You must not get out much. IT DOES HAPPEN. I’ve seen friendships ruined over it. It’s an extremely popular way for Southern sorority girls to be bitchy to each other and also to signal who they will be snubbing in the future. Hell, in arranged marriages, I have seen the marriage end before the reception begins because of what the groom and his family think about the bride as a result of such comments.
That I believe, for certain values of “it.”
Corsets are designed to be worn to shape one’s body to match social norms. If you instead grab your corset in both hands and start beating fat people about the head and chest with it, it might still be a corset, but that’s not what it’s for.
I’m reminded of one person insisting that an unsolicited handshake is akin to rape.
Arranged marriages have resulted in mismatched outlooks? You don’t say!
I know they do that here in CA also, except sometimes not necessarily with the last donut.
My best friend/significant other/“it’s complicated” insists on engaging absolutely everyone in intimate conversation - cashiers, servers, housekeepers, you name it. It starts with “How’s your day going?” and becomes more personal and intrusive from there. I’ve tried to explain to him that not everyone enjoys being put on the spot and obligated to divulge personal information to a stranger they’re required to be polite to. But he’s from West Virginia, and that’s how they roll there, and by Og that’s what he’s going to do.
I spend every public outing wishing the ground would open up underneath me, and every meal staring at my food while he makes BFF with the server.
We have the same argument every time. He accuses me of being elitist, and asserts that everyone has a story worth telling. I reiterate that in my youth I worked more retail and serving jobs than I care to count. I can with say with reasonable authority that a minimum of basic courtesy is just hunky dory.
I’ve also tried to explain to him that paying attention to everyone but his companion is rude in itself, but he doesn’t get it.
Anyone who takes offense where none was intended is a fool.
Actually as I understand it arranged marriages have a much lower chance of divorce.
In political/religious discussions, avoiding saying that someone is ill-intentioned. While generally an attempt at politeness, it often amounts to an implication that the person you are talking to is stupid or insane, because you are saying that they are doing harm without intending it.
A certain nobleman, who had the reputation of being the politest man in France, was riding in a carriage with King Louis.
When they got to their destination, the nobleman turned to the king, gesturing at the door.
“After you, sire.”
“No, no” said the king, after you.
So the nobleman got out.
“And now I know”, said the king “why they call you the politest man in France.”
Telling other people what to eat and/or commenting on their food. Well intentioned, my ass. It’s fucking rude.
Lately I have been very annoyed by people who insist over dumb shit.
The other day, I was out with a coworker and we stepped into a Subway at breakfast time because she was hungry. I told the coworker I had already eaten but she kept insisting that I allow her to buy me something.
Her: “You wanna sandwich?”
Me: “No, thanks. I’m stuffed.”
Her: “You sure? Come on, tell me what sandwich you want.”
Me: “No, I’m good. Really. Thanks.”
Her: “I’m going to get you some cookies. I know you like them.”
Me: “No, please, Coworker. I really don’t need a cookie right now. But thanks, though.”
Her: “How many do you want?”
Me: “I don’t want any–”
And then she promptly orders six chocolate chip cookies and gives them all to me! My least favorite cookie! And I’m trying to limit my sugar consumption! I wanted to cuss her out, but how can I get mad at someone who is just being nice?
This weekend my mom asked me to ferry her to the airport on my way home from visiting my sister. I was perfectly amenable to this idea. When my brother-in-law caught wind of it, he insisted that I let him take my mother to the airport so that I could kick back and relax with my sister some more. I didn’t want to kick back and relax with my sister (who I love dearly, but I was ready to go home at that point after having spent the whole weekend with her). The two of us went back and forth a few times, with him insisting and me politely telling him I was fine with the original plan. Finally, out of frustration, I told him I was tired of us arguing. And he relented–probably realizing that his “niceness” was just a little too much for me at that moment.
If someone tells you they’re fine, listen to them! Maybe the person is lying or playing games or whatever. But it’s not your job to get them to come clean.
Most of my life, I assumed that “congratulations” was appropriate for anyone announcing their engagement.
When I heard of the aforementioned rule, I assumed that avoiding “congratulations” to the bride-to-be was a modern attempt to politely avoid implying that every woman’s goal was to land a husband.
OK, let’s see if I have this wedding thing straight:
You’re supposed to say “congratulations” to the groom, as you’re telling him how well he has done to chase down and catch such a lovely and initially reluctant bride, or, alternatively, to win her as some sort of prize.
Then you’re supposed to say “best wishes” to the bride, thereby expressing your hopes that her experience of being married to this basically rapey groom won’t turn out too horrible.
So… like most traditional wedding etiquette, it’s a perfect misogynist-misandrist double whammy.
Is that about right?
I mentioned it to my wife–my wife who reads etiquette guides for fun. She’d never heard of this rule, and when I explained it to her, she was like, “fuck that!”
This, much like the handshaking thing, would in my social circles piss off a lot more women than it would please. It would be terrible etiquette for me to follow this stupid rule.
When I married, people had damned well better have congratulated me. Because I was very happy to have “hunted” and “landed” my husband. He was a freaking awesome catch and the alternative sucked donkey balls.
Why would I want it implied that all I did was sit my ass on my hands and hope that whatever yahoo that fell in my lap might be 1/100th as good as the one I actually sought out? Oh, hell no. I believe that courtship, just like everything in a marriage, should be an equal proposition. He went looking for me and vice-versa.
Everything like that is indeed passive-aggressive grade school bullshit from a million years ago. And if I lost a “friend” over their insistence not to congratulate me? I’d be thanking my lucky stars every day for how I dodged that particular bullet.
It’s precisely that attempt, but there’s nothing “modern” about it. It’s precisely because it reflects a fairly antiquated view of femininity that we find it so bizarre.
In these situations, I just wait them out. Doesn’t matter how long I have to wait, I’ll stand there straddling my bike until they go. Once I even had a driver complain rather plaintively “I was just trying to be nice.” Fine, I don’t want nice, I want you to follow the rules of the road.
I strongly suspect that the people being nice are half to blame for the cyclists running stop signs. Cyclists get used to drivers letting them go first and start to assume it’ll always happen. Note that I said “half to blame”; the cyclists have the other half.
There’s one route I take at least once a week that has several 4-way stops and this used to happen frequently on that route. I’ve been riding that route for some 15 years now and it seems it doesn’t happen that often anymore. Perhaps my efforts are having an effect.
What I find curious is that our beloved ZPG goes ‘by the book’ when it comes to the etiquette that suits her, but discards it when it offends her cultural mores.
It is to laugh.
I’m a serial sneezer. When I sneeze I’m good for at least half a dozen. If my SIL is within earshot, she will yell (if needed) a 'God Bless You" for each and every sneeze. :mad:
Quite the conundrum. I suggest that it be replaced with “Smell ya later” or “You’re so good-looking.”