Please Flame My Procrasinating Ass

The BBQ Pit
1

It is now 10:44 p.m. on a Sunday night. I have a brief due at 8:00 a.m. sharp on Monday morning. It is not done. I can’t go home until it’s done.

But am I working on it? Nooooo. I am surfing the !&(Q@ Message Board like the procrastinating Dope® I am. And no one is here to make me work.

So help me out, guys. Kick my ass for me. Remind me of how tired I’ll be tomorrow if I’m here until 3 a.m. and tell me you won’t respect me if I don’t get my work done. Call me names. Whip me, beat me, make me write bad checks. I’ll check back.

Sigh.

2

Umm… YOU SUCK!!!

How’s that?

3

What the hell are you starting a thread for if you want to work you dolt.

You’re gonna keep on checking back to see what people have to say .

For Jodie’s own good I say DNFTPWNTW *****

*****Do not feed the person who needs to work .

[Best Mothers voice]
It will still be here in the morning
[/Best Mothers voice]

4

You sleazoid carcinogenic monkey tick, who can’t even spell procrastinating correctly!

5

No; Jodi spelled it right, but it’s a different word. It’s the lawyer-specific form, with the root asin, as in asinine.

Meanwhile, I came into work on a SUNDAY NIGHT AND AM SURFING THE FOKKING SDMB TOO, so I’m unable to help you, Jodi.

6

Jodi, if you’re reading this and that brief isn’t done yet, you’re going to be pulling an all nighter.
Aren’t you getting too old for all nighters? I know I am! The last all nighter I pulled was probably for my Torts midterm during first year (gag!).

7

It’s 8:03am. Tired, Jodi? Well think of that next time you want to surf the FUCKING net, you worthless pile of mierda!

Lisa, who was up all night sewing on Girl Scout badges for my daughter’s Brownie meeting tomorrow, even though she had ALL SUMMER to do it.

8

What’s wrong with you, Jodi? I’ve never look at the SDMB when I should be working. I always complete all my work and then come here. I only participate in Comments on Cecil’s Columns and General Questions. I also eat enough fiber and do yoga every day.

9

HOW DARE you read the SDMB while your client is resting in bed, happily thinking that his brief will be ready in the morning!

You scum sucking, ass-licking, cock-sucking, mother-fucking ambulance-chasing low-life lawyer wannabe!

Your mother was a 2nd rate knock-off of a 3rd rate Port Said prostitute! And the only reason she got pregnant with you that evening was because your father had the choice of her or going back to the ship and being the “boy” again for the evening. And the only reason he could preform was that he wasn’t nearly as drunk as he usually was. And the only reason your mother remembers him was because it was the one night of the month where she wasn’t dripping with some infection!

Now get back to work before I really get mad!

There, was that good enough?

10

I have the same problem with my Course work. Just do what I am going to do in a few days time and uninstall the internet.

11

You’ve already punished yourself enough. Been there, done that way too many times.

12

:: Sniff ::

Thanks, guys; you all are so sweet.

I finished the brief at mumble a.m. and filed it on time. Another bullet dodged. I have got to work on my time-management skills.

13

Damn, I wanted to hear what the judge said when you told her/him that the dog ate your brief.

Well, I’d better get back to the remodeling. Four o’clock? If I quit surfing now, I can make a good day of it. :rolleyes:

14

I say screw the brief and have fun on the SDMB(that will at least take out one bloodsucking lawyer out of circulation) :smiley:

15

Yeah, that flame.

I’ll get back to you on that soon…

16

I found this thread too late to help and feared the worst.
I’m so relieved everything worked out.

Next time, you should hire a servant to sing you a lullaby.
Works for the Queen, so I’ve been told. She used to try watching the PM’s speeches to go to sleep, but would awaken when the tape ran into the static end.

17

I would have flamed you a week ago but…

18

Whoa!! Your a lawyer?? Where do I start? :smiley:

Just kidding. Glad things worked out.

(… even if sleeping is a tool of the devil. no really and i can prove it… oops the men in the white lab coats are here with my medication…)

19

Does filing a brief need to be done by an attorney, or can a lowly plebe of a secretary do it? No confirmation of full attorney status from Jodi, I see. I’m casting my stone for plebe (grunt or serf). And as much as we could skewer her for being a dreaded lawyer, she hangs it out there, waiting for the heat.

I have lurked for such an occasion as this, and o be PERSONALL INVITED to flame Jodi is just too much…however.

I can just sit smugly and know that the reason that she had to ask Dopers to make her work is because her many cats (of this I am not certain**) would rather sleep on her still made bed and really don’t give 2 shits.