Please Mr. Obama, PLEEEAAAASSSSEEEE!!!!!!!!!! An open letter...

In My Humble Opinion
1

Since I have it on good authority that Obama, just like Angelina Jolie and Richard Dawkins and Vincente Fox and Mario Lopez, is a frequent lurker (who may uncloack now that we’ve gone to free use) perhaps this will reach him:
PLEASE SIR, PLEASE:

I’m voting for you, enthusiastically, in this election. I’d donate my kidney tomorrow if somehow it would gain you 10,000 votes. I am passionate about this election moreso than any I’ve ever lived through. So please sir…

Take off the gloves. Take off the muzzles. Go after the Witch of Wasilla and Cap’n John “the Maverick” McCain (Bill for short) with both barrels blazing while Michelle and your supporters stand behind you and reload and pass you the new guns. Do not be nice.

Family off limits- that I can accept (unless they go after yours and open the door to that road), but anything else, blast them. I’m not asking for war crimes, but Omaha Beach is fine.

Launch ads showing all of the Witch of Wasilla’s scandals (the immediate beheadings she did when elected, the banning of books, the assuredness of her own divine mission). Bring up the Keating Five and every other damned skeleton McCain has in his not really closed closet. Fight them on the beaches, fight them on the landing grounds, fight in the fields and the streets, fight them in the hills.

Unleash Hillary and Bill and promise them any ambassadorship they want if they help you win. Give them ALASKA if they want it- for $7.1 million- that’s a profit above what we paid for it, if they’ll just unleash the Kraken that lurks within.

Palin delenda est. This woman is a monster. She is a thug. She is Agrippina to McCain’s Claudius and I’m guessing she’s already got the mushrooms simmering. President Palin is a prospect scarier to me than “we found a loophole for a Third Term for Bush”. I really don’t want to wear a pink triangle or be sent to a Christian reeducation camp in the Mojave.

Fight. I’ll send you as much as I can. I’ll pour some single barrel Jack Daniels into the glasses on my family shrine to beg my ancestors forgiveness for saying this, but say it I will:

WE NEED A SHERMAN, NOT A LEE. Scorch the Earth and make the Pubs howl.

Help me Obama. Win November. You’re our only hope.

Thank you for your time; you can now go back to discussing GILMORE GIRLS in Cafe Society.

As your people say, Salaam Aloha-

Jon

2

What the Dems need is some rich bastards who will do this.

Bush, technically, had nothing to do with the Swiftboaters, and you know what? I never saw a swiftboat ad. Only swing states get this treatment.

We need some super rich, utterly shameless, completly ruthless bastardos who will flat out make up anything about John McCain and Palin.
Not only is that austic baby her oldest daughter’s but the father is John McCain.

3

Should I make the open letter to Larry Flynt or to Michael Moore?

(I wonder if Larry Flynt would offer Bristol $2 million to pose naked and pregnant? He’d be breaking no laws at all…)

ETA: Shit! She’s underage isn’t she?

Offer the boyfriend $2 million to do gay porn maybe?

4

All you folks who have had Obama bullshit sprayed all over your Gmail accounts for the past year? You see how it works on your credulous kin? Payback- You have the rhetorical templates. Google has the records. Git 'er done!

5

Trig was switched at birth for a Down’s Syndrome baby… BECAUSE HER REAL BABY’S BLACK! (And Muslim.)

6

John McCain had conjugal visits with Jane Fonda at the Hanoi Hilton.

7

And fantasized about her dad in MY DARLIN’ CLEMENTINE the entire time.

8

In all seriousness, I do hope that Obama comes back at Agripalina and McClaudius with serious balls. A warning shot of “I will not tolerate another jab at my wife” for starters and then a point by point rebuttal of the lies in her speech.

9

Did you miss Sarah Palin’s speech? The one where she went after Michelle Obama?

Oh, and, ah, for that whole country first theme … dunno how much y’all are following things, but it seems the Palins were in bed not overlong ago with Alaska’s secessionist movement.

This whole election thing is gonna get really interesting.

10

I’ll thank you to stop insulting Witches by associating them with her.

:slight_smile:

11

She turns 18 in six weeks. October Surprise!

12

Moved to IMHO.

13

George Soros.

14

I give you William Jefferson Clinton.

Unleashed, he’s nasty as all hell.

15

Does anyone here read Hustler? I’m truly interested in what Larry Flint is saying about the race in general (and will probably pick up a copy to see what he says about Palin).

16

So the ends justify the means in your world?

17

You think he is too cheap to pay?

18

Only in the real world.

In my world, I am the president and Pam Dawber is my wife.

Oh and…

I saw goodwife Palin talking to the devil!

19

I saw Bristol Palin copulating with the devil!

Oh wait, that was Levi. Never mind.

20

I am trying (somewhat successfully, actually, this post notwithstanding) to avoid political threads but…

this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. If it wouldn’t wake the baby I’d be ROTFLMBOB off.

+1

:smiley:

BTW, should this thread be in the Pit or something?