Please help. Feeling bad re. animal-in-pain scenario

In My Humble Opinion
1

After a long hiatus from being a paying member [but a continuous lurker], I just re-upped because I really need the help, opinions, and, let’s face it, voice of reason of the Dope. Please help because I’m feeling really bad about this dog for a couple reasons.

I’m acquainted with a dog. Let’s call him Brian. Brian is an old dog. I’m not sure exactly, at least 13 years old, as far as my recollection. He is arthritic. Not under extreme veterinary scrutiny due to the finances of the owner. Obviously in a lot of pain, in my non-professional opinion. The owner rreadily eports that when he ascends a flight of stairs in the house, it is not uncommon for him to fall and not be able to get up without a hoist from his owner. He is a fairly big dog (I’m no good with weight estimations; he is a fairly plump [eats a lot of people-food] and comes up to about my mid-thigh). When Brian lies down, which is about 95% of his life, he is plopped on his side, and AUDIBLY breathing. Gasping/rasping sound. With every breath. This condition had been at this bad degree, and getting worse, for at least a year. At least. I’m trying to give a conservative description.

I’m not a dog person; I’m a cat person but try to be realistic about animals of all stripe. I love them and believe one should be steeled enough (and compassionate enough) to put them down when they’re in pain beyond help. Enough about me.

The owner of the dog is an in-law who I see on occasion. She is 80years old, a bit on the eccentric side, and extremely attached to the dog. My husband and I have made some oblique suggestions about making a change in her pet-situation in an attempt to put the idea in her head that it’s for the best to put Brian down. E.g. “Maybe you should think about getting a puppy”… her response is “I couldn’t do that to Brian, he’s too proud to have another dog around.” So the indirect method hasn’t worked.

I’ve considered approaching her with a direct conversation and offering to both go with her and to pay for euthanizing the dog. However, I had the opportunity to talk with one of her grown children, (again, an in-law), who I know very well, today. “What’s the deal with Brian?” I asked her. I sensed a very slight bristling and stiffening.

“What do you mean?” she said.

“He’s in bad shape… don’t you think he should be put down?”.

“What do you mean?”, she said. “It’s her dog… he gets along ok”.

At that point I didn’t say anything, just basically looked away in silence because I could see how the cards were stacking.

She added after a brief pause, “No, I mean, he’s got arthritis and has trouble breathing, but I don’t think he’s in pain. I mean, he’s not whimpering or anything”.

I just shrugged and didn’t push it. In retrospect I suppose I could have said, nicely, “What if we took him to two or three vets just to see what they said?”

This is something that I could push a little bit with the owner [I may catch her in a moment where I could convince her], but apparently will get no assistance from the family and would probably end up alienating one or two of them who apparently have a different philosophy about such things.

I’m not usually an intrusive person. But dammit, this dog is in pain and at this point it’s just cruelty! Isn’t it ok to be a nosy-parker if something like this can be avoided?

What say you Dopers? Did I do the wrong thing trying to pursue the matter a bit further? Is vocally airing my views out of line here? I’m feeling bad for both the dog’s situation and for perhaps pushing the envelope with a family member.

2

drpepper, that’s a very tough call. I don’t think you should offer to pay to have her dog put down. There simply is no way you can make that offer without sounding callous. Either it will sound like you want to deprive your in-law of a beloved pet, or you are not-too subtly implying that she’s not a good caretaker of her beloved pet. She may not be, of course, completely unintentionally.

First, don’t offer to get her a ‘replacement’ dog. No one who is truly attached to their pet would want to have him put down and immediately get a new dog. That would be very guilt-inducing. Also, a puppy is too much work for most elderly people, and likely to outlive her and have to be sent to a new home, if one can be found, or the shelter if not. :frowning:

You’ve mentioned that you are not really close to this person, since you don’t see them often. That makes it less likely that they will accept any help from you. But as I see it, you have two options:

You can offer to get the dog a vet appointment and pay for it, but not with the intention of getting the dog put to sleep. Only with the intention of seeing if the dog can be made more healthy. And it might be possible to make him more healthy, with a better diet and some medication. It is possible that the vet will make a diagnosis that the dog is suffering and can’t be helped, but you shouldn’t be the one suggesting that, and vet care might be quite expensive.

or

You can butt out. The owner isn’t likely to be convinced by you if she isn’t convinced by the dog’s condition, and if you do talk her into it, she may blame you later for talking her into something she really didn’t want to do.

You’ve put the idea in the mind of one of her children, who may now step up to the plat and help her mom get the dog to the vet. Hopefully she will, but I think you’ve done all you reasonably can, to be honest. People don’t take it well to be told how to care for their children or their pets, in my experience, and this is one of the most emotionally charged decisions a person has to make.

3

That didn’t come out quite right. Of course some people who love their animals get new pets right after losing one, but they don’t want to have it suggested to them, usually. A person has to get used to the idea and make peace with it in their own way, and make their own decisions. Many people feel a love for their pets nearly as strong as for a child, and nobody would ever tell a grieving parent or a parent of a terminally ill child ‘hey, you can always adopt a new kid’. You can adopt a child or a pet, but they won’t ever replace the one you lose.

4

Great advice from XaMcQ. You really can’t make that call. I was at a customer’s home once where her beloved cat couldn’t even walk any more. The cat literally dragged his back legs/butt around. I can’t even imagine how the whole litterbox thing worked anymore. Nonetheless, I wasn’t in a position to tell her to put the animal down.

Euthanizing a pet is an extremely personal decision and not one to be made lightly. I speak from experience here. I’ve done very little in my life as hard as taking my cat to the vet for the last time to be put down.

5

Thanks for the replies; it all makes sense, of course, and as long as I can sleep at night knowing I did all that was reasonable I can let it go, so hearing this helps:

We put our long-time kitty companion down last year and it was of course sad, and difficult, so I can certainly empathize with anyone struggling with the same situation.

6

If you can afford it, offer to take the dog to the vet and ask about a Rymadal perscription (I may be spelling that wrong). Its an NSAID for dogs. (Aspirin is also apparently OK for dogs, but talk to a vet. A dog should NEVER get Advil). The Rymadal will run about a dollar a day or so and may make the dog more comfortable.

An 80 year old women should not get a puppy. Puppies are a lot of work and at her age a puppy is likely to outlive her.

7

With elderly people, their attachment to their pets is a whole different kind of comfort to them. I hate to see people wait too long to do what needs to be done, but I can certainly understand the need to hang on as long as possible. People that old count their remaining days (and friends) in a different way from the rest of us. Poor thing (on both sides of the situation). It’s a hard call no matter how you slice it.

8

That is certainly the case here, and worth remembering. Also, as for your mention of medication, Dangerosa, there was a vet prescription a few years ago that I remember the owner mentioned to me [not sure if it was for aspirin or an NSAID or what, but it was for the arthritis or joints or something], but I remember she said that when she tried to give it to him, in his food or whatever, he didn’t like it and never ate it so she never pushed it; she doesn’t seem comfortable with having the dog do something it really doesn’t want to, even if it’s for his own good. I know for a fact that at that time her vet also recommended to ease up on the “people food” for his own health but she doesn’t do that either.

She also has two or three cats, also old, but they seem to be living pretty full and happy lives (they are mostly outdoor).

I think I’ll just butt out.

9

The dog needs to be seen and evaluated by a professional. With an accurate diagnosis, it’s altogether possible that the dog’s problems can be alleviated or altogether cured. That being said . . . the *worst *thing you could possibly do is mention putting the dog down at this point. Even if he were your own dog, you wouldn’t be thinking of euthanasia before considering other options. Either get a diagnosis or MYOB.

10

Sounds like the dog may be in the same situation as my oldest dog Shane. Shane has arthritis, thyroid problem and a heart murmur. She takes Rimadyl for the arthritis, Soloxine for the thryroid, and may have to add another drug for the murmur which was discovered last month. It costs me around $50 per month for Shane’s meds, but they keep her going.

My main concern with what you have described is the heavy raspy breathing. This is the symptom, along with coughing while running or laying down, that we have to watch for in Shane because it could mean congestive heart failure.

You should offer to take the dog to the vet. Tell your relative whatever you think will make her let you take him–you read a article that matches the dog’s symptoms, you heard of a new drug that helps with arthritis, whatever. The vet will be able to tell you if meds can help the dog or if it’s time to let him fade away.

I would tell your family that dogs do not show pain the way people do…it’s a weakness to whimper and dogs cannot show weakness. Just because Brian isn’t crying doesn’t mean he doesn’t hurt.

11

I put down my 19 year old dog several years ago. She too had laboured breathing and an uncooperative hind end. I’d even fashioned a sling for her to help her get outside to do her business. She was entirely mortified with that process.

We extended her enjoyment of life a little bit with regular trips to the vet for a steroid shot - which made her mobile for a few weeks at a time. Eventually it was just too sad to see her lying on a sheet, incontinent and presumably in pain.

So I took her to for one last trip to the vet . . . it was an awful decision for all the right reasons - and not at all helped by a vet who said, “are you sure? Her heart’s really strong.”

I agree with the suggestion that you offer to take Brian to the vet to see if there is a med that would make him more comfortable. Not all meds are given orally - and there are plenty of creams/gels that you can put on a pet’s nose that they instinctively lick off . . .

I definitely think you should sleep easily knowing that you at least broached the subject . . .

12

I forgot to add that dogs love Rimadyl. It tastes like liver, so I understand. I just throw it in with Shane’s food in the morning and she gobbles it down, but she’ll take it just like a yummy treat.

13

My dog hears the word “medicine” and translates it to “treat.” Its doggie goodness.

14

The dog can have hip problems and breathing problems and not be in pain. I know a dog in a similar situation who does not appear to be in pain. She gets assistance as needed to get around and is regularly seen by a vet. The owners will put her down when the time comes and they know that could be any time.

Sponsoring a vet visit and medication would be a great start.