I was close friends with a neighbor’s son who was about four years younger than me. When he was about 12, he broke a basement window kicking a ball around the basement. He didn’t want his Dad to find out, and he asked me if I could take the frame out to a hardware store to be repaired before his Dad finds out. (His Dad was at work at the time on a Saturday, so we had time to make things right.) He even paid me out of his allowance.
My Mom felt I shouldnt make it so easy for him. She felt he should tell his Dad. I knew he was a pretty good kid, and so I didn’t agree with my Mom’s advice. He wasn’t the disobedient type who was always getting into trouble. Eventually, he did tell his Dad. Even if he never told his Dad, I still think he learned something from this experience.
What would you have done if you were me? Even now, as an adult, I wonder about this scenario, and did I do the right thing? Should I have been tough on him and make him face the music? [I think, for most kids, this would have been the wrong thing to do. But, for a kid with always good intentions and keeping a clean record, I think an exception could be made just once.]
I always tell my kids that I’m their father, and we (my wife and I) will always love them, no matter how bad things seem to be.
For example, my oldest happens to be a perfectionist (she’s 11), and she gets quite upset if she brings home any grade lower than a B. I know that she’s had problems over the last few years telling me when she gets a poor grade. I’ve told her over and over that I won’t be upset, as long as I know that she studied and tried her hardest (which she always does).
In other words, I want my kids to learn that facing the music is part of life, and it’s better to face the consequences than lie about things and make bad situations worse.
In your situation, I probably would have helped the kid, but I would have made him promise to tell his dad what happened. He seems like a decent kid, expecially if he even paid out of his own allowance.
This reply is tardy, but I’m just getting around to following up on some of my threads…
I believe that’s the key (as stated in the quote above). Your children will (a) have the conscience to know what’s right and do it while (b) not being afraid to come to you when they really need to hear your advice, ask for help, etc.
I’d say any kid with enough hustle to work out such an arrangment to fix the window has learned all he needs to know about responsibility. Either his dad taught him well, or scared him. Either way, helping him out seems like a good idea.
