Women, how do you cope...

In My Humble Opinion
1

Over in the “Husbands, how do you cope…” PMS thread, a dicusssion was started about the effects of PMS and some women talked about how they cope with it. Since I don’t want to derail that thread, I’m starting this one.
Women, how do you detect the effects of PMS and identify them as such when you’re having them?

How do you cope with them?

How do you deal with the challenge of detecting and coping with irrationality and mood swings when their very presence impairs your ability to detect and cope with them?

Before you say how you cope with them, please give a description of what your PMS effects are, since that will help us understand the utility of the detection and coping mechanisms.

2

Because I don’t believe this statement to be true.

You could say that everyone suffers from mood swings, PMS or no, and everyone is irritable and mean at some point and because they are feeling irritable and mean they are blind to the fact they are irritable and mean? No, I would say everyone can normally work out they are being irritable and mean.

The best description I heard of PMS was that it is a lowered tolerance; things which ordinarily irritate you continue to do so but your tolerance levels are much lower. I would say this is largely true - I don’t find anything irrational in what irritates me at PMS time. Thinking about it in this way helps me, but then, my symptoms are fairly mild compared with what other women have experienced. I feel a bit tearful and have a bit of that lowered tolerance going on. But I’ve never felt irrational.

3

Which is the real you, though - the tolerant one for the first half of your cycle, or the less tolerant one for the second half?

4

I try to bite my tongue and not have any confrontations at all during that time. If it’s a PMS-induced issue, it will go away and I’ll be glad I didn’t bring it up. If it’s a “real” issue, it will continue bothering me, and I can deal with it later.

I also take advantage of non-personal irritations to vent my anger. This morning we’re having an issue with procuring a package from FedEx; this is the fourth day we’ve been trying to get it, via one method or another. I am complaining about it a LOT.

Other than that, extra eating and extra alcohol, and usually one evening spent in bed reading by myself.

5

Well, I take medication for the hormonally-related skin breakouts, but that’s about it really.
I do not believe I have ever experienced “irrational” or moody behavior because of PMS.

In fact, to be honest, I am skeptical about our culture’s belief that hormones make women act crazy. I have always suspected that a lot of the “crazy” behavior that is attributed to women during pregnancy has to do with the physical discomfort and stress of pregnancy rather than hormones making a woman’s brain go on the fritz.

I suspect confirmation bias may have a lot to do with why so many people think it’s “PMS” when a woman of childbearing age has a mood swing. Some people are just moodier than others. I’ve definitely met plenty of men that were moodier than I am.

I haven’t done a search on the literature around PMS, but it would be interesting if anyone has ever done a study that did not rely on a woman’s self-reported mood (since it would be impossible to “blind” a woman to her own menstrual cycle) but instead used outside observer data to confirm that women actually do act more “irrational” or irritable at certain times of the month. That would eliminate the confirmation bias problem.

6

I know it’s my wife’s “time of my month” before she does because there’s a very obvious change in her demeanor about a day before it starts.

7

Women, how do you detect the effects of PMS and identify them as such when you’re having them?

I may get a little testy just before my period, and I usually experience a particular kind of back pain that tells me my period is on its way. Most of my symptoms occur during my period though. This can include headaches, fatigue, bloating, breaking out in pimples, cramping, increase in bowel movements, feeling lightheaded, irritability and weepiness.

How do you cope with them?

For the physical symptoms, I just grit my teeth and deal with it. On the days when I’m feeling very tired or I’m in a lot of pain, I’ll stay in and take it easy. Midol helps. For the emotional symptoms, I recognize them for what they are and try not to get too upset over little things.

How do you deal with the challenge of detecting and coping with irrationality and mood swings when their very presence impairs your ability to detect and cope with them?

My moods are usually pretty even, so I can figure out when I’m more vulnerable and irritable than usual. It’s not like my brain stops working completely.

8

Wow, this is a really great post. I had never thought of it this way, but it’s a really accurate description of the way PMT affects me. Work irritations rub me a little bit more; I get more annoyed at people listening to loud music on the Tube; I feel grumpier when takeaway deliveries take longer to arrive than the person taking my order promised on the phone.

I also get slight muscle cramps and soreness (although it’s generally better than my post-workout aches and fatigue, in comparison), which I usually treat with a paracetamol and codeine pill.

9

I don’t have PMS the way I used to…I switched to continuous birth control pills, which means no periods, no PMS, yay! But I used to be vey aware of the lowered tolerance, followed by the irrational-rage response. It sucked.
I do have occasional mood swings, which I still believe are related to hormone fluctuations and fatigue. I have to be careful about this–my kids depend on me and I can’t afford to be out of whack emotionally. I make sure to get extra sleep, extra coffee, extra booze, allow myself to rest (one way I know I’m stressed is if I start refusing to rest even though I’m tired). Luckily the kids are old enough now that I can say, “Hey, if I don’t nap I’m gonna be psychotic soon. If I’m not up in two hours, come get me.”
It’s a much better situation than I used to deal with. God bless continuous hormonal birth control.

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Related thread: (TMI) Ladies, how do I tell “real” anger or sadness from PMS?

11

Post-menopausal now (yay) but I was one of those lucky ones who had maybe one day of heightened emotional lability, ten minutes of mild cramps, two-day periods that were so regular I could set a clock by them and a PMS zit every other month or so.

So I always thought that PMS was a somewhat over-hyped condition.

Until I had the perimenopause and menopause from hell, which lasted almost ten years and was truly god-awful. I had every symptom possible, my moods went all over the place, I had hot flashes, night sweats, extremely sore boobs, skin break-outs, bloating, hairs sprouting from my chin, periods that lasted three weeks, increased libido, then zero libido, memory loss and cognitive difficulties, you name it. For ten fucking years. And it wasn’t a self-fulfilling prophecy or confirmation bias; I assumed I’d be like my mother who simply stopped having periods and a year later was declared officially post-meno and doesn’t recall a single symptom.

That experience convinced me that hormones really, truly can have an impact - on both women and men (testosterone.)

When I was in the mood, sex really helped. :slight_smile: When feeling particularly crappy, long walks or bike rides or doing anything outdoors helped too. When I felt extremely moody and irritable, I’d try to detatch from my significant other at the time (aka the psycho ex) and retreat to books, the internet or long solitary walks with the dogs. Because I knew closeness and proximity would make me irritable and cranky and likely to start irrational arguments.

12

I feel compelled to point out once again that PMS and PMDD are recognised as completely different conditions.

PMS heightens emotional responses to stimuli and is easily controlled. PMDD changes your brain chemistry in a manner akin to a significant clinical depressive or psychotic episode, depending on the degree of severity.

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Cites?

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http://www.australiandoctor.com.au/news/e1/0c019de1.asp

At least over here, it’s recognised as a discrete condition and treated accordingly. It appears in some places there is some dispute over whether it is a singular condition or merely an amplification of “standard” premenstrual symptoms, but there seems to be consensus that it is significant enough to cause severe complications in the lives of women who really suffer from it.

15

My premenstrual symptoms are very similar to the clinical depression I suffered after giving birth to my third baby.

28 days out of 30, I am highly confident, cheerful, reasonably outgoing, organized, and capable. Sure, I might become justifiably upset at someone else’s behavior if they’ve done something shitty, but I can handle it in a rational way. Or I might become sad if something sad happens or whatever.

The other two days, the mere presence of other people around me grates on my nerves. I have difficulty interacting with others in a normal way, without verbally lashing out at them or interpreting all of their behavior as a deliberate attempt to upset or annoy me. I frequently become despondent and depressed, feeling that I have ruined the lives of everyone I’ve come into contact with, particularly my husband and children, that I am worthless as a human being, and that everyone would be better off without me. Minor inconveniences or innocuous statements made by loved ones are enough to set me off into crying jags that last for hours.

Usually, by looking at the calendar or recognizing, “This doesn’t seem like my normal behavior,” I can identify this as hormonal in nature. I have taught myself over the years to just shut my fucking mouth when I am feeling this way. I suffer alone, repeating the mantra over and over again, “This is not real. This will pass.” It doesn’t help with the symptoms, but it does help me avoid saying anything I might regret later. I try to spend as much time alone as possible, and if I’m tempted to post a long emo depressive missive on the Internet, I try to stop myself. (Am not always successful.)

I’d never even heard of PMDD until fairly recently. If it exists, I think I might have it. If it doesn’t exist, well, I have something really shitty. I do regular exercise, I take B-complex vitamins, I drink a lot of water, etc. SSRIs have intolerable side effects for me so that’s out. I just hope it doesn’t get any worse as I age.

16

I had sort of the opposite issue. I was on the Pill for about 15 years with no breaks except for the one week a month and at some point I got VERY hormonal - rages over nothing, grief, depression, suicidal thoughts, the whole nine yards. It wasn’t until I saw a Midol ad of all things that I figured out what the problem was.

The upside was that it finally convinced a doctor that this 33 year old unmarried childless woman really did know her own mind and wouldn’t regret a tubal because I was perfectly willing to stay on the Pill if they wouldn’t give me the surgery. (Other BC methods were out for various reasons) Heh, 20+ years later, still don’t regret it…:cool:

17

I wonder if they do anything besides medication for PMDD. Because it sounds to me like the brain is overreacting to the normal PMS symptoms, just like someone with anxiety overreacts to normal stress. And CBT can very well retrain the brain, and actually effect brain chemistry changes.

18

Good question.

On further reflection I’d probably say my tolerance also changes in light of influences other than menstrual cycle. I was furious with everything yesterday because of one thing that happened in the afternoon that annoyed me; it was nothing to do with a period due.

So the change in tolerance may be most noticeable at PMS-time, or I may attribute feelings of lower tolerance to PMS, but to be perfectly honest, I generally tend towards to grumpy and irritable and only when it’s got an extra edge do I notice where I am in my cycle :slight_smile:

19

For the record, there have been studies indicating that even women themselves wildly overestimate the impact of PMS on their mood. I believe I read that in some social psychology book - I think it was Stumbling on Happiness.

That said… I have PMDD as well as some classic PMS symptoms - bloating, insatiable appetite, breakouts, etc. Occasionally I get snappy, but usually I just get depressed, tearful and overwhelmed by the tiniest of setbacks. My PTSD symptoms also become more intense around that time of month. Since I already have chronic depression, it’s a tough thing to deal with.

I tend to cope by coddling myself while trying not to take my mood swings too seriously. Sometimes I start to panic and think the world is falling apart but then I realize, ‘‘Oh, it’s just PMS.’’ If I can get into that ‘‘Oh, it’s just PMS’’ frame of mind, I don’t have to put too much stock in my catastrophic thoughts and feelings. But at the same time, I’m going to sip tea, cuddle on the couch, read comic books and stay in my safe space. I’m not likely to socialize or leave the house or do anything that could exacerbate those feelings.

20

It’s worth noting that symptoms change throughout a lifetime. Just when you think you have a handle on them, something totally new pops up.

Life is not boring.