A board with a nail in it. Apply favorite poison for lethal effects. Build a much larger one in space to skewer entire planets.
I would like the planet Betelgeuse and a ship with an Improbability Drive.
Uh, please.
Ok, I’ll give away the secret to dominate me.
Surround me with gorgous women who will do my bidding.
Do that and I’ll do anything you say.
I’m worried that this is too obvious. As whole urban areas burst into flame with no apparent cause, except for the bright beam coming from the sky, it will be too vulnerable.
And I did look at that website, but it really seems to cater to established World Dictators looking to augment their tools of oppressions. Upstarts like me have different needs.
A friend an I came up with a similar idea during the First Gulf War, except we planned to parachute drop tens of thousand of Buicks, with a note pinned to the steering wheel, “You can exit the country peacefully if you drive out in one of these. Free fill up at the border”.
My momma often told me that if an offer from a World Dictator sounds too good to be true, it probably is too good to be true.
I’ve never considered using duct tape for evil (other than hostage gags, of course). There seems to be an inherent goodness about it. Given this will be my ONLY ultimate weapon for a while, it just seems a chancy choice.
So, I’m supposed to kill everyone on earth stupid enough to drink love potion, leaving only the smart people to oppose me? I don’t think so.
Great idea! This is definitely on the short list. Please, email me the plans.
Are you female and over 18? Because at this stage in my career in World Domination, charges of pedophilia or statutory rape could stop me in my tracks. Assuming it’s completely legal to dominate and abuse you, please, send me a pic. Are you near Madison?
Secretly I’ve been thinking that something like this is the best answer. I even came up with the plan for its first use. Program the world population to believe that I am their sole creditor. Every single time anyone writes a check to pay a bill, they will write it out to me. Soon, I have all the money, and I can foreclose on the world.
Yeah, well, she’s been trying to dominate the world since 1995, and as far as I can tell, she only dominates a couple of websites. She can be my minister of communication.
WHO TOLD YOU THE PLAN?!!
For all of you suggesting some kind of sex-based weapon, I really can’t afford to ignore half the population. The heterosexual females NOT affected by a weapon like this could tear me apart.
But it does make me wonder whether some kind of orgasm beam could be developed. If it worked on both sexes, it would be a great thing, even if I later went into another profession, like whore, maybe. 
I don’t see what’s wrong with a good, old-fashioned “death star.”
What you’re looking for is the medium range FornitCo “Hang-Nail Beam” ™. Just the threat of causing massive hang-nail eruptions on whomever you chose, would force people to their knees begging to be spared.
please contact your local FornitCo rep for pricing and availability.
I think you’ve dismissed this too easily. Consider, for example, a refinement of my own suggestion: A large pair of breasts, plus SHOE SALE written across them. You’ll bring the world to its knees.
We had a discussion a short while back in which “efficient” vs. “stylish” methods of world domination were debated. Personally, I came down hard on the “stylish” side… since you will almost certainly be defeated by some hero-type, no matter what method you use, you might as well have fun with the quest.
With this in mind, I have to argue against the various mind-control devices proposed. Mind-control is certainly effective, but it’s DULL: “Obey me!” “Uh, okay, dude.”
You’ll recall the old Marvel comics story in which it was revealed that Doctor Doom had secretly conquered the world by filling the atmosphere with “neuro-mist”. Doom was so bored, as a result, that he had to give Magneto the antidote, just so somebody would give him some sort of challenge.
Since you currently have no legions of terror, anyway, I suggest an army of genetically-engineered super-soldiers, raised from birth to be loyal to you, and with control chips in their brains.
These super-powered warriors, as a group, will be the equal of any doomsday cannon, able to devastate cities and massacre millions. As individuals, they will be able to perform infiltration and espionage missions, or serve as your personal bodyguards.
They will provide you with many weeks of thrilling battles, explosions, torturings… killing your enemies, driving them before you, and hearing the lamentations of their women!
In keeping with Cervaise’s excellent “psy-ops” policy, these warriors should all be sexy, large-breasted women.
But be careful… after creating an army of sexy women who are totally obedient to you, you might find your world conquest plans gathering dust in the file cabinet! 