What’s the polite form of address for a stranger whose preferred gender you don’t know? Recently I was at the mall when the person ahead of me dropped a dollar bill. How should I have called after that person? Sir? Ma’am? Miz?Hey, you seems rude and impractical. I suppose you could assume if the person is dressed in traditionally female clothes, “Ma’am” or “Miz” is preferred, but that’s really pretty presumptuous, and besides, in this case, the person had a full beard, hair in a bun, and wore a dress.
For the record, I picked up the bill, ran past the person, then turned around and said, “Excuse me. You dropped this.” That wouldn’t always be practical, however.
“Good gentle,” but you need to be dressed for the Ren Faire.
“Yo” is a little less rude than “Hey, you”.
When in doubt, don’t make it about the person if you don’t know the person. “Hey, free money!” while pointing at the bill ought to do the trick. If they don’t turn around to see where the free money is, their loss, and somebody else gets a buck.
“Excuse me, you dropped something” should get anyone turning around. Adding a sir may stop some folks from looking but so what? Your target, regardless of their personal pronouns should be found
I get sir followed by an apology a lot when they realise I don’t qualify, I’d rather have a generic hello than a stammering apology that embarrasses us both, I wish people would leave the gendered words out in general unless they are actually needed.
Even before the current age of hypersensitivity, the cardinal rule of politeness was to never, ever assume what sex somebody was unless you were 100% sure. Which most of the time you are, but if there’s any doubt whatsoever ‘excuse me’ is the way to go.
If the person had a full beard they’re clearly not trying to present as a female, so Sir would be fine. If they get upset at that, well that’s on them not you. That said, “Excuse me. You dropped this” is perfectly fine.
Excuse me if unsure. But I default to “Sir” or “Maam.” Holding doors open, expressing thanks, whatever. Yeah, I realize that many folk will say it is better not to include any specific.
If my choice offends someone, I might further default to “Fuck you, asshole!”
My Dad used “Sparky”; which I adopted as my standard fall-back as well. He was basically Army Air Corps as a radio specialist; slightly pre-WW II and WW II with a short stint for Korea.
My wife has a student teacher this term who identifies as gender non-binary and prefers they/them pronouns. They have suggested the title ‘Mx.’, pronounced ‘mix’, for students to address them. It’s clever, in that by replacing the second letter in Mr/Ms with ‘x’, one implies an unknown, as in algebra, and so it could apply to any gender. On the other hand, the pronunciation implies a combination, which may or may not apply to any individual. In that sense, it’s not so much gender-neutral as affirmatively gender-fluid.
Onceuponatime, I entered the local liquor store with Shannon, a girl who had a penchant for dressing biker-style, in spite of being “all-woman,” if you know what I mean. She had tucked her long hair inside her black leather jacket.
The clerk, politely enough, turned to her and said, “Yes, Sir, can I help you?”
Shannon quickly unzipped her jacket and stuck out her ample chest without a word.
The clerk’s reaction was immediate. “Excuse me, Miss, I didn’t see your boobs.”
And even if you say “Excuse me sir” or “Excuse me ma’am” and that person says “I’m not a [whatever] I’m a [whatever]”, just say “Ok, sorry, but you dropped this.”