Please Help! I'm getting Married and my S.O. is going nuts!

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)
#1

For lack of a better terminology ‘nuts’ is the best way to describe her. We are getting married in October at an Art Gallery. Everything is booked but the D.J. Everything is paid for but the D.J.
As a normally level headed woman she is decidedly not so now that we are within the 90 period before the wedding. We both work in the same building in Boston. She and I live in VT but have a home in Newton for the work week. Recently, as in this morning, she has been freaking out more and more. I was on travel a few weeks ago to Michigan and she practically burst into tears everytime we spoke on the phone. For someone who is normally VERY VERY VERY level headed I’m a little worried. She has to be absolutely positively sure that there will be no problems at all, all the time. And when something doesn’t go exactly the way she wants she melts.

Does this happen with every wedding? What are you’re experiences? And Ladies…does it pass?

We are both professional people working for Big Company X, solid positions… But something has to change soon, because she is veritably los’in it! Advice welcome…

#2

Well, I guess you could sit her down and ask her what is the worst thing that could happen. Since the answer is always something minor and forgettable (barring a hostage situation involving three mimes, the maid-of-honor and a weasel) But sometimes logic doesn’t work when a person is emotional.

So, take her out to eat and a movie of her choice, tell her there will be no wedding talk for the duration and then offer her a massage that night.

#3

Something will go “wrong.” And about 90% of the time, no one will even notice. Even the other 10% of the time, you can usually recover and go on, and you’ll have a story to tell later.

One of my bridesmaids dropped out two weeks beforehand. We just went with an uneven number of people in the wedding party and had two of the men escort one of the women out for the recessional.

We messed up the “choreography” of the ceremony such that my husband and I never ended up kneeling before the priest. He wasn’t making any frantic gestures at any point, so I guess he either forgot too or figured it wasn’t that important.

Two of my sisters-in-law had an argument at the reception, but at least they were outside at the time and no one else but another of the SILs heard it.

I heard a report that my sister’s bridesmaid dress was hemmed waaaay above her knee, and nearly broke a blood vessel. Turns out it was just my mom’s skewed view of what was “too short” on her baby girl, and the hem length was just fine.

The bridesmaid who backed out (who was also a SIL in the argument) had called to change who was coming with her no less than 3 times in the couple weeks before the wedding, and each time it involved a change in the number of meals needed. It ended up that her husband and 2 step-kids didn’t come, and we sucked up the cost of their 3 meals.

I was a stressball before my wedding too, and ours was pretty low-key when it came to the amount of planning/setup required. She’s planning the biggest party that she’ll probably ever throw, and feels like she has to satisfy everyone. She won’t, by the way, but it doesn’t matter.

Just try to keep her calm and be supportive. Hug her, give her backrubs. Tell her that you just care that she’s happy and that you’ll be married soon. Try to convince her that if the little tiny details aren’t perfect, no one will notice.

As the recessional for my wedding, I chose the “Hallelujah Chorus” (done on a pipe organ) from Handel’s Messiah. This was because I knew I’d be soooo glad when it was over!

#4

And that’s the best advice I can offer. We told our parents we were getting married during Spring Break 7 weeks away and we did so. We didn’t care about any of those minor things like what the invitations looked like, who sang, what the cake was, etc.

#5

I went to a wedding last year. The bride, a work friend of ours, was escorted to the front by her dad. She then turned to face the audience and informed us all that since her Maid of Honor and the Groom has screwed the night before, there would be no wedding that day and that we were all, except for the seriously pale Maid of Dishonor and Groom, invited to the reception for a sorely needed bout of drinking, dancing and merriment. It probably was the best reception I’ve ever attended.

Point being if everything was to go without a hitch (pardon the pun), what fun would that be? Perfect is boring. A little unanticipated manuvering just might make the event that much more enjoyable.

#6

lieu: :eek:

#7

I don’t think there’s any advice I could give you other than to ignore it all as best you can. Honestly, seeing women act like this over their wedding day makes me cringe and embarrassed to be a woman sometimes. :rolleyes:

Everything from the dress to the table napkins has to be perfect. Why?? In the big scheme of things none of it is important and no-one notices or cares if something goes wrong.

#8

You’re umm…a… joking right…right?

#9

If he’s not, I admire her poise (and sense of revenge).

#10

I saw this happen once to a level headed women getting married who would burst into tears at the littlest things. Turned out the bride discovered she was in the early stage of pregnancy and that combined with the wedding stress was too much to take.

#11

Absolutely not astro. Remember the old film clips of the A bomb going off and how you could see the blast wave racing from the center? That’s what everyone’s heads looked like in front of us as realization spread throughout the chapel.

Granted this is way extreme from what Antiquarian’s day will be like but I personally find the little mishaps in a wedding to really add to the experience. I hope his intended can put her fears aside and enjoy the day and all the little unexpected surprises it may bring.

#12

Yeesh…I was cool as a cucumber in the days before my wedding. My attitude was, as long as I ended up married at the end of the day, nothing else was going to matter. A few little things did go wrong, but it was no big deal. Antiquarian, my advice to you is to sit your fiancee down and ask her what’s really important. Is it that the two of you get married, or that she have absolute control over space and time? Because that’s what you’re gonna need to ensure that absolutely nothing go wrong. Ya gotta let go of that stuff and focus on what matters.

#13

What is S.O. Sorry. I can’t seem to determine what the acronym is.

#14

Significant Other.

#15

ok. Thanks.

#16

Barring lieu-style catastrophes, which can be easily avoided by not screwing the Maid of Honor (or any of the bridesmaids, really), you need to emphasize to your fiancee that no matter what happens, you two are going to get married and it’s going to be beautiful and amazing. Everything else is just window dressing around that event, and nothing could spoil such a perfect moment in your lives.

Don’t tell her the details of the celebration aren’t important, because they are to her. But remind her that even if those details don’t turn out exactly how she wanted, the reason behind the celebration is your marriage, and nothing could keep that from being perfect.

#17

A lot of the stress is that the situation of planning a wedding puts a woman in the position of having to a) plan an event, requiring the coordination of many disparate elements and the mollifying of disparate opinions, and b) plan this event for herself and the man she loves most in the world, so that she’s emotionally invested in the outcome. Event planning, even when it’s not for yourself, is hard work. That’s why there are people out there whose sole career position is to plan events, from sales conferences to bar mitzvahs. It’s HARD. Adding to all that work the day itself is hugely important on an emotional level, and yeah, I think it’s excusable that normally level-headed women come close to losing it sometimes leading up to the ceremony.

Take me, for example. I was cool as a cucumber until a week before the wedding, and then it all sort of crashed in on me that this was it-- my wedding. I had to make tons of last-minute decisions, work on pulling together a zillion details, and I didn’t get any peace because my loving and supportive family and friends were constantly asking how they could help, and had I decided about x tiny detail yet, and who was going to be where when, and so on. It was exhausting. And then the rehearsal was an utter disaster from beginning to end and the rehearsal dinner was moved to my parent’s house when rain prevented the beach cookout we’d planned.

But you know what? It is all temporary. She will be the level-headed, smart and stable woman you know and love once again, when all’s said and done. I have only hazy memories of the rehearsal dinner because at that point, I was utterly shot. But I woke up the day of the wedding blissful, happy and serene. The ceremony was lovely and I’ve heard again and again that the reception was blast (and it was for us, definitely). Sure, a couple of things went wrong. My young candle-lighters had trouble getting the candles lit, and other small things happened but as others have said, it’s the things that don’t go as planned that make the best stories, and ones you and your soon-to-be-wife will love to tell.

We get mileage like you wouldn’t believe out of that rehearsal of ours, and laugh till we cry.

#18

Wow! Thanks folks… I’m sorry I didn’t post back a couple hours ago but I’ve been swamped…

One very good thing I’m about to tell my fiance is that I booked our Honeymoon today… She gave me a few suggestions and then said surprise her… So I wheeled and deals a bit and got her dream honeymoon. Without sounding seriously sappy. We are going on a two week excursion to a small tree-top resort and spa…all inclusive in Costa Rica…Yes I said Tree Top the spa is on the top of the canope in the Monteverde preserve. Private, quite, very romanitc. Then we fly up to another all inclusive resort off the coast of Belize. Basically we get our wristbands and don’t have to pay for a thing. :slight_smile: I hope that relaxes her.

The main stay has been timing. she is very concerned about the timing. I tell her over and over that we will be fine, the tuxes are ready, the dress is all set, the brides maids are all set…It’s fine.

The reception sight is the same as the ceremony. We are getting married in an art gallery…one really neat thing we are doing:
We found out what show will be up in October. There is a maritime landscape theme and a black and white photo theme. So we have a large 24X36

#19

Wow! Thanks folks… I’m sorry I didn’t post back a couple hours ago but I’ve been swamped…

One very good thing I’m about to tell my fiance is that I booked our Honeymoon today… She gave me a few suggestions and then said surprise her… So I wheeled and deals a bit and got her dream honeymoon. Without sounding seriously sappy. We are going on a two week excursion to a small tree-top resort and spa…all inclusive in Costa Rica…Yes I said Tree Top the spa is on the top of the canope in the Monteverde preserve. Private, quite, very romanitc. Then we fly up to another all inclusive resort off the coast of Belize. Basically we get our wristbands and don’t have to pay for a thing. :slight_smile: I hope that relaxes her.

The main stay has been timing. she is very concerned about the timing. I tell her over and over that we will be fine, the tuxes are ready, the dress is all set, the brides maids are all set…It’s fine.

The reception sight is the same as the ceremony. We are getting married in an art gallery…one really neat thing we are doing:
We found out what show will be up in October. There is a maritime landscape theme and a black and white photo theme. So we have a large 24X36 black and white engagement photo taken of us in Sedona, Arizona (where we were engaged) and we are going to non-chalantly put that up and not tell anyone. Hopefully people will see it.

As for Mr.Lieu, emmm, that will not be happening at our wedding. However, I have heard a similar story where the bride placed a photo of the groom and bridesmaid under each person’s chair…the photo was of then in a certain position expressed soley by numbers. Then she said F.U. and went on her honey moon alone…

We won’t have those kinds of problems I’ll assure everyone. We my brother and sister are taking care of most of the details. i.e. check at the end of the night, crowd control etc…etc…

I just hope her blood pressure goes down before hand! Thanks again for all the comments… Keep’em coming!

#20

Actually, I worked a wedding reception while I was in college which took place at a fancy hotel.
During the course of said event, the best man decided that it was now appropriate to inform the groom that he’d diddled the bride a week before the wedding.
Did I mention that it was a huge Fraternity/Sorority affair and a number of members of the wedding party were totally inebriated?
A brawl ensued, the bride was escorted out in hysterics and no one ever claimed the enormous wedding cake.

Best of luck-** Antiquarian** and remember, no matter what happens, it can’t possibly be as bad as the situations that lieu and I described.