Please identify yourself more clearly before sending me a friend request (lame)

So you’re 42 years old, and you’ve just discovered Facebook. You signed up and immediately searched for other Facebook members you went to school with, and you promptly started sending them friend requests. I was one of those people you sent a request to.

I need to ask you a favor. Before you start sending out friend requests, how about providing some identifying information beyond your name and the fact that we graduated high school together. For example, maybe at least post a photo of yourself on your profile? In fact, fill out your whole profile before you start sending friend requests. Facebook also provides a nice little text box in which you can type a short message to be sent along with with your friend request. So if you somehow remember me from high school, you can type a little reminder of how you remember me. For example, “Hey, I was in Mr. So-and-so’s math class with you!”

You see, though we graduated the same year from the same school, I only attended that school for that one year. Before Senior year, I lived on the other side of the state. We didn’t grow up together. So I had a brief span of about eight or nine months out of my 42 years on this Earth in which I may have had a chance to meet you, and that was 25 years ago. Unfortunately, a few short months in a highly structured environment like high school did not allow me the opportunity to meet and personally get to know all 300+ students in our graduating class. For example, it wasn’t until the school-sponsored graduation party that I discovered that there were four Japanese foreign exchange students graduating with us. In a 99% white school (there were 2 black kids - twin brother and sister - and I think three Mexicans in my graduating class) you’d think they would stand out, but I somehow never laid eyes on them until that night. So unless I had reason to personally interact with your [presumably] white ass on multiple occasions, I’m afraid I’m not going to remember you. Even if we had a class together, I probably don’t remember you unless it was a class that facilitated a lot of student interaction, like band class.

I’m pleased to imagine that I somehow did something during those few short months to make such a memorable impression on you that you remember me 25 years later, but I accept that it’s more likely that you either found my name in the list returned when you searched for “Wenatchee High School 1984”, or you spotted my name on a mutual friend’s Friend List and that’s the only reason you sent the Friend Request. So please don’t be offended when I don’t approve your request. I simply have no idea who the hell you are.

And for the ladies: Maybe I did know you very well in high school. Maybe I even went out with you once or twice, or at least had the hots for you. But I’m afraid I haven’t carefully followed the wedding announcements in the newspaper for the last 25 years. When you send your friend requests, could you perhaps include your maiden name? I’m afraid I knew several Tracys and Jennifers and Susans and Megans and C/Kathys. Thank you for posting several recent photos of yourself on your profile. But you look … different … now, and the photos don’t always help. Also, if you have one of those names like Tracy or Chris or Pat that can be either male or female, and your only profile photo is of you and your husband/partner/SO, do me the favor of pointing out who is who. Otherwise I’m now staring at both of you trying to figure out which person in the photo I might actually know and thus might have sent the friend request. (Yes, I’ve gotten a couple like this where the profile shows a Relationship Status of “Married” or “In a Relationship”, but the person hasn’t filled in their sex. And one, under the “Interested In” field, said "Men, Women; so the person was apparently bisexual, hadn’t indicated his/her own sex, and posed with his/her opposite-sex partner without identifying which person was him/her.)

In the time it took you to type this rant, you could have copy-pasted about 35 friend requests with the reply, “I’m sorry, I don’t seem to remember you; your profile doesn’t have enough information, and it’s been awhile. Can you please remind me know we know each other.”

But how fun is that?

More fun than it was for us to read the whole OP?

I received a friend request the other day from someone I don’t think I know. I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t want to ask “…and how do we know each other?”

He included a picture, but I don’t recognize him, or the name. So yes, a little note explaining how you think you may know someone would be ever so helpful.

Bahh! You win!


I’m a member of SparkPeople, and it’s a bit unnerving to get e-mails that such and such has added you as a friend and I have no idea why. Are we on the same SparkTeam? Did one of my blog entries have a special meaning for you? Did you come over from SDMB? Did I talk to you about it in IRL? I mean, I’m glad you wanted to friend me, but I’d like to know how you know me.

I asked my kids about it, getting Friend requests from people with no clue as to why, and they said it happens all the time. I try to friend people I’ve had some interaction with or send them an e-mail explaining why I added them as a friend.

This new-fangled social networking etiquette sure is confusing.

I get email from people on the SDMB, asking a question about their membership or whatever. I don’t mind that. However, if the email name is not the same as the screen name, and often it isn’t, then I have to go into the admin pages, and prod the search engine. Sometimes people write me from a work address when they registered from a home address, or vice versa. This means that I have to request more info. It’s not that I mind doing that, but the poster won’t get an answer until I have all the info.

I had to call tech support myself today. And before I called, I made very sure that I had all relevant info at hand. This meant that my call was taken care of in under 5 minutes, rather than taking 10 or more while I looked stuff up.

You should be happy she showed any interest, freak.

I get Facebook requests from people I don’t know and it confused me for a while until I realized that they belonged to one of the two SDMB groups on Facebook! So, I’m afraid that I may have denied some well-meaning dopers’ friend requests.:o

See, that’s my point. A few words of explanation, “Hi, I’m so-and-so over at SDMB, found you on Facebook” would go a long way.

Wanting photos, more info and maiden names–you’re taking all the fun out of it, man!

I just got a complete stranger’s request to be my friend on FB. I have no idea who this woman is, where she came from etc. I couldn’t even find that we had a group in common. I denied her request. That’s all it takes.
I didn’t know there were SDMB facebook groups. :smack: Hope she isn’t one of them (I can’t remember her name, but she doesn’t live near me; graduated from a different HS than I did, ten years after I graduated etc). Oh, well.

I just approved a guy I don’t know, because after perusing his profile I finally figured out why he sent me a request. We have a friend in common, we 're both Libertarians, and his birthday is the same as mine (though 22 years later).

Ah yes. It’s even more fun to get Facebook friend requests from people who you definately weren’t friends with in high school. Ones who, in fact, were as far opposite of friends as you can get.

“Um? Dude? Explain to me why again that you’d want to friend me after the things you used to say about me? And how’s your nose now after my other friend knocked you out for saying it?”

Yeah, the people from high school crawling out of the woodwork is annoying. More annoying is that many of them are still fawning over the “popular” girls by writing on their walls about how fabulous they look. We graduated 25 years ago…

This applies to real life, too. This is twice now that I’ve been run into by people who knew me in high school who made friendly overtures. I’m like, “Do you remember you hated my guts, thought I was a complete nerd and loser, and basically refused to have anything to do with me except for calling me a fag, which by the way you were right about?”

What the OP said. Also what Lynn said; nobody who e-mails me about my message board has ever deigned to include their screen name so I can actually deal with their issue.

I recently joined FaceBook too, and received a friend request from a man who says in his profile that he went to the same high school as me, but I don’t remember him. So I checked my yearbook, and the only person in it with his last name is a girl. Hmmm…

I have another complaint: women who use a wedding photo as their profile pic. I’ll cut some slack to women married less than a year, but beyond that? Blech. I thought of this because an acquaintance is using a wedding pic. They’ve been married for about 12 years.

Facebook drives me nuts this way, too. Even worse than the “who are you in this picture?” photos are the ones of somebody’s kids. Let’s see…it’s been ten years since our last high school reunion, and your kids look to be seven and four. We don’t live in the same town. Am I somehow supposed to recognize your genetic material?

I figure they’re just friending everybody. If I don’t remember them, it’s unlikely that they remember me. I wasn’t that prominent in high school.

I just friended a Doper the other day. I saw him on the wall of a mutual FB friend and recognized the picture/name. I made sure to put in relevant info in the friend request.

There was a guy new to facebook who added me. I hadn’t seen him in 25 years since primary school (his brother is good friends with my step-brother which is how he found me). Not long after I accepted the request I received a couple messages asking me who this guy is that sent them a friend request. It appears he went through my friend list adding everyone in the same city and age without bothering to figure out if he actual knew them. I look at his page now and see the listing of the common friends and it’s clear that many also just accepted his request without bothering to figure out if they know him. If I don’t know the person I don’t accept the request or maybe I send a message to a mutual friend asking who they are.