A guy in front of me in line at a store was wearing a t-shirt for a “Mayday for Marriage” event. I knew I couldn’t assume it was an *anti-*gay marriage event (though I was pretty sure it was, and Google later proved me right), not to mention the fact that it’s really not prudent to get into a shouting match at a store with a random stranger (AND pointless, since if you’re wearing the shirt in public, you probably aren’t going to be swayed by someone you don’t know tapping your shoulder and expressing his opinion), so I said nothing.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t help but feel guilty and cowardly for it, for not at least trying to, er, fight ignorance. Has anyone else in a similar situation ever reacted differently?
Haven’t been in a similar situation, but I imagine if I were I’d tap and ask what the shirt referred to. If he decided to voice his opinion then (rather than say something like “Oh, a political rally.”) I’d absolutely get into an argument about it.
'Course, this is my imagination at work and I tend to wear a superhero cape in my imagination, too, so no telling how I’d actually act.
I wouldn’t say anything. Mainly because I was brought up to keep anything political to myself. That’s really because my family owns a store and we don’t want to alienate half of our customer base by saying the wrong thing. I know, it wouldn’t apply here, but it’s still pretty deeply ingrained. It’s also what I tell myself since I’d be far to shy to say something anyways. Besides, I have no need to get into a pissing match in a store. I remember back in college someone asked me if I liked a shirt that said “Straight but not narrow”. After I told them that I did they asked me if I’d wear one, I told them no. Again, for the same reason. I really don’t want to be walking around minding my own business and have people trying to tell me why I’m wrong. (I was going to say ‘set me straight’ but that might not make sense here).
Secondly, you have to remember, no matter how “right” you are and how “wrong” the other person is…he feels exactly the same way. Neither of you are going to change each other’s minds. You’re going to get each other all riled up, you’re going to yell at each other for a few minutes, you’re going to make a scene, then you’re both going to stomp off. The likelihood that either of you will change your opinions is pretty slim. It just doesn’t seem like it’s worth the energy. But maybe that’s just me.
I actually saw one of these little pissing matches in my store just a few weeks ago (not about gay marriage, but something or other political). It got loud, people watched, then they both left. No one changed their mind about anything. Person 1 is still convinced Obama is great president, Person 2 is still convinced he’s a horrible president. (His motorcade was going by at the time).
I don’t react if I don’t know the person wearing it. People who advertise their crazy are more likely (in my mind, at least) to be rude, nasty, and quicker to get violent when someone disagrees with them. They might also be wearing it for the express purpose of picking a fight, and I like all my internal organs exactly where they are, thank you very much.
Why get in argument over a t-shirt? While you may disagree with the message, a “Mayday for Marriage” t-shirt is not offensive. Fred Phelps with a “God Hates Fags” sign is offensive.
Okay, the guy doesn’t like gay marriage. You think he’s wrong. Heck, I think he’s wrong. But he’s entitled to his wrong opinion. Start picking fights with strangers and you’re the crazy one in that situation.
In DC, it is very common to see people on the Metro going to and from political events of all kinds. Often, they are wearing shirts and carrying signs. If you wanted to challenge all the ones you disagree with, you wouldn’t get anything else done. My strategy is to roll my eyes and feel morally superior (smugness is its own reward).
I’d say if his body language, demeanor, and the conditions were such that you could easily strike up a conversation (imagine, for example, that he was wearing a college t-shirt and it felt appropriate to ask about that) then you might have done so. Not in a confrontational way, but just a friendly: “Hey, how you doing? What’s your shirt mean?” Then if he were responsive you could listen politely, ask questions, and, if given the opportunity, say something like, “Well, I guess we’re on different sides of that issue.”
That’s the best scenario I can think of. It probably wouldn’t change his mind, but it might surprise or interest him that normal, friendly people who shop in the same store he does believe in marriage equality. Being aggressive or getting into a shouting match certainly wouldn’t help anything.
I don’t react because I’m not a fucking psychopath. If people want to exercise their First Amendment right to say something stupid, that’s their business.
I think I would have probably said something like “Oh, good, another supporter of marriage! Would you believe, there are actually some people out there who want to ban some marriages? As if it’s the government’s place to decide when people are married!”.
Having an argument about an issue like this rarely changes anybody’s mind. What is your goal in this situation? I would not likely engage a stranger in a store at all, but if he had started a conversation with me, I would generally try to make a single point that is as non-argumentative as possible. For this situation i use;
You know my nephew is gay. I wasn’t really crazy about it when I first found out, but he is still a good guy, and I love him. All he wants is to be able to live in a committed relationship with the same rights as anyone else.
This will not convince him and he will doubtless come back at you. Just shrug and say, “I’m sorry, but I disagree” and walk off.
The goal is not to have an argument, but to plant a seed.
