Please welcome Walter Lang (AKA Mr. Wonderland) to the board!
He was inspired by the White Elephant thread to join up - I think he’s actually hoping to get a random box of crap from someone! 
Hi everyone! How’s everyone doing?
Welcome Walter! The water’s nice in here and we’re all pretty fond of alice, even when we must follow her down the rabbit hole. Take a look around, make yourself at home and eat lots of pie. There should always be plenty of pie. 
Hi, welcome to the weirdness, and don’t mind the mess, please.
Hi Walter! Any friend of alice’s is a friend of ours. Does this mean you’re volunteering to coordinate the next White Elephant?
Hi Walter.
Man. I can’t think of a corny pun, so I’ll just say, “glad to have you here”.
Are you bringing pie?
Welcome, welcome! Would you like some ice cream?
Hey, Walter! How’s it going? I’ve only ever come across two Walters in my life, so I hope you’ll forgive me if I teeter between thinking of you as my uncle (who was a gangster in the thirties) and a children’s book character (who was an extremely flatulent dog). awkward silence
So-o-o…How about that pie, eh? Delicious stuff, that. Welcome aboard!
Dear Walter: Please take Alice to Ikea and Humpty’s and buy pretty things because they make her happy. Also, go to Chili Club on 11th Ave SE for me and steal her Swimming Rama.
(I could do that next time I’m in town, though, so don’t stress over it.)
Does this mean I have to stop lusting after Alice?
No worries Walt!! This place is like a nasty rash. It itches, but you try to avoid it because you know it’s going to be bad in the end. But, screw it, it feels GOOOOD!!! So you scratch it until it bleeds. Such is the Dope. Welcome my friend.
There are pretty things to buy at Humpty’s?
ETA: Oh yes, and welcome!
No no no! You go to Humpty’s and THEN Ikea. At least if the Ikea on 36th is still there, and I’m in town, you do.
You know what they say: You can check out any time you like, but you can’t ever leave…
Welcome to the Dope!
and give me a slice of that pie!
Well, you could have talked about the marker outside Walter Lang’s home in the days of yore.
You know…the Old Lang Sign.
Walter! Welcome!
Take a seat…NO, not that seat, that’s the last place I remember seeing the goat.
Grab a drink, a handful of the pretzels. It’s messy, crowded and we have our “characters” here, but it’s a thrill a minute and you know they say - the cardinal sin is to be boring.
We are not that.
"Box of crap"? Careful what you wish for…
Hiya!
begins wild, gyrating air guitar solo
Welcome, Walter. Nice to see another Calgary Doper!
It isn’t, actually. The Ikea has moved to Deerfoot Meadows new strip mall complex (not to be confused with Deerfoot MALL).
Hell Walter Lang. Be welcome. Enjoy your stay.