I decided to put this in IMHO because it could become a “GD lite” question. I hope this is the right spot.
When addressing a stranger, to get their attention, which is more appropriate to say?
pardon me (or) excuse me
I’m not sure there really is any difference. I believe there may be a difference. The following examples are how I feel they should be used appropriately:
[li]Pardon me = “May I ask if you to tell me the time, please?”[/li]OTOH
[li]Excuse me = “I am so sorry I bumped into you and made you spill your coffee I am an idiot.”[/li]
Are the above, proper examples of usage?
Sounds good either way but I always use sir or madam when addressing a stranger. IMHO it sounds more polite to say it this way and people rarely ever say sir or madam anymore (at least here where I live).
IMO, for what it’s worth, “Excuse me…” sounds a bit more confident. “Pardon me…” sounds apologetic. Limp-wristed, indeed.
I think in French “Excusez moi…” would be best if you wanted to ask a favor - while “Pardonnez-moi…” would be appropriate if you stepped on their foot. I wouldn’t normally recommend anything on the grounds that “the French do it”, but in this case, I’ll make an exception. If you’ll … pardon me.
Here in the UK I would attract someone’s attention (e.g. to ask directions, or to get through a crowd) by saying “excuse me”.
I would acknowledge a minor infraction (e.g. for burping) by saying “pardon me”.
I would apologise (e.g. for bumping or blocking someone) by saying “sorry”.
According to Judith (“Miss Manners”) Martin, “excuse me” is used for lesser intrusions, such as “excuse me, do you have the correct time?” and “pardon me” for greater ones, as in “pardon me! I didn’t mean to spill boiling water on your lap!”
I believe the reasoning is that a “pardon” (as in Presidential) is a much bigger deal than an “excuse.”
excuse, pardon, and so on… are all under the headings of “forgiveness” and “atonement.”
Hmmmm… vewy vewy intewesting
Should one be asking for forgiveness, for interrupting another? This seems like a pretty grey area to me. I suppose it depends on what a person is interrupting, and what the nature of the interruption is.
IMHO, forgiveness means asking to amend a wrong done to another. If someone interrupted me to ask the time of day, I don’t see there is any “wrong” being done, to be forgiven for.
I understand that saying “excuse me” or “pardon me” as in interjectory phrase, is simply a courtesy to show respect for another. Upon thorough analysis, however, it seems a bit drastic.
I decided to look under the heading of “neglect” and found some other terms that may also, possibly be appropriate.
If one is trying to get another’s attention, it would seem that asking them to “neglect” the plea, would defeat the the whole purpose.
[sub]Maybe I am just being too anal about this.[/sub]
Eve, do you have a cite for that? I’m a big Judith Martin fan, and I haven’t heard that one. My take on her teachings is: If you offend someone, apologize. The words are secondary; it’s the apology that’s important.
Now on the grammatical side, I do see the distinction MagicalSilverKey has proposed, but I’m not an expert (or a fan of experts) there.
Bill—If I didn’t read it in her column, then it’s from her 1981 Guide to Etiquette, which is nestled on my bookshelf right between Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt.
For mine, the phrases have the same meaning, and can be used interchangeably. Although meanings change with time, I find it helpful to study the derivation (is this rational, or evidence of a vain attempt to cling to the past?). I don’t know Latin, but I enjoy interpreting the dictionary etymologies.
In Webster’s New World Dictionary, ‘Pardon’ is given as coming from the latin per, ‘through’, [hence ‘agency’], and donare, ‘give’, as in ‘donation’, suggesting that you want someone to give you something. The implication is that they have the power to restore you to your preferred state by their ‘donation’ (a governer’s pardon would give you your self esteem or freedom back). Of course, often you are asking for something extra, say the time of day, but the request of a pardon is for the interruption, not the favor to come.
‘Excuse’ is given as coming from ex, ‘out of’ and causa, ‘a charge’, suggesting that you want to be freed from a charge, or blame. So it is sort of the reverse of a pardon, with the same effect: pardon is giving, excuse is taking, each with the aim of returning to the ‘innocent’ state.
In both examples mentioned in the OP the words are by far the least important aspect. With the wrong tone and body language, the phrases ‘Excuse me’ and ‘Pardon me’ could come across as arrogant, impatient or mousy. With the right attitude, you could use ‘Hey!’ and not cause offence, particularly when asking the time, but even as an apology for bumping. Sometimes even just the suggestion of a sparkle in the eye would be all you need. I tend to err on the side of a nervous ‘Excuse me’ and get nowhere. Now that you have brought it to my attention, I will try to be more confident and friendly. Really.
