Help me calm down about my upcoming wedding

In My Humble Opinion
1

So I’ve got 25 days to go. And yes, I know the current meme is that guys can just sit there and let the bride-to-be do everything, but ensuring that things go smoothly is my responsibility too.

I went through the phase where all the big things were done - reception hall was booked, vendors picked, clothing obtained - ahh… those were good times. Now I’m to the part where all the little things are hanging out there:

[ul]
[li]The RSVP due date is in 4 days, and we’ve yet to receive 40%! Is it that hard to drop a pre-addressed, pre-stamped envelope in the mail?[/li][li]I’ve had to tell my side of the wedding party where and when to appear dozens of times.[/li][li]Trying to juggle the seating chart makes my hair stand on edge.[/li][li]This list contains more than 2 native items, so any references to Opal are null and void, except in jurisdictions which require said references.[/li][li]Picking songs for first dance, parents’ dances, etc.[/li][li]All of the really small things that seem to take way longer than required.[/li][/ul]As such, I’ve found myself biting my nails and grinding my teeth, two nervous habits I thought I had overcome. I’m also having trouble sleeping and smoking more than normal.

So what did you do in situations like this?

2

…and double posting. :smiley:

3

We eloped.

Good luck.

4

Obviously you must be excited, since you double-posted this thread! :smiley:

I can’t tell you much to calm down except for a few things:

Worrying and stuff isn’t going to make it better.
If you’re a habitual worrier, this will not help you.
Things are bound to go wrong.
This is OK, it’s a wedding, it’s happy times.

Other than that, good luck!

5

I guess you’re nervous…you posted the thread twice. :slight_smile:

It’ll be fine. Keeping your bride from flying off the handle should be more than enough of a job. I don’t know why, but it seems like ten days before a wedding, brides turn into bridezillas. It’s the stress.

Take a deep breath, remind yourself it will be over, and do something to distract yourself. Play a mindless game online. Go for a walk. Take a drive. But get away from the stuff that’s frustrating you every so often.

Don’t worry. You’ll be great. And congratulations.

6

Tempting to just yell out something pointless and immature like…

Sucks to be you! Bwahahah!

But fortunately I am above that.

I’m not sure there’s much to be done to make it better, but I think you will find that once you’re married the sensation of it all being over and with the woman you love will make that all go away. You’ll probably look on the time fondly (or maybe not and it will sit there to remind you of why you had better stay married because you never want to have to go through that again :stuck_out_tongue: ) But anyways, I wish you both the bost.

7

Blame that one on the hamsters! They’re out to get me! :eek:

8

I just want to tell you: all of this is normal, and none of it is a sign of impending disaster.

The most important thing is that you’ll be married after this is over. The second most important is to get through it and still be speaking to the majority of your family and friends. Everything else is details. All the propaganda from the wedding industry (aren’t they even more evil than the tobacco companies?) to the contrary, those are the most important things to get right about your wedding, not flowers, music, favors for the guests, tablecloths that match the bridesmaids’ dresses, and all that.

Yeah, you’ll have to harass some of them to find out if they’re coming. That always happens.

We provided an email address as well, for people like us who are disorganized and rarely use snail mail. We still had to hassle people.

And you’ll have to do it dozens more. Again, that’s normal.

Don’t forget to tell them to turn off their cell phones, OR ELSE, during the rehearsal and the wedding. I got pretty peeved at my now-BIL for answering his cell phone during the rehearsal.

Don’t worry too much. I doubt anyone could tell you what the songs for those dances were at my wedding (3 years ago) or my sister’s wedding (1 year ago). I don’t even remember, with one exception:

I wanted the DJ to play “When I’m Sixty-Four” early in the reception, in honor of my dad, who was 64 and had been married to my mom for 40 years. It wasn’t planned as a father-daughter dance, but it turned into one.

It’s not a disaster if you don’t get a memorable song for any of those dances.

They always do.

And remember: something is going to go wrong at your wedding. It’s just the way it is. But, try to remember, panicking, hysterics, and blowing up at someone rarely help the situation and usually make it worse, whatever it might be. Do try to stay calm (that’s why there are bars at weddings :wink: ).

Bought a huge bottle of Tums (the stress gave me an acid stomach) and ate them like candy for a couple of months before the wedding.

9

Just accept that something’s going to go wrong. If you do that, it’s much easier to cope with them when they do go wrong.

(For a funny story, my grandma lost her teeth the day before the wedding. We got her into an emergency dentist who fitted her with temps the day OF the wedding, so every pic we have from the rehearsal dinner and luncheon the day before the wedding, she’s missing teeth. My aunts and uncles were totally panicked; but I, as the bride, found it hilarious, and my grandma was proud of her missing teeth. I didn’t care if she had teeth; after all of her health problems that year, I was just happy she was there.)

Don’t stress. At the end, what’s important is that you’re married.

Good luck to you!

E.

10

As long as you’re actually married by the end of the day, things will go OK! That’s the important thing. Everything else is just icing on the wedding cake.

You will get the seating chart done, you will get all the music you need, and you will get enough RSVPs to plan it all out. While it may seem like all these little things are piling up, they’re really not huge things if you take them one at a time.

In the end, the small details won’t make or break your wedding unless you let them. Have fun, relax, and don’t panic if something goes wrong. Laugh it off and enjoy your wedding. IMO, too many people get so caught up in the small details of planning and the expectation that everything has to go perfectly for it to be a good wedding.

11
  1. The majority of people don’t RSVP. It’s an unfortunate fact of life. If you absolutely need a head count, you’re going to have to appoint relatives on each side to call around and get a firm yes or no from people. Usually that would be the mother of the groom, but my sister did it for my brother’s wedding.
  2. Do you have a sibling or uncle/aunt who’s good at riding herd on less-clueful members of the family?
  3. Can’t help you there.
  4. Yeah, hi Opal.
  5. Again, can’t help you. Your DJ or band should have suggestions if you’re totally without inspiration. There are standards that are cheesy which go over well for the parents’ dances. Just please don’t choose “Friends in Low Places” for the wedding party dance.
  6. Yes, they do. That’s why I tell people to elope.
12

Tequila

13

Just remember that NO ONE NOTICES WHAT GOES WRONG. Seriously. They’re there to see you get married, not evaluate the timing of who comes in when and whatnot.

Also, if anything does go noticably wrong (which is highly unlikely) it will add to the charm of the event and their own empathy with you. Just run with it.

The RSVP thing is very typical and totally aggravating. The general rule of thumb is to assume that a third of your invitees will not come. You can pretty safely rely on that number.

14

Ah, yes. Alcohol. Both the cause and the solution to all our problems. :wink:

15

Tequila is probably what got him to the point of asking the future Mrs. dasgupta to marry him. It’s only fair tequila atone for its transgressions.

16

The best advice we got is the advice I hand out to other folks getting married.

Decide on three or four things that you would like people to remember about your wedding. You’ll fail, of course–nobody remembers three or four things about someone else’s wedding. But decide anyway what you want to try for.

We decided on food, location, and music.

Put a fair amount of energy into getting these three or four things right.

For everything else, your mantra is, “Fuck it!” Do the bare minimum necessary to keep these other things from becoming memorable.

For example, table napkins. Don’t put a roll of paper towels on each table; folks will remember that. But if you put decent paper napkins at each place setting, nobody will remember whether they’re the same color as the bridesmaids’ dresses. Fuck it. Have someone pick up paper napkins from the store.

Flowers: send someone down to the farmer’s market a week before the wedding and suss things out, maybe make an agreement with a farmer to have some good stuff for you the next week. Pick up flowers then.

Clothes: who cares if the bridesmaids aren’t wearing identical dresses? I mean really, who gives a crap? As long as they’re not showing up in ratty jeans, nobody cares. Let them choose their own clothes. While you’re at it, let them choose their own hairstyle and makeup.

All this stuff that seems so vital to get exactly right? It ain’t vital. Nobody’s gonna notice it. Choose the stuff you do want them to notice, get that right, and let the rest be chill.

Daniel

17

In my experience, this is patently false. We had over 90% RSVP, and I’ve never been involved in a wedding that didn’t have at least a 75% response rate.

18

I just got married a few months ago. It was a low-key wedding, held in a park (no booze) and it seems to have worked, we’re still married. Just for the record, I didn’t have restaurant for the rehersal dinner until 2 weeks before the event.

We estimated the guest count and didn’t worry to much about the RSVPs. Most everyone we expected to attend showed up and we had enough chairs and food for everyone. The things that went wrong were not we expected, so we just didn’t worry about them. My bride decided early on not to let anything ruin the wedding and we went with that.

In our case, the bride arrived 20 minutes after the ceremony was supposed to start, the caterer was dead on time (food was ready before we were) and my good friend that was making the cake got the date wrong and never showed at all. We just happened to have some cupcakes for the kids, so our wedding pictures have my bride and I biting into the same cupcake. A bit strange, but I won’t forget it.

The only other odd thing was the port-a-john company didn’t bother to pick up the toilet that day and kept calling during our honeymoon to get the park unlocked. I could do nothing about it, as we weren’t in the same state by then.

19

Ooo, I’ve got a great lawyer you can call about the pre-nup. Don’t get anxious about his credentials; they’re impeccable.

what?

20

Heartily agree with all of the posters who said: Assume that a couple of tiny things will go wrong, because they will, no matter how much you plan.

Focus on the fact that no matter what else, by the end of the day, you’ll be married to the person you love. Meditate on it. It’s remarkable how unimportant everything else starts to seem.

My wife couldn’t find the rings on my wedding day. Looked all morning and just could not find them. They finally turned up right before the ceremony, but even if they hadn’t, what’s the use in stressing about it? You’re getting married; everything else is just details.

The other snafu of my wedding, just because it’s funny: we were told that the DJ wouldn’t play entrance music at the reception, but he did-- the NFL football theme. Even though my wife and I don’t like football. Everyone was extremely puzzled to say the least. :slight_smile: