From Sally in Our Alley by Henry Carey:
When she is by, I leave my work,
I love her so sincerely;
My master comes like any Turk,
And bangs me most severly:
But let him bang his bellyful,
I’ll bear it all for Sally;
She is the darling of my heart,
And she lives in our alley.
Hur, hur, hur. I’d love to see this read in a junior high school classroom.
The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat:
They took some honey, and plenty of money
Wrapped up in a five-pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
“O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!”
Sadly, I’ll never grow up . . .
Macavity: The Mystery Cat (T.S. Eloit)
Macavity’s a Mystery Cat: he’s called the Hidden Paw -
For he’s the master criminal who can defy the Law.
He’s the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad’s despair:
For when they reach the scene of crime - Macavity’s not there!
Mary had a little skirt
'Twas split right up the side.
And every time she wore it,
The boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'Twas split right up the front,
But she never wore that one.
There once was a lovely young miss
Who went down to the river to read
A young man in a punt
Stuck an oar in her eye
And now she has to wear glasses.
course
jocosity
catches the crowd
shakespeare
and i
are often
low browed
Chivalry, Shmivalry!
Roger the thief has a
method he uses for
sneaky attacks.
Folks who are reading are
characteristically
always forgetting to
guard their own bac…
Oh, and one more I remember from a Muppets-based book I had as a kid:
There was a magician named Gonzo
Whose fame was known all over
Yet his stunts fell flat
Every time that he tried
And his limericks don’t rhyme either.
Policeman, policeman!
Help me please!
Someone has gone and stolen my knees!
I’d chase him down but I suspect
My feet and legs just won’t connect.
-Shel Silverstein
The Mower
Philip Larkin
The mower stalled, twice; kneeling, I found
A hedgehog jammed up against the blades,
Killed. It had been in the long grass.
I had seen it before, and even fed it, once.
Now I had mauled its unobtrusive world
Unmendably. Burial was no help:
Next morning I got up and it did not.
The first day after a death, the new absence
Is always the same; we should be careful
Of each other, we should be kind
While there is still time.
When my teacher tried to read this to us, he couldn’t even finish, he was bent over with laughter.
The rain it rains upon the Just
And the Unjust fella
But more on Just because Unjust
Has stolen Just’s umbrella.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water,
Jill forgot to take her pill
And now they have a daughter.
There was once a man from Japan
whose limericks no one could scan
When he was asked why
He would simply reply
“I always try to fit as many words into the last line as I can.”[ul][sup]ELIOT KUHNER[/sup][/ul]
I always got a kick out of this one
Sure, deck your limbs in pants,
Yours are the limbs, my sweeting.
You look divine as you advance . . .
Have you seen yourself retreating?
from “What’s the Use?” by Ogden Nash.
Another favorite of mine from Ogden Nash is “the Cow”:
*The cow is of bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other is milk. *
Actually, almost anything from Ogden Nash can make me giggle.
She stood on the bridge at midnight
Her lips were all a-quiver
She gave a cough
Her leg fell off
And floated down the river.
(boom boom!)
I never saw a Purple Cow
I never hope to see one
But I can tell you, anyhow
I’d rather see than be one.
<again, later>
Oh yes! I wrote ‘The Purple Cow’
I’m sorry now, I wrote it!
But I can tell you, anyhow
I’ll kill you if you quote it.
Although the choice’s outrageous now,
(They freeze whatever’s saleable)
I never thaw a Purple Cow.
I don’t think they’re available.
I need to look up the author of this one (he was a minor poet who joined the British army in the second world war, and this is his last work, before he was tragically killed):
Thud
In the mud
Thank Gud
Another Dud
Oh, pointy birds
Oh, pointy-pointy
Anoint my head
Anointy-nointy
Another purple cow offering:
I never saw a purple cow.
I never hope to see one.
But from the milk we’re getting now,
There certainly must be one.
One day I went to the zoo,
For I wanted to see the old gnu.
But the old gnu was dead
And the new gnu, they said,
Was too new a new gnu to view.
The man in the wilderness asked of me,
How many strawberries grow in the sea?
I answered him, as I thought was good,
“As many red herrings as grow in the wood.”
