PMS question...

Factual Questions
1

I thought I knew the answer to this question but now I’m not so sure.

I used to think PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome) bitchiness came from being uncomfortable. Basically, when anyone is in continual discomfort they become cranky and I can understand that.

Now I wonder if there is some actual psychological change brought upon by PMS. Hormones actually changing the psyche of the afflicted person.

I find this somewhat relevant in dealing with PMS bitchiness. In the first case listed above the afflicted can presumably control to some extent their crankiness. With a moments pause they can collect themself and behave in a somewhat human fashion (and if they can’t control themself then they have less ground to stand on when making an excuse).

If it’s the second case then the afflicted person has no control over their reactions and might be considered clinically and temporarily insane. We can excuse the person for their behavior although now we can make a case for locking them up till the condition passes.

While this post is written in a somewhat jesting manner I actually do want an answer. Which is it?

(Can you tell I’ve been on the receiving end of this recently :)).

2

I found this on the net.

3

If I recall correctly, it is a hormone imbalance, and hence is treatable with meds (I used to drink Red Raspberry Leaf tea, which is said to even out progesterone/estrogen production - and it worked). Either estrogen or progesterone get out of whack, and woman goes nutso. pregnancy hormones do the same thing. Only more. LOTS MORE. (and we have an even harder time realizing that it is JUST hormones, because there is so much REAL adjustment going on, too.)

The physical symptoms are also caused by the hormone shift, so they are linked, but not causal (though honestly, being miserable really doesn’t help things any).

Some women I know have used PMS as a weapon - that is, they are out of whack, so they use that as a free ticket to be utter bitches for fun. However, they were pretty nasty even when they were not ‘hormonal’. So not all of us can blame every bit of it on PMS.

Your complicating factor is that it does NOT feel like ‘some outside factor’ is running things. It FEELS normal, like those reactions are the RIGHT ones, the SAME ones you’d feel anytime. Only an outside observer (hubby, best girlfriend) can tell you the truth. The smart ones avoid saying “are you hormonal?” because under NORMAL circumstances (which you mistakenly think you are in), that would be dreadfully insulting, and so you respond with the hormonally induced RAGE (which, of course, you think is normal). :slight_smile: (Same for pregnancy, but more so)

You’d have to ask my husband how he manages it. I think he ducks and covers a lot, and BOY, when I was preggers, he got good at the ‘Oh, how terrible, here let me give you a hug {while probably rolling his eyes where I couldn’t see him}’ routine. (Just don’t get caught, cause then you’re in for it BIG time.) He does other stuff that seems to manage it fairly well, but I don’t recall offhand what it is (he’s GOOD). Maybe he’ll pop in and offer his thoughts…

4

Okay, I for one would object. Or at least question whether hormones ALONE were the cause (medical opinions better be pretty certain on those cases).

However, hormones can really whack you one good. Hopefully if you are THAT bad off, someone will direct you to the nearest endocrinologist’s office, and you can get help before you ACTUALLY kill someone.

5

A personal account:

I will be a happy go-lucky friendly gal, you know, light hearted, sense of humor, not easily annoyed, etc…

Then all of the sudden I’ll get really pissy, and my feelings will get hurt easily, my sense of humor goes away… at the time this happens, I think to my self, damn, why am I in such a bad mood, and why are all these stupid people around me so fking annoying! Then about two days later, when my monthy occurence arrives, I think, Ah-HA that’s why I was in such a BAD FCKING mood the last few days, but just as I start to feel better, the cramps set in, and the mood continues for a couple of day more.

Definitely Horomonal!!!

6

Im sure plenty of women can testify that men have their PMS times too…

7

Another woman chiming in here: I hate it when I hear a woman use PMS as an excuse for being moody – it just gives the male chauvinists more ammunition. And as I said to one woman, “why is it WE have to use our hormones as an excuse for being ill-tempered, but men don’t need an excuse?” (And yes, let’s drop the word “bitchy,” because we (society) has no derogatory term for you guys when you get in YOUR bad moods, now do we?) If it’s that bad women, go see your doctor, but don’t use it as an excuse to abuse other people.

8

Are you kidding me? When men are cranky they are called ‘bitchy’ as well. I.e. “Hey George, what the hell are you bitching about?” In fact, I would say it is even MORE derogatory when a applied to a man.

For confirmation I just asked my wife (I really did), “If a woman were described as being ‘bitchy’ what would you say the equivalent is for a man?”

Her immediate answer, “Bitchy”.

My WAG…

Because it IS an excuse. Being an asshole just cuz makes you a super asshole but if your an asshole and feel you have a way to excuse or mitigate it then your bitchiness can be forgiven or forgotten in short order. It’s un-American to suggest that anything you do wrong could possibly be your own fault…it has to be caused from elsewhere (and that’s only a halfway glib statement on my part).

9

This is a very interesting topic to me as I have had several girlfriends who suffered… well, actually I was the one that suffered… anyway…

One used to get all moody and need lots of hugging and kissing and snuggling and TLC. So I did give her what she needed and did my best to comfort her (even if at that time i would rather be mowing the yard).

But I’ve known one that would get worse than bitchy… she would become totally irrational and behave very aggressively (and later complain I gave her the silent treatment). My position is that maybe she cannot control her emotions and feelings but she has to be able to control her acts. I don’t care about PMS: fighting me or being aggressive is not acceptable behavior.

I do understand the problem but it would seem to me that if you know you are irrational a couple of days during the month, then you should mentalize yourself during the rest of the month and repeat to yourself “I will control myself!” so that, when the time comes you do control yourself.

If you cannot do that, then you are dangerous and I would rather stay away.

10

Ditto xelakann.

I’ve noticed this with myself over the last few years. Fortunately, when I start to bug out, I’ve learned to check the calendar. Once I know lunarly where I am, the lunacy ends.

Occasionally I’ve been caught unaware. Sometimes I think it is the reason why I’ve been pissy and acted like a two-year old. Sometimes I have to admit I would have been a jerk with or without the hormone flux.

11

First of all, let’s be clear on one thing: men may not get PMS, but women rarely beat their spouses (or other guys in bars), shoot their families and co-workers when they get “disgruntled” or in other ways act out violently as often as men do. Prisons are full of violent men… women in prison are usually there because of addiction problems. And of course this behavior isn’t common in men, either, but I’m just sayin’.

It is very important for women who suffer from PMS to keep track of the calendar and take responsibility for their actions and behavior that time of the month. Unfortunately, we cannot always disappear or go live in a hut outside the village for two days a month. We may be able to control most of our behavior, but the feelings don’t go away just because we know that it’s a hormonal thing. I have often said things I later regretted, cried inappropriately, or otherwise acted out in embarrassing ways while I had PMS. It is hormonal, but from what I know about it, it is not easily treated. Some women are finding relief using anti-depressants. That seems like over-kill to me, but I haven’t found anything that works well to resolve it.

I don’t think many women use PMS as an “excuse” to be “bitchy.” I feel for the others who suffer for being around women who have it, but the woman with PMS is suffering, too. Try to be understanding about this. It can be very hard to control. It’s a bummer for everybody, no doubt.

12

I’ve always kinda wondered about this whole PMS thing myself. I’ve never experienced it. Do most women really get it? The “pre” part of it would indicate that it occurs just before a period. For how long before? A few days?

And I am weird because I don’t get PMS (or cramps or anything else normally associated with that time of the month) or is it fairly common not to have any side effects?

I would ask my women friends, but most of my friends are guys, and are just as mystified as I am.

13

Clarification: I thought there were remedies – isn’t the pill supposed to help? Perhaps I’m mistaken. I agree they’re real symptoms of the hormonal fluctuations. I think it’s great that some men are learning to cope with it and are trying to help their mates thru it. As for me – I’m not sure if I have it or not – I tend to be moody no matter what time of the month, although I’ve worked on that over the years. I’m just saying, don’t advertise it. I have a co-worker who seems to be in a bad mood all the time, but if asked about it, the response is “oh I’m PMS’ing.” My primary beef is with the way uniquely female things get turned against us. I remember when women didn’t (and some places, still don’t) get promotions or managerial jobs because they were considered too emotional, or undependable because of “that time of the month.” And I also recall a politician (don’t remember who) saying “a woman will never be president because of her raging hormones.” In other words, women can’t make rational judgments and decisions because of this monthly business. sorry if I offended you women who have a bad time of it every month. I just don’t want it to come back on you as “oh there she goes again – she most be on the rag.”

14

With all due respect the aforesaid is not an accurate picture of the situation as it exists in the real world. Women with PMS (or for whatever reason) can and do get very physically agressive with their mates and it’s not all that “rare” either. The reason men are not “beat up” in these circumstances is not the forbearance of the PMSing woman but mainly the size and strength disparity that normally (but not always) exists between males and females.

Men often can and will take a full out “beating” from a woman, and short of the woman seriously injuring them, either shrug it off or remove themselves from the situation and the woman has no acknowledged perception that she has done anything untoward other than be “emotional” where if a man was dealing those blows to a woman with the same ferocity as she had the night before the recipient would be seriously injured or dead.

The real world relative levels of violence between men and women are much narrower than you might imagine. It’s mainly that the results are different when the man is being the physical aggressor. It’s an unpleasant way to live in either case.

15

Well, lolagranola, are you sure you don’t have a penis? You might want to check again just to make sure. That would certainly answer your question.

:wink:

“I know what I am, in my bed I’m a man, and so’s Lo-la, L-O-L-A, Lo-la.”

16

[[. I remember when women didn’t (and some places, still don’t) get promotions or managerial jobs because they were considered too emotional, or undependable because of “that time of the month.” And I also recall a politician (don’t remember who) saying “a woman will never be president because of her raging hormones.” In other words, women can’t make rational judgments and decisions because of this monthly business.]]

Well, I don’t normally subscribe to this kind of thinking, but if it comes down to which gender is more “stable” than the other, simply look at some violent crime statistics.

17

I usually just shorten it by one letter. “Bitchy” implies the person is just acting like a bitch…

How I wish Ms. Tonk’s symptoms were as mild as whats been mentioned here. Her episodes last a full 7 - 10 days, and every moment is completely unpredictable. The most ordinary and innocuous things can unleash torrents of rage and hatred and irrationality. And Dr. Jekyl can look just like Mr. Hyde. I never who I’m dealing with. So I walk on eggshells for weeks at a time.

And she never cries.

She becomes the most ferocious being I have ever seen. Ever seen a dog that lives in a cage and gets poked with a stick all day?

And she never says sorry.

The worst part? She’s in total denial. Somehow everything is all my fault, and I MAKE HER like that. All the things I do (or fail to do) just piss her off.

Hopefully, monopause will arrive near the end of this decade and her wacky hormones will settle into a better balance.

18

Definitely hormonal. Like a lot of the posters, I’ll suddenly find myself all weepy and insecure and not realise why until I look at the calender. Over the years, though, I’ve learned to use it as a sort of monthly catharsis. I’m overly driven and focused the rest of the month, working my a** off and burying my feelings about things – so for these three or four days, my emotions hijack the plane and demand attention. I have a few good cries, let my feelings out … it’s probably quite healthy, though not necessarily delightful for my spouse. I look at it as a way of knowing what’s going on with myself subconsciously, and find it very insightful sometimes.

I’ve found that caffeine aggravates PMS to a large degree, by the way. When I’ve cut down significantly on my coffee intake, symptoms become much more minor. Exercise helps alleviate it, too. When in the throes, a good five-mile run gives me back a great deal of my equilibrium.

I usually have a day or two post-period where the same sort of moodiness hits. Anyone else?

Stompy

19

I got beat up by my girlfriend.

The lady down the street beat the shit out of me.

The next door neighbor’s daughter beat up my son.

How often do you hear these things? Never. Because they never happen? I think not. Because our society says it doesn’t, that men are big and strong and women are meek and weak, that any man who got beat up by a woman isn’t a real man, and thus it’s an issue of pride? Yes. Women are probably as violent as men, but no one ever talks about it. And no jury is going to convict a woman.

20

margaret Thatcher, Queen Elizabeth’s, Mrs Clinton, are examples of women who can rule & they aren’t influed by PMS.