I’m just looking for a little advice, and I thought I’d run it through here since there are so many Dopers with different backgrounds.
I’ve belonged to an organization for over 17 years. Of course, over that time, I’ve made a number of close friends, most of whom I’ve been friends with for the duration of that time. Some of them I have things in common with outside the organization, some of them I don’t have much else in common with.
Basically what has happened is that I’ve gotten burned out. It’s a volunteer group, with a “merit badge” sort of recognition system. (A year or so ago, I achieved what I feel would be the “highest” level award given my skills & interests.) That’s not so much the thing as the fact that I spent almost 2 years working very hard for events as a department head/assistant department head for just about every event our group threw. I was getting so stressed out that I decided to take a year off…and haven’t really wanted to go back, much.
My concern is that I have these friends, most of whom I usually see only at meetings & functions. It’s not that we’re not friends, it’s mostly a scheduling thing. I also have gotten involved in a serious relationship over the past 2+ years, and I’m a little afraid that they’ll think I’m dropping out because of my relationship (as he’s not particularly interested in the group.)
What I’d like to do is send the ones who have been friends with me the longest an email, just briefly explaining why I’m not coming around any more, and making sure they have my contact information so that we can (possibly) get together outside the organization. I want to make sure that they don’t feel that I don’t value their friendship, as several of them have been friends with me long enough to see me through two divorces and other assorted issues.
If you were they, would you want to receive an email from someone who seems to have “dropped off the planet” explaining why? Or am I worrying too much and should I count on them to “find” me if they really want to see me?
It sounds nice to me.
Even just a quick “Hi guys, I’m not going to be around at Organization for awhile - too much on my plate! But please, drop me a line anytime, I’d love to keep in touch!”
Don’t wait for them to find you, lots of people won’t put the effort in, not because they don’t value you, but because they have other things to worry about. If you like these people and want to socialize with them outside of the group, tell them, they will be flattered.
I’ve sent similar emails to people - usually just the short kind that Elret mentioned unless I was particularly close to someone - so I think it’s a good idea. It’s just nice to let them know that they didn’t do something to make you leave. I’m the paranoid kind who would think that I’d offended the person who left so I like to hear from people who disappear.
I was in a similar situation a few months back. Internet-based voluntary organization, and I was feeling quite burnt out: I was getting a lot of flak from a bad boss at work, and then I’d get to the volunteer job and have to deal with whining, arguments, etc., instead of being able to use my free time to relax. I emailed explaining, got emails from over half the people saying either “damn I’ll miss you, hugs and best wishes”, “nooooo don’t go, who’s gonna put up with me (j/k but don’t goooooo)”, and the boss “sorry, I’m not closing your account as you requested; any time you want to come back you’ll be welcome”
Kind’a gave me a warm fuzzy feeling, and I keep up email with several of them.
I’d rather not get a group letter. I’d much rather get a lunch invitation from a former fellow-volunteer. Even just a “hey, let’s catch up, it’s been ages”.
Don’t make too big a deal out of it by explaining everything in your life. Mention it, sure, but make the thrust of the email “I haven’t been around much, but don’t want to lose touch. Contact details. Invitation.”
Individual emails would be much more appreciated, and more likely to be answered imho, though there’s nothing wrong with one cc’d.
