they wanted something to drink with their order, and I’d get a few moments of stunned silence followed by “You mean a COLD drink?” No, moron, I mean a Crown and 7. This happened OFTEN. I eventually figured out that to a particular cultural group, “drink” = alcoholic drink and “cold drink” was the accepted term for a soda or lemonade.

  • Since this was in the deep south, I also got people who would think nothing of ordering an “orange coke” to drink… “coke” being the accepted generic term for any carbonated beverage, apparently.

  • I still haven’t been able to figure out the conversation I had with one older gentleman:
    Young Amanita: “Would you like something to drink with that, sir?”
    Customer: “What brand of root beer do you have?”
    Young Amanita: “Uh, it’s Fanta, sir.”
    Customer (in strangely proud tone): “Then I’ll have a Fanta!”

Was he in root-beer production and marketing and therefore would only order his particular brand? I’ll never know.

  • Customers who would order a particular sandwich and add “separate it.” I put the sandwich in its own bag several times before a manager explained that meant “cut it in half.” Uh, okay.
50

I once ordered a grilled cheese, took a bite, and nearly keeled over with laughter…they forgot the CHEESE!!! The heart and soul of the sandwich!

Of course, the lady at the register turned around and yelled “Mabel, you forgot the cheese again!” Priceless…

51

In an independant burger joint in the town I live in, run by some fiery mediterranean guy.

Me - Can I have the BLT from the sit-in menu please, but I want to take it away.

Fiery - No you have to sit in.

Me - Can you just make it, bag it and I will be off though? I am going to pay the higher price you know?

Fiery - I can make you BLT from the take-away menu.

Me - I cant eat it, I burnt my mouth earlier, the take away is on a crusty baguette that would rip my mouth to bits, I love the sit-in BLT it’s on a soft bap type thing, I just dont have time to sit-in my friend is outside in the car.

Fiery - Can’t you read or something that is on the sit-in menu, I have waitresses to pay?

Me - What? Do you not understand English? I want you to make a BLT, just switch breads and for that I will pay you the sit-in price, the waitress does not have to touch it, you cook the thing two feet away from me.

Fiery - Ok I will make it

Cue 5 uncomfortable minutes, I tried to act normal, read the posters on the wall, whistled happy tune etc. I had no grudge at this point. the Fiery guy had a fixed grimace the whole time.
Then the burger was ready-

Me - Can I have some tomato sauce please?

Fiery - (whispering to himself) You want tomato sauce? I give you tomato sauce!

He must have squeezed the plastic bottle really hard about 4 times, 10 seconds of squelching later the bun was absolutely smothered. Now I know that ketchup helps your body fight against cancer forming and stuff but this was ridiculous, I was no longer wanting this crap.

Me - Tell you what , you just keep that burger, I dont want it anymore.

I am halfway through the door to freedom.

Fiery - No No No you fucker, not in my shop this does not happen to me, get back here and pay for this.

I dont know why, but I went back in, we were both pissed off now.

Me - I am not paying for that fucking burger, you just went crazy with the ketchup on purpose, If I dont want it because it is ruined that is up to me, you fucking eat it.

Fiery - You are not leaving here till you have paid for this.

Fiery left the cooking area and was walking around to confront me. I kicked the door closed, I was not going anywhere.

So fiery grabs me and holds onto me for dear life he is not letting me go and I am shouting at him to " Get the fuck off me. "

Fiery - I take people like you into the back room and beat shit out of them

Me - Ok, you want to fight, I want to fight, c’mon lets go outside and do this properly

Fiery - Ok I am going to call the police

Me - Yeah, call the police, this is kidnap if you dont want to fight them move out the way and let me out ( I was feeling so cornered at this stage) I swear to fucking God I will pick up a chair and out it through your window.

Fiery shouts to his waitress - Get me a knife, get me a big fucking knife, I am going to stab this mother fucker.

The waitress started to go to the kitchen and I shout at her " What are you doing? Are you away to get him a knife?"was about crying and she was screaming " Yes, no, I dont know,he means it, please just pay him, please. "

Me - “I am not paying anything, get him a knife”

Dont know why I said that, the waitress just froze though.

Fiery - Well I am going to get a knife.

Fiery walks back around the kitchen and into some back room leaving the door readily available.
I leave, and my heart is pounding again just writing this.

The pity was that I loved that place, he made the biggest and best burgers ever, so one day about a year and a half later I go back thinking he may not remember me, he did, and not for the last time our paths crossed again with explosive results.

52

This happens to me every fucking time I go to any fast food store that happens to have a 2 for 1 special on something I only want 1 of!

Me: I’d like 1 cheeseburger and a coke.
McD’s: But it’s 2 for 1, ma’am.
Me: I see that, but could I just have 1 cheeseburger? After all, the extra is free, and I’m only going to eat 1.
McD’s: But we have to give you 2. Don’t you see the sign? It’s 2 for 1.
Me: Yes, you told me that. Look, why don’t I just buy a kid’s meal?
McD’s: But that has a small coke. You asked for a medium. It also has fries, which you didn’t ask for.
Me: Ok, so why don’t I get a kids meal, I’ll pay for a medium coke in addition, but you just don’t bother giving me the small coke or the fries?
McD’s: (Sounding very panicked) What? But I can’t just NOT give you parts of the meal - those parts are included. You HAVE to take them.
Me: But I’m not going to eat them. Let’s go back to the original order then. Charge me for the 2 for 1 deal and a medium coke and you just don’t give me the extra, free, cheeseburger? Can you do that?
McD’s: No!
Me: Sigh Okay. I’ll have the 2 for 1 cheeseburger and a medium coke.
McD’s: Do you want cheese with that?
Me: Oh, shit…

53

Kiger, overlyverbose, just take your food and leave the extra burger on the counter fer chrissakes! Give it to a homeless guy. Ask the person behind you if THEY want it. Why torture yourself?

54

and rammed shite down my pie hole. GOTCHA YA!

Goddammit thats funny! :smiley:

Never kiss an animal that can lick its own butt.

55

Speaking for myself, I take it as a personal challenge. I always assume (so far wrongly) that if I speak logic to these people, a few neurons will start firing and lead them to the conclusion that 2-1=1
I honestly can’t figure out this phenomenom. Do they get flogged in the backroom if the customer doesn’t take the 2 for 1 deal?
MUST TAKE TWO! whack MUST TAKE TWO! :dubious:

56

You are both heritics. Tomatos are sent straight from heaven to be the agents of mankind’s salvation. Cucumbers, on the other hand, make Satan smile.

57

I’m in the same boat. I wrongly assume that, like someone who just needs a moment to think on it, these people will go “You want what?” Then I’d hear the slow clunk clunk clunk of their brain starting to work, see the dawning realization in their eyes that - wow! - that extra burger is free, so if I don’t want it, they can just not give it to me. But Cheesesteak is correct - we’re only hurting ourselves if we go round and round like this. They just won’t get it. But it sure is fun to watch those monkeys get confused!

So I rarely go to fast food anymore unless my fiancee really wants some McD’s. Also, I know for sure that there aren’t any loogies or urine in it if I make it myself. Well, at least not on my plate. My fiancee’s, well, that’s a different matter. Heh heh heh…:smiley:

58

Well, I’ll be 44 next month (contact me off-board for size and color preferences…and cash is always welcome) and I would have given you the same slack-jawed stare.

Now, had you said orange soda…

59

Hey! Hands off my pickles. I like 'em too. I just thought it was funny that a place that doesn’t put pickles on their burgers even has them at all. I’m glad they do, though.
By the way, I thought of two other things. These are not complaints, but just humorous (hopefully) observations on how hard it is to communicate sometimes: I like Subway meatball sandwiches, and I like the tomato sauce that they comes with the meatballs; I just don’t like a gallon of it. But this is virtually impossible to communicate to the sandwich maker. If I say “Meatball sandwich with no extra sauce, please”, or “not too much sauce, please”, they invariably will gingerly pick the meatballs out of the container and painstakingly make sure that nary a molecule of sauce clings to them. Doesn’t matter that I said “no EXTRA sauce” as opposed to “no sauce”. On the other hand, if I just ask for a meatball sandwich, they will put the meatballs on, with the moderate amount of sauce that is in the spoon when they pick up the meatballs, THEN proceed to spoon out MORE sauce, and add that to the sandwich as well. I usually find myself just ordering the meatball sandwich, then waiting 'til they get to the extra sauce adding routine, and asking them to stop at that point. But it requires split-second timing.

The other thing is getting fried eggs at a diner. I like fried eggs, but I hate runny yolks. The idea of eating uncooked egg yolks makes me want to vomit. When I cook them at home, I use the spatula to break the membrane, and flip the egg over, so that the yolk gets cooked. The name for this is “over-hard”. But here’s the problem: if you order eggs “over-hard” at a diner, what you usually get is a burned mess of eggs cooked to within an inch of their life. I want them cooked, not crunchy. See, what I really want is “over-easy”, but with the yolk broken so it gets cooked too. Unfortunately, they don’t have a name for that. This is how the conversation usually goes:

“I’d like 2 eggs over-easy, but with the yolk broken”

“You mean over-hard, hon”

“Well, yeah - but I don’t want them overcooked - I just want the yolk broken”

“That’s called over-hard, hon”

[receive 2 overcooked, crunchy eggs]

I eventually gave up and now I just order scrambled eggs.

60

Pee on the tacos…oh dear me. This is why I order the #1 deal at Taco Hell – three tacos and a drink, nothing special, officer.

But when they changed the menu (the #1 used to be the #9, I think) I would stare at the big lit-up screen for a moment, making SURE this TB had flipped to the new menu, then look the cashier dead in the eye and say:

A: I would like a number one, with 7-up.
Cashier: Ok…You want the three tacos one then? Because it’s new.

Which is understandable, I guess…but the next time I went:

A: I’d like a number one, three tacos, with 7-up.
Cashier: You want the old number one or the new number one?

Sigh…

I won’t get a hamburger from most fast food places, figuring that the chicken I get is PROBABLY organic…but I will get burger’s from Dan’s Hamburgers. You folks outside Austin don’t know what you’re missing.

I do miss Red Line burgers, though.