Please sleep. Seriously. Sleep. (Parents, help!)

In My Humble Opinion
1

So ElzaHub and I thought we had it made when Baby B (currently 5 1/2 months old) started sleeping through the night at nine weeks old - 8 PM until 8 AM, every night. It was great. We shouldn’t have gotten so comfortable with that schedule.

About a month and a half ago, he started waking around 4-5 AM. Not great, but we could handle it - he usually ate and went right back to bed for a few more hours. Then he started waking earlier, sometimes around 1 AM - 2 AM. And over the past week and a half, things have completely deteriorated. He has been up no less than three times every night - and he wants to eat every single time.

Night before last looked like this:

7:15 - bedtime
9:30 - awake and hungry (he didn’t eat much before bed, so we fed him)
1:30 - awake - wanted to eat - had 4 oz
3:30 - awake - wanted to eat - had another 4 oz (then he ‘talked’ to himself for an hour before falling back asleep)
6:30 - awake - wanted to eat - another 4 oz.

Last night:

7:15 - bedtime (had a full bottle before bed)
11:30 - awake and hungry - had 4 oz
3:30 - awake and hungry - took 6 oz (again, he ‘talked’ for a little while before falling asleep)
He slept until 7:30 when I woke him up to go to the sitter’s, and she fed him when we got there around 8:15

We have tried rocking him back to sleep without a bottle every time he wakes up. He screams. We’ve tried a pacifier. He takes it, but wakes up the second he goes back in the crib and cries until we feed him.

I’m honestly at the point where I think he’s starting to think this is his schedule - and he’s not truly hungry, he’s waking up to eat because it’s habit.

We’ve had him on cereal for a few weeks, although not much (he loves oatmeal, but he had a reaction to it, so we’ve stopped, and he’s not overly thrilled with rice cereal), and have just started to add fruits and veggies. He will not take more formula if he’s not hungry, and has no problem pushing the bottle out of his mouth.

Every book I’ve read says if they nap well during the day, it’ll help with nighttime sleeping. Well, he naps great for his sitter - a 45 - 1 hour nap in the morning, and a 2 1/2 - 3 hour nap in the afternoon, and he’s still waking up constantly at night.

My sitter is fantastic, so we’re going to try a few things with her. She’s going to give him some cereal and fruit in the morning, and a veggie and fruit in the afternoon to see if he’s just going through a growth spurt and needs more to eat.

She also suggested that instead of giving him formula when he wakes up, we give him water, and if he’s only waking out of habit, he might realize it’s not worth it for the water (I am NOT worried about the water affecting his formula intake - he definitely gets enough during the day).

Any other suggestions? I will not let him cry - I just can’t do it - my whole body tenses up when it’s ElzaHub’s turn to get up with him, and he cries longer than a minute or two - I have to get out of bed and help. But I’m open to ANY other suggestions on getting him to sleep better.

Thanks…I’m turning into a zombie during the day.

E.

2

Can’t you get one of those gerbil watering things, fill it with formula and hang it on the crib?? :wink:

3

If you want to know the truth, that’s not sounding like a bad idea right now :stuck_out_tongue: :smiley: .

E.

4

I’m betting he’s either going through a growth spurt or he’s about to make a developmental leap (he’s going to figure out how to sit up or whatever his next milestone is). I don’t have any real suggestions for you except to ride it out…one of these nights (very soon!!) he’ll skip one or both feeds and you’ll forget he ever tortured you like this. :slight_smile: Sucks, doesn’t it? I thought those 4 am wakings were going to kill me for awhile (except my baby decided he was up for the day).

5

I feel for you! Dweezil and Moon Unit both had really hideous sleep issues. We had to Ferberize Dweezil at 3 months old in sheer desperation as he simply NEVER slept unless he was latched on and nursing. When we Ferberized him we had a rough couple of nights… then he started sleeping longer, and his moods improved. Poor kid had been sleeping badly, then he would be cranky because he wasn’t getting the sleep he needed, then he couldn’t sleep because he was so irritable… a nasty vicious cycle that had me really convinced I’d ruined 3 lives (his, mine, and Typo Knig’s) by bringing this child into the world. Scary stuff.

I would definitely stop the formula feedings during the night. His tummy has gotten used to those, and now wakes him up with genuine hunger because it’s expecting something to eat then. Water only, if anything. May make for a few rough nights because he’s genuinely feeling hunger then, but once his body gets away from that expectation of food there’ll be less incentive to wake.

Unfortunately, you’ll almost certainly have to listen to some crying as you get him away from those habits. Keep the wakings as low-key as possible… go in and reassure him you’re there, but don’t talk any more than that, don’t turn lights on, etc.

Good luck. Both of my kids had longterm, lingering sleep issues (Moon Unit didn’t sleep through the night routinely until she was FOUR and Ferberizing did next-to-nothing for her; Dweezil slept through the night from 4 months to a year, then went back to multiple nightly awakenings until 2.5 years old) and it’s demoralizing, exhausting, and makes it quite clear why sleep deprivation is used as a torture method :frowning:

6

He has started sitting up on his own a little bit - he does that ‘leaning forward on his hands’ thing, and can sit up for about 5 minutes at a time now. I really hope that’s what it is, and he’ll figure it out and sleep better…we’re pretty miserable. I don’t even mind if he goes back to sleeping from 7 - 4 AM - one waking a night is pretty easy. It’s 3-4 wakings every night that’s killing us.

The other thing I’m worried about is overfeeding him. I know if he was still nursing, I’d just let him nurse and not worry about his intake (and I know friends who still nurse 2-3 times at night at this age), but I have a hard time doing that when I know exactly what he’s taking in every day. I know he won’t eat if he’s not hungry, but still…

E.

7

I feel your pain! Spencer is 9 months old and still sleeping with us. Frankly, I love it. But, I don’t want it to continue much longer. I read “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” by Mark Weisbluth, and it didn’t help at all. It’s basically a long treatise on why kids need sleep, and the only section on how to get them to go to sleep says “cry it out.” Point blank. Well, that’s not an option - I can’t stand it either.

So I just got “The No-Cry Sleep Solution” by Elizabeth Pantley. I’ve just barely started it, so I don’t know what the methods are, but it’s obviously NOT cry it out. :slight_smile:

I guess my only real thing to add to the thread is moral mommy support. Sleep issues are really rough and hard to deal with. They are the #1 thing that has made me wonder if the hospital will take him back. (He’s really cute!)

(((Elza)))

8

Mama Zappa, I’ve never read Ferber, but I’ll have to take a look at his books. I know he has to cry sometimes, I just can’t leave him alone in his crib to cry, you know? I’m hoping the water will help eliminate the need to eat 2-3 times at night, too - I know he can go all night, he did it for two months. We’ve tried just not feeding him, and he will howl until we do.

Avarie, someone else recommended the Healthy Sleep Habits book, but when I heard that it was basically a CIO kind of thing, I passed. We have the No Cry Sleep Solution, and have been slowly implementing it, but the hard part is the eating at night - and unfortunately, her two pages in the book basically say “If they’re hungry, they’re hungry, so feed them.”. We were doing really well with it for awhile - even though he was still taking one feeding a night, he was eating it and going back down withint 20 minutes - we keep the lights low, don’t talk to him other than ‘shhh’, all of the things she recommends. And I really do think it will work once we can get past this ‘eating all night’ issue.

It’s awful, but his grandparents have been pushing for an overnight for a month now (they live five minutes away) - the bad thing is, I haven’t been ready, and now I’m kind of thinking “Well, it would be nice for someone else to wake up four times one night so I can get a good night’s sleep…” :smiley: .

E.

9

We have been going through that with our daughter, who is now 8 months. It started about the time my wife went back to work (~5 months). We conjectured that she was genuinely hungry as she is never as into the bottle as she is my wife’s boobs and those weren’t available at daycare. She is also on the skinny side, so we weren’t eager to deny her food if she seemed hungry.

Things have gotten better in the past couple of weeks and she has slept through most nights. I don’t know if it was just a phase or if it is because she is getting progressively more solids during the day. Or if now that she just started crawling she is wearing herself (and us!) out more during the day.

I would suggest making sure you make her as comfortable as possible while sleeping, so she stays asleep. If she isn’t rolling all over in the crib during the night, you may want to lie her down on her side (or even her stomach :eek: ) which seems to promote deeper sleeping. Also, we had a hard time keeping our little girl warm at night without using a blanket or really cranking the heat, until my wife came upon this great blanket sack thing that basically goes on like overalls. Now her little toes stay toasty and she sleeps better.

10

Ferber is famous for his “modified cry-it-out” approach. There’s quite a split of opinions on his approach - “that’s evil, how can you let your child cry alone for even 10 minutes, you’re a terrible parent” vs. “The baby has to learn to sleep on his own, he’s spoiled”. But regardless of your attitude in that regard, there’s a lot of useful discussion of sleep-related issues including things like conditioning (can’t sleep without rocking, music, special pillow, parent lying next to him), night terrors (Dweezil had a lot of those and they were horrible), sleepwalking, messed-up sleep cycles, narcolepsy, etc. So it’s interesting reading, in any case - I think the title is “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems”, and his full name is Richard Ferber.

On the formula / hunger: I swear I once read a hint involving diluting the formula gradually. So the child wakes, gets something in his tummy, but there’s less “nutrition” there. Next day, a bit more water, a bit less formula. For the nighttime feedings only, obviously. I never tried that (mine got theirs straight from the, er, cow) but perhaps that’s an option.

Anyway - things will get better at some point. Hang in there!

11

**Sapita ** did that. It was her way of letting us know she was ready for more substantial food. Ask your doctor and start adding beef or chicken baby food to the last meal before going to bed. A more complex food will take longer to digest and keep him through the night.

Disgusting as it may sound, both our babies loved meat baby food mixed with the formula (ugh). Those really knocked them down.

12

We went through this sort of thing with my daughter about 3 years ago. You have to get the kid back to sleep without feeding. We let her cry it out, but if you’re unwilling to do that, you at least have to remove the reward for waking up, or it will continue. Beyond that, if your baby is starting to get teeth, all of that milk during sleep time is going to take its toll on them quickly.

So, give comfort and rocking or whatever, but no milk. There will be some crying over that, it’s unavoidable, but at least you’re not simply abandoning the child to crying on his or her own.

13

I’m in the Ferberize camp. As advertised, it was less than a week before we had results and were sleeping through the night. Of course we did this only after assuring ourselves there wasn’t really something else going on, such as not getting enough of a full belly before bedtime. I figured they just needed to work out how to get back to sleep on their own.

14

I may get slammed for this, but have you considered co-sleeping? My sister did it when her little guy was not letting her sleep at all and it helped.

I know there are strong feelings for and against. I am just putting it out there as an option.

15

Baracus, actually, we didn’t even consider that he might still be cold - his room is the warmest in the house (his vent is on the other side of ours, and we turn it up all the way in his room, and just pile blankets on ourselves). Most of the multiple wakings did start when it got colder out, so I’m wondering if that’s the case. I think we’ll try putting those no-scratch mittens on him at night to keep his hands warm, as well as a sleep sack. He already does sleep on his stomach (he’s had severe reflux since he was born, so on the advice of our ped, we let him sleep on his tummy since it seemed to help his reflux and we didn’t have to worry about him spitting up and aspirating it in his sleep), but has also been rolling around all night in the crib (which I think wakes him up, too). Thanks for that angle - I didn’t even think about that.

Thanks, Mama Zappa. I’ll check it out when I run to the bookstore at lunch.

Sapo, we’re definitely adding some solids in during the day (although the ped doesn’t want us to start meat until 9 months - and I would rather skip all the stage 3 foods and move straight to table food around 8 months anyway). Hopefully, that will help.

Poyson, I would actually be okay with co-sleeping, but ElzaHub isn’t - we looked into a co-sleeper, but I think he’s already outgrown the weight limit on the mini-sleeper, and the regular sized one won’t fit in our room. I’m half-tempted to try sleeping in the guest room with him one night to see if co-sleeping helps at all. He really has done well in his crib (he was in the bassinet/Pack N Play until 9 weeks, at which point we moved him to the crib), but I’m wondering if he’ll just do better if he’s near Mom all night.

Thanks for the advice. We’re going to try getting him warmer tonight, and offering ONE feeding with the rest water, and see how that works. If it seems to be working, we’ll decrease that one feeding until we’re only offering water and hopefully, he’ll be back to a longer stretch of sleep soon.

E.

16

Maybe you should try putting him to sleep later in the evening. Perhaps get him more active or involved in something in the evening so that he’s a little more tired. Perhaps the longer nap is too late in the afternoon for him to be ready to sleep for the night at 7 pm.

17

In my case, at 5 months my guys were downing a consistent 6 oz a bottle. What I did for them was the last bottle of the night had a couple of teaspoons of ceral added to it. The hole on nipple had to be made just a tad bigger, but it kept them full through the night, and they didn’t wake up as famished in the morning.

What I think it is (and this is from experience), is that the little guy is getting worn out and using up all his caloric reserves from the time you pick him up until he goes to bed. He’s probably more active playing with mom and dad during that short time frame than all day. Let’s face it, mom and dad have missed him, and he them. Some serious re-bonding gets done on a daily basis in a short period of time, and he’s getting to the age where he really likes the attention.

If giving him a more substantial last meal doesn’t work, maybe try pushing bedtime out a little longer. I agree with the previous posters, ditch the forumla in the middle of the night - that’s not a routine you want to be in. I’d give water or a patsy, or just music and a nice ceiling light show.

18

Our daugher used to wake up at 3 every morning. Our doctor suggested we let her cry. It was tough, but it took only three days for her to sleep through the night again.

She’s 25 now, so I can assure you there were no ill effects. :slight_smile:

19

Yes, you can. It’s part of being a parent…doing the hard stuff for his own good. Make sure he’s dry, that he’s not hungry, then let him fuss it out. He has to learn to put himself back to sleep. It won’t take more than a few days. And believe me, he won’t remember it.

Hang in there, kiddo…we’ve all been there, done that, got the T-shirt with the baby spit-up to prove it.

20

In my experience, C3 is right on. We had the same thing happen to our son around that age, and it happened again at I think around 9 months. It seems like you are just settling into a routine and they shake things up a bit again for a while. Even now that my son is 2, I can look back and see the “2 steps forward, 1 step back” pattern that continues in his behavior. We are experiencing it now with other things like potty training.

I found that if I waited around 2 weeks the issue would often resolve. There is no harm in trying a few suggestions, but usually it is time that does the trick. Once he has shown that he can sleep, the way you decribed he did for a while, and then suddenly goes backward, for us that was always a temporary thing. When kids go through a growth or developmental spurt, it is like they are taking a big step back to get momentum to jump forward. I bet in a few weeks you will see new growth and/or a new development. It can be frustrating because it seems like you are making all this progress and then they suddenly revert back, but in my experience a big jump ahead will soon follow.

I can’t tell you how many times I spent days researching techniques and trying things only to have the issue just resolve itself. As suddenly as it came up, it would be over. I am not saying just ignore issues your kid is having, but if you know the kid is able to do something, and you have ruled out obvious influences like being cold, or sick, or a new environment etc., then I would say wait it out and go with your instincts. I breastfed so I can’t comment on how often formula kids should eat, but I know I was still doing a few night feedings at that age, and I remember having him eat a ton for a few days or weeks and then slow way down. My son still eats that way.

Keep telling yourself it won’t last forever!