There are plenty of people, men and women alike, who enjoy mutal romance and intimacy, but don’t get along on more mundane levels, such as everyday conversations and such.
“Just being friends” can often be a constant cruel reminder for the man that he was rejected. Often it can just make it harder for some people to move on with their lives.
My best friend’s girlfriend wanted to “just be friends”, which we found out later meant “I want to make out with other guys but still pretend you’re my boyfriend”. Her behavior is rather apalling-she makes it look like they are in a relationship to everyone else, which confounds people and makes it hard for him to move on.
Ah, I guess that’s the part I don’t really get. I can understand having (well, OK, have had) a one-night stand with a person you wouldn’t get along with on a more mundane level, but a real relationship is another story. But hey, whatever works for the people involved…
Do you have a realistic plan for how a long-distance relationship could work here? Are you so in love you’d consider moving to her city? Would you support her to find another, similar job in your city? Would you commute every weekend as you dated and be loyal to her when you were at home?
If you are so smitten that any of the above is making sense, consider laying your heart bare and telling her so.
If that doesn’t seem realistic, then you can see her point and you’re really not losing that much.
I still advocate playing mind games. It doesn’t matter whether you normally play them. You have to play them now. The girl is obviously playing them, and you need to play up to her level if you want to so much as stay on the playing field. If you play like a stupid naive kid and act all honest and direct (like mama taught you) you’ve lost the game before you even started playing.
Women crave excitement and mystery. You need to appeal to this side of her (by sending mixed signals) if you ever want to have a chance of having her feel passion for you. Otherwise you’ve already lost.
I thought I did. I never got the sense that she really understood how much I was into her. She always seemed amazed that I would drive up there after work when it wasn’t a big deal at all.
If she doesn’t think it will work, I guess there’s not much I can do about that.
I am amazed by the amount of cynical misogynistic advice you’re getting here.
If you’re nuts about the girl, give her a call, tell her you’d like to drive up to see her, be cheerful and positive (not mopey or whiney or gloomy or too serious), I’ll bet everything works out fine. It sounds to me like she still feels something for you; why not give it a chance?
Love’s a beautiful thing; don’t let all these pessimists get you into a negative frame of mind.
Do this and get locked into the friends-zone forever.
Alternatively, fuck with her head, send mixed signals, become inexplicably unavailable irregularly, and you’ll get to enjoy passionate no-strings sex with the girl for reasons she can’t even fathom. She’ll surprise herself with just how much she is craving you.
Women respond positively to being treated like dogs. If you treat them like human beings, they in turn will treat you like dogs. Get with the program, champ.
Wow. You must have some really meaningful romantic relationships with really winner women.
Back to the OP. My guess from life experiance and extrapolation: She likes you, she really, really likes you. However, she feels that her life as a whole doesn’t have the space for a romantic relationship that is “Long Distance” (though two hours with you willing to do most of the travel that becomes argueable) AND she doesn’t believe the current relationship to be serious enough to allow for someone moving/changing jobs to continue to support the relationship.
If you want to persue the relationship, talk to her about it. Tell her that you would like to continue to date and that the drive for dinner on Saturday is honestly not a problem. (Make sure you mean this, and exactly this…don’t convince her that it is nothing major for you to spend four hours of travel time for a 4-6 hour date, and then be put out if you are driving every weekend and she doesn’t see it as any special effort on your part.) It doesn’t sound like she doesn’t like you, it sounds like she isn’t sure the relationship can take the strain of long distance and she’d rather not gamble with it.
Sigh. OK, if we accept that guys don’t always want to be friends with women they have dated, will you accept that women who DO want to be friends are not necessarily evil or playing head games? Please?
Old enough to have slept with far more women than you have.
Look, this messageboard is about fighting ignorance. It is not about regurgitating counterproductive, dishonest, and outright fallacious feminist propaganda. I’m telling the guy what works and what gets results, which I believe is the entire point of this thread.
She didn’t call back, not that I really expected her to. I’m not going to pursue it further for a myriad of reasons.
I really do appreciate everybody’s input.
And D., if you are reading this, I enjoyed spending July with you. You are beautiful, intelligent, witty and fun. In most respects, you probably are a little out of my league and you deserve a good man, if you’re looking for one. I appreciate you communicating your feelings as best you could and being honest. I hope everything goes well for you and blending into your new community is effortless. And maybe our paths will cross again one day. Bruce_Daddy
Some came back for more, some didn’t. You can’t win’em all.
You’re not supposed to have deep conversations with women you want to fuck, anyways. Any topic that may lead to disagreement is out of the question when you’re chasing pussy. The mood is to be kept light, fun and pleasant. Politics, religion, sexuality, these are things you discuss with friends.
I can’t help but marvel when I see people rehashing these age-old, intractable, argument-prone topics on dates. What the fuck are you people on? The point of a date is not to cultivate a rift, is it? Why do you people try so hard?