Help me calm down about my upcoming wedding

In My Humble Opinion
21

Wow, thanks for all the replies.

[Quote=SnakesCatLady]
We eloped.

Good luck.
[/QUOTE]
Seems like a better idea each day :wink:

[QUOTE=Anaamika]
Worrying and stuff isn’t going to make it better.
If you’re a habitual worrier, this will not help you.
Things are bound to go wrong.
This is OK, it’s a wedding, it’s happy times.

Other than that, good luck!
[/QUOTE]
Unfortunately, I am a habitual worrier, so there’s not much I can do, but knowing this is normal is good. Thanks :slight_smile:

[QUOTE=Maureen]
Take a deep breath, remind yourself it will be over, and do something to distract yourself. Play a mindless game online. Go for a walk. Take a drive. But get away from the stuff that’s frustrating you every so often.

Don’t worry. You’ll be great. And congratulations.
[/QUOTE]
Now these are some ideas I can get behind… something to distract myself. And thanks.

[QUOTE=Anne Neville]
I just want to tell you: all of this is normal, and none of it is a sign of impending disaster.

The most important thing is that you’ll be married after this is over. The second most important is to get through it and still be speaking to the majority of your family and friends. Everything else is details.
[/QUOTE]
Normal is good. Eyes on the prize.

[QUOTE=D_Odds]
Tequila is probably what got him to the point of asking the future Mrs. dasgupta to marry him. It’s only fair tequila atone for its transgressions.
[/QUOTE]
I can really get behind this idea :wink: Oddly enough, I’m still not sure if the liquor helped or harmed my attempt to speak her native language.

And to anyone not specifically quoted, thank you again :slight_smile:

22

Left Hand of Dorkness has already shared our Fuck It mantra (which I can’t recommend highly enough), so let me offer something else that also worked for us. Delegate. You have a best man, yes? Put him in charge of telling your side what to do. Your fiancee has a sister? Put her in charge of the seating chart. It requires you to give up some control, but it works.

Hell, I’ll pick out your songs for you. First dance: Willie Nelson’s “Love You All Over the World.” Parents’ dance: Nat King Cole’s “Unforgettable.”

And congratulations!

23

Congratulations!!!

I concur — just focus on the fact that you’re getting married. In the end that’s all that matters.

Delegate as much as you can - friends, best man, whatever, whoever…

I tend to get overwhelmed by a long list of things to do and start freaking out at the sheer volume. So – I make a list, prioritize it, and literally just work my way down the list (or only 2 or 3 things max at a time). If it hasn’t reached the top of the list yet - it’s not on my radar.

(I’m trying this approach now with my pregnancy… impending Labor & Delivery??? what??? not at the top of my list yet… :slight_smile: )

24

[QUOTE=dasgupta]
Normal is good. Eyes on the prize.
[/QUOTE]

And remember- a normal wedding is one that goes well, except for a few minor things going wrong (which are funny later). It’s easy to start thinking that something major going wrong is normal, especially if you read wedding-horror-story sites or boards, or if you watch TV shows about weddings gone wrong or Bridezillas.

I agree with the “Fuck it” mantra. You aren’t going to make everything perfect- just try for “good enough”.

25

You’re doomed! Doomed, I say!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

We eloped, so I get great pleasure in watching the torments of others who aren’t that prepared. :smiley:

26

[QUOTE=silenus]
You’re doomed! Doomed, I say!

[/QUOTE]

Hey, I thought it was my turn to say that.

27

To give a serious answer, my wife and I planned our wedding, to which we invited something like 150 people, with about 120 attending, completely, and I mean completely soup-to-nuts, together. She did a bit more of the labor, but that came with the bride territory, given the traditional theme, and both of us worked our asses off putting it together. If I do say so myself, we had a magnificent service, and threw one Hell of a party afterward. Those in attendance who we see regularly are still raving about it, which makes us very happy and proud.

Hey, in hindsight, it was wonderful. The memories grow fonder with each day that separates us from now and the time we had our noses to the grindstone. Planning literally ran up to about mignight the night before. It was a fucking super bitch, and if by some grave misfortune I must marry again, you can be damned certain I’m aloping.

But what a party! I don’t regret it for one second, but I’ll never, ever do it again. Sorry: My experience was to do it right is to suffer. Either that, or pay mondo bucks to hire a wedding planner. Life will suck until the I-dos, but afterward it will all seem worth it. I hear the same thing about giving birth.

28

[QUOTE=sishoch]
We just happened to have some cupcakes for the kids, so our wedding pictures have my bride and I biting into the same cupcake. A bit strange, but I won’t forget it.
[/QUOTE]

Heck, I planned that for my wedding. With a cake topper made out of Lego!

Actually, I didn’t plan that cake. My wife and I delegated that, and refused to issue any guidance on the matter. Weddings are a whole lot more fun when you run them like a business event. During the initial meeting to assign duties, during the run-up, and on the day of the event itself, my brother had one job: to tell people “It’s just a fucking party!”

And yes, it says that on the Agenda.

29

[QUOTE=Maureen]
Take a deep breath, remind yourself it will be over, and do something to distract yourself. Play a mindless game online. Go for a walk. Take a drive. But get away from the stuff that’s frustrating you every so often.
[/QUOTE]

Note: If the bride-to-be is just as tightly strung and nervous, do not do any of these things where she can notice, subsequently determine that you’re shirking responsibility to have fun, and subsequently start an argument that you’re not serious about the wedding.

30

[QUOTE=Anne Neville]
I just want to tell you: all of this is normal, and none of it is a sign of impending disaster.

The most important thing is that you’ll be married after this is over. The second most important is to get through it and still be speaking to the majority of your family and friends. Everything else is details. All the propaganda from the wedding industry (aren’t they even more evil than the tobacco companies?) to the contrary, those are the most important things to get right about your wedding, not flowers, music, favors for the guests, tablecloths that match the bridesmaids’ dresses, and all that. snip
[/QUOTE]
I came in here to say exactly this. Of course, I would have had a ton of typos, so I’m glad Anne Neville beat me to it. :slight_smile: I completely agree that the wedding industry is a force of evil. I kept asking people things like, “do I have to have my own silver engraved cake server? I don’t get it!” (answer: you don’t. Unless you plan to create the “wedding shrine” later.)

Of course you’re stressed – you want a perfect day. But really, you do what you can, and when the day arrives, just sit back and relax. At that point, what happens, happens. And not all of it will be good – I had one of the groomsmen leave during the ceremony (too much to drink the night before, early morning wedding), my (at the time) 2 year old niece took his place because she couldn’t stand to be away from her father, who was also a groomsman, and my husband to be almost threw up on the altar (he was with his brother the night before). We got to the reception hall and they told me they didn’t have meals for the band or the photographer. But all those people that cancelled out at the last minute? At least I was able to use those meals – and everybody got fed!

Congratualtions and best of luck to you and your wife-to-be!

31

Here’s a seemingly minor word of advice about the choice of songs for “first dance” and so on: although you should delegate this to the best man or a member of the wedding party to actually pursue, remind him to actually, verbally confirm with the DJ, if you have one, that he actually, physically has each song.

I’ve been to a wedding where the bridezilla picked out a relatively common song everyone knows for her Sacred First Dance With Daddy, and yet no one actually confirmed that the DJ had brought it. The wedding coordinator made an on-the-fly decisoin to substitute another song…I mean, what else was there to do? The Bridezilla and Daddy were coming out onto the dance floor and the somg she wanted just wasn’t available. We signaled to the bride as best we could, but when the music started and it wasn’t the specially chosen song, the only song that would do, she stopped dancing and had a meltdown right there with all eyes (and video cams) on her and Daddy.

A. I hope you’re not marrying one of those, but

B. Do what you can to head it off by making sure of this detail in advance.

Sailboat

32

[QUOTE=Anaamika]
Hey, I thought it was my turn to say that.
[/QUOTE]
Did you remember to take a number when you entered the thread? We’re only on number 21. 21! 21 next! :stuck_out_tongue:

[QUOTE=Loopydude]
But what a party! I don’t regret it for one second, but I’ll never, ever do it again. Sorry: My experience was to do it right is to suffer. Either that, or pay mondo bucks to hire a wedding planner. Life will suck until the I-dos, but afterward it will all seem worth it. I hear the same thing about giving birth.
[/QUOTE]
And suffer I shall. But it seems like a concensus to find a member on each side of the party (someone reliable? That leaves out the Best Man) and delegate.

[QUOTE=Barbarian]
With a cake topper made out of Lego!
[/QUOTE]
Ha! Great idea. I was thinking something like this, but it might be a little too close to home to be funny. :smiley:

[QUOTE=Only Mostly Dead]
If the bride-to-be is just as tightly strung and nervous, do not do any of these things where she can notice, subsequently determine that you’re shirking responsibility to have fun, and subsequently start an argument that you’re not serious about the wedding.
[/QUOTE]
I knew I was forgetting something… that’s some seriously good advice.

So tomorrow I’m off to Long Island to meet with the minister, DJ, get the rings engraved and she’s getting a trial hair run. How I long for the times of last weekend at the bachelor party :wink:

And thanks again for the well wishes :slight_smile:

33

Can I recommend a first dance song? This is the one I used, and I love it still. Everytime I think of the words, I know it was the right choice for us. Of course, we took dance lessons and practiced and practiced so we wouldn’t just stand there and sway. But the band didn’t play the CD, they sang the song, so the tempo was a little off. And then one of my shoes (a strappy sandal, and I wore this pair to *every single dance lesson * without incident) fell off and I couldn’t get it back on. Our first dance degenerated into just us doubled over laughing. (Yet another example of how all the planning in the world doesn’t really matter.)

34

If your bride is a reasonable, modest young lady who is marrying you because you truly are the love of her life, she will accept whatever happens with equanimity and humor. You can do nothing but hope for the best and enjoy the celebration of what will almost surely be one of the most important and fortuitous days of your life. Be careful to not drink too much.

If, on the other hand, she is a self-absorbed princess as described in another thread on this board, she will hold you personally and loudly responsible for every minor glitch that occurs. You can do nothing but hope for the best and endure what will almost surely be one of the longest and most miserable days of your life. Drink heavily and start early.

Either way, there is simply nothing more you can do. It’s supposed to be about the marriage, not the wedding.

And if you don’t drink, find another way to achieve an artificially altered mental state. Seriously.

35

[QUOTE=Only Mostly Dead]
Note: If the bride-to-be is just as tightly strung and nervous, do not do any of these things where she can notice, subsequently determine that you’re shirking responsibility to have fun, and subsequently start an argument that you’re not serious about the wedding.
[/QUOTE]

Good point. What you should do is wait for an opportune moment when the bride to be is ready to disembowel her mother (she’ll want to, trust me) and tell her “honey, why don’t we get away from this for a while?” That way you can take her with you and you get brownie points for being sensitive to the fact that she’s ready to snap. :wink:

36

[QUOTE=dasgupta]
Did you remember to take a number when you entered the thread? We’re only on number 21. 21! 21 next! :stuck_out_tongue:

[/QUOTE]

:frowning: Waa. looks at her number 547
Anyway, I think you’ll be fine. If she is as kind as she sounds, then everything will be a happy memory. And remember, you’re an adult - even if everyone around you isn’t. Laugh it off!

All the best.

37

[QUOTE=Loopydude]
Life will suck until the I-dos, but afterward it will all seem worth it. I hear the same thing about giving birth.
[/QUOTE]
I think you got that backwards. :cool:

38

Sex. Hot monkey sex with your betrothed.

39

[QUOTE=Sunrazor]
If your bride is a reasonable, modest young lady who is marrying you because you truly are the love of her life, she will accept whatever happens with equanimity and humor. You can do nothing but hope for the best and enjoy the celebration of what will almost surely be one of the most important and fortuitous days of your life. Be careful to not drink too much.

If, on the other hand, she is a self-absorbed princess as described in another thread on this board, she will hold you personally and loudly responsible for every minor glitch that occurs. You can do nothing but hope for the best and endure what will almost surely be one of the longest and most miserable days of your life. Drink heavily and start early.

Either way, there is simply nothing more you can do. It’s supposed to be about the marriage, not the wedding.

And if you don’t drink, find another way to achieve an artificially altered mental state. Seriously.
[/QUOTE]
Fortunately she’s your first type and doesn’t resemble those other brides in the slightly. I suppose that could change as the wedding nears, though.

I’ll just have to make sure she understands all of this before hand.

[QUOTE=Quarz]
Sex. Hot monkey sex with your betrothed.
[/QUOTE]
I like this suggestion.

40

[QUOTE=dasgupta]

I knew I was forgetting something… that’s some seriously good advice.
[/QUOTE]

A lesson hard-learned from a newly married man with a wife under ridiculous amounts of stress.

Heed well my words. Seriously.